Freaky Cheat Day

OH MY GOD Cheatsters! What a wild Cheat Day this past week. Before I get into the crazy stuff let me just tell you that I gained only ONE pound since the 4th of July and the wild Florida week and I think that's actually pretty gaul dern GOOD, kay?! So if you're like pissed or whatever you can just effing SHOVE IT!

Also, If this is your first time reading EVER or even in a while go back and read a few posts and you'll know what the hell I have been up to and why I'm not mad about gaining a pound on the slow carb diet.

I need to give a quick shout out to Soup, Maureen M., Super Bowl Champ Alex R., and as usual the loveliest lovely Liz C. for a mid week cook out on the beach. Alex R. was, rightfully, busting my balls because I was enjoying a few midweek beers during the cook out. I want to point out once more to him and EVERYONE that I stuck to JUST meat and veggies for vittles this cook out alright?! My cookout meal was a burger patty, a sausage, some try-colored bell peppers and humus. SO YEAH, I had a few midweek beers alright?! SUE ME!

I also need to shout out at the top to the Jackies, Sater, Summer James, Adam, and the Loveliest Liz AGAIN! Cause we went to Dinner Diner after the Friday night Man Called Noon show where I ate a slinger and 7/8ths of a double bacon cheeseburger. It WAS after midnight though, so... FUCK IT, it counts as Cheat Day.

I awoke Cheat Day morn' knowing I had a fairly busy day ahead of me. I had to go to my final Annoyance class with Ryan A., I then had an audition across town for the Plagiarists next theatrical season, THEN I had to walk Rob Face and Erin "Sandra Bullock" C.'s lil' baby pup Barkley. Quite a busy Cheat Day...a little TOO busy for my taste, but I went on my way. For first bites I went back to the Budlong with the Lovely Liz and friends Jaq Attack and Drew "You Simply Must" J. for a lil'fried Chicken brunch. If you're a fan of the blog you know the Budlong, a fantastic little Nashville Hot style fried chicken joint with multiple Chicago locations. Our local one is in Lincoln Square and it is delightful.  I ordered the Hot tenders, a side of mac and cheese, and a cheerwine. A solid meal to start a cheat day for sure...BUT THEN!

Barkley

I went to class and I was expecting a quick lunch with teacher and friend Ryan A. but it had to be postponed. So, instead I got a black iced coffee from Starbucks (A Non-Cheat Day treat) and went to my audition early. I CRUSHED the audition thanks to Liz's and Ryan's help and then went over to Hambone and Summer James' crib (aka The Sing What You Say Place) which was close by the audition AS WELL AS the sweet puppy Barkley whom I'd have to be walking soon. I was met with a PBR (a delightful cheat-y beverage) and we began talking about what we'd be eating for Cheat Day Dinner! You see people love being around on Cheat Day because they get to go on a fantastical Cheat Day adventure with yours truly, so we began to plan.

We decided it'd be good to hit the beach for a bit before the dog walk and before it got dark. So Hambone slid me a special brownie (A delightful Cheat Treat) and assured me it wouldn't launch me to far out there maaaan. So we also rounded up some vodka and some vitamin waters (A Non-Cheat Day Treat...) went to the beach, threw around a frisbee, ran into some good ol'friends (shout out Tommy C. and Sophie B.!) then drank some vodka drinks. I went to walk the dog and the plan was to reconvene at The Sing What You Say Place and get SERIOUS about CHEATING on something new for your sweet eyeballs to take in and your bellies to YERN for!...but then...

Steve Leme in Beerfest

The edible started hitting me REAL good, really not too much, honestly just right. I was feeling social and good and happy and ready to EAT! I got back to The Sing What You Say Place to figure it out and Summer James DEMANDED that we all take what he called a "Bloody Skull." I first learned of something similar to this in the movie "Beerfest" in which they call it a "strikeout." Summer James' version simply was to take a hit out of a bowl (inhale only) and then we would each take a shot of whiskey (cheat day treat) then exhale the hit. "Sure why not!" I said! "CHEAT DAY!" we Cheered!

From that moment on I was no longer the Zach you all know and love. I was indeed out of this world. I was giggly and squirmy and paranoid, I could NOT organize my thoughts properly nor did I have the ability to rally a bunch of drunk and high people to go get some delicious Cheat Day fare from a place we'd never been before!

THEN, out of nowhere! A young family shows up to the Sing What You Say Place...with CHILDREN ages 2 and 5. Now, I bet some of you read this and probably think to yourselves, "geez Zach I'm not sure you should be around children completely sober even!" And first of all FUCK YOU, but you aren't wrong, I've got a mouth on me and not much of a filter, but I am also surprisingly good with kids so take that opinion and shove it!

That being said, I really didn't have any business being around kids in this case. I was gone! I was drunk off vodka and a shot of whiskey and high off of a brownie and a solid hit from a bowl that had me coughing hard when a shot divided what should be a normal inhale/exhale. On top of that I was HANGRY as a mother fucker because all I had on Cheat Day so far was 3 chicken tenders, Texas Toast, half a thing of Mac and Cheese, and a pot brownie.

"WOW Zach, I'm sure you were FUCKED! What'd you do?!"

I hid...I hid in Summer James' bathroom until the family was gone. When I emerged Summer James pointed out that I had no business going out in public to eat if I had to hide from children...so...we ordered Jet's Pizza...so...sorry not sorry. ALWAYS JET'S! We got two larges for four people. One was chicken bacon mushroom green pepper on Cajun Crust (delightful) and one was pineapple jalapeno and pepperoni on TURBO CRUST. WOOO! If you haven't had Jet's yet, you're fucking up!

After I ate I was feeling much better and I had an early morning the next day so I had to head home. On my way home I stopped at Lindo Guadalajara to get a plate of chorizo nachos to-go that I split with the loveliest Liz when I got home. So I made up some lost Cheat Day ground that way.

WOOO! What a wild one, right everyone?! I guess my Cheat Day this time was more party based than new food based! I'm glad everyone is okay though. I want to hand it to Summer James, Hambone and the previously unmentioned Santiago for taking care of me! Just like I tell all of you each week. Take care of each other! Take care of yourselves. Eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach

Cheat Week in Florida!

Hey everyone, sorry I missed a week, FUCKIN' SUE ME! I hope you managed to get through last Monday without tales of gluttony from the number one cheater! I'm back this week with not much of an update so this one is going to be short and sweet.

The reason I missed last week was because I was busy moving my parents from Virginia to Florida. On Monday, when Cheat Day. Don't Care is due I was driving from Jacksonville to Tampa and unloading trucks and furniture shopping. BUT! The Saturday before I was pounding back an obscene amount of Bud Light (3 18-packs between 5 people), eating Wawa sandwiches and Pizza Hut pizza. So that is what I was eating/drinking on what was technically Cheat Day last week.

I'm going to take a moment to praise Wawa. I am sure I have done this in posts past but they are great gas station subs. Low and behold I find out that Florida has something similar in a "Pub Sub" or a sub from the Publix grocery store chain. Wawa came into existence in VA when I was in High School. It was a 24 hour spot that we kids would go when the night was winding down and we had to make one more stop before heading back to mom and dad's house. It's tried and true. It basically never fails and aside from sandwiches they have a bomb ass selection of other treats (like cheese filled pretzels, strawberry kiwi drink, and cheap cigarettes YES, even smoke on cheat day). One of, if not the best sandwich at Wawa is their chicken salad, it's off the fucking hook. BUT, it was hoagie fest when I was there this time, so I ate a pizza cheese steak for breakfast! NOM NOM MAWfugglers.

Cheat Day certainly stretched itself a bit as my itinerary was hectic, making it near impossible to keep up with my standard dietary restrictions. I had to fly into DC on Cheat Day morning, pack up/throw out what was left of my parents' house, drink and party the night away, wake up and do a few last minute dump runs, eat at my childhood Taco Bell (Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Beefy 5-Layer, Cheesy Bean and Rice) with my boys one last time, drive to Jacksonville to crash at a LaQuinta for the night (On the trip I had Hot Fries, Pickles, 2 McChickens, 2 McDoubles/ @LaQuinta I had 2.5 Bud Light Limes), wake up and finish off the drive to the Tampa area (Once we arrived at my aunts house she fed us delicious fried chicken and pasta salad).

Once in the Tampa area we had to: unload the car, go furniture shopping, eat dinner out (Frenchy's Outpost where I had a giant buffalo grouper sandwich and fries). HARD NOTE, I ordered a delicious frozen pineapple alcohol beverage and there was not quite glass shards but shards of a glass-like substance in the drink. I do NOT recommend Frenchy's outpost, food was fine I guess. Next on the agenda was to get back to Aunt Maureen's house where we had to crash for the evening. We drank a few more Bud Light limes and swam in her awesome pool! The next day was unload the POD day. We did that and set up my folks' bedroom so we could stay in their new place for the night.

Palm Pavilion

We ate out again at a place called the Palm Pavilion which was right on the beach and I had a delicious Cuban sandwich. Apparently Tampa is ACTUALLY where the Cubano was invented as Tampa has the second largest Cuban population in the world! (I didn't fact check this, so if I'm wrong go fuck yourself). If you are ever in Clearwater Beach go to the Palm, it is a DElight. The next day my brother had to get on a plane and head home, but before he left we went to a little greasy spoon called the Garden Grille Cafe where I ate a half order of biscuits and gravy, eggs, bacon, and crispy potatoes. While at the Garden Grille Cafe we over heard a lengthy conversation about the redecorating of an old couples' condo, they sounded eerily similar to residents of Seinfeld's Del Bocca Vista. We all had a good laugh.

The rest of the itinerary was unpacking and more furniture shopping. I ate breakfast at Taco Bell (bacon breakfast crunchwrap and bacon breakfast quesadilla and Cinnabon delights), one more meal at Aunt Mo's (Digiorno's pizza and side salad) and one more meal out at The Lucky Dill. I decided I'd start being good at The Lucky Dill and I ordered a Greek Salad because I wanted to ease back into the diet. Once bizarre thing about their Greek salads down in Tampa is that they put a scoop of potato salad IN the salad. It's strange, but good!

Then I got drunk on the plane off of Dewars and now I am home. I did NOT cheat this past Cheat Day because my body hurt. Thanks for reading and living everyone! Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach

Dinner Diner is BACK!

Hey Cheaters. Not great news...

Me After a Slinger and a Surprise OTHER Meal

"What the fuck dude! How do you start an entry like that?! Get it together!"

Sorry...I'm such a piece of SHIT I know. I can't write blogs, I can't pound nasty food, I can't drink hard, and I can't GOD DAMN diet!

"Alright man! Jeez! Don't be so hard on yourself."

Sorry guys, I'm sorry! Sometimes I drink and eat too much during the week. I gained only 2 pounds this week but for god's sake I want my goal to GET ACHIEVED! Here's what happened people, here's why I am coming down on myself HARD!

"GROSS!"

COMING down on myself hard not GOING down on myself hard, get your head out of the gutter! Anyway, I was good on the diet Monday and Tuesday. I was even off early Tuesday with time to sleep in WEDNESDAY and I felt like I maintained! Let's talk turkey and pork. This week was cook out week, OKAY. I ended up at one Tuesday night and I ate olives and hot dogs with no buns and dipped 'em in mustard, so I was GOOD there but then I drank a bunch of beers and liquor drinks...soooo fuck!

Hotties at the Cookout!

Yes that IS Italian Beef on the Burger

On Wednesday it was fuggin' the 4th, okay. The greatest holiday this country has to offer! So you KNOW I threw back several beers, some DELICIOUS jalapeno popper dip (Thanks Drew and Jacquelyne), and some Chicago mix popcorn from Mariano's. But still I thought I did okay because everything else I ate was fruit, eggs, bacon, sausages, and hot dogs. But then, thanks to the lovely holiday in the middle of the week I had a short/non-existent work week which would normally help keep this diet on track. I took off Thursday to recuperate which turned into a touch of hair of the dog, nawsay? Plus a post movie stop at Slim's in Ravenswood for a "Slim's" burger and chili-cheese fries (Side note, the Slim's burger at Slim's might be my favorite burger in town and I will feature it on a future Cheat Day. Don't Care. post). Then Friday I knocked back a few with my coworker, Leslie, after work and then, like a siren goddess, Liz called me to Dinner Diner as it had just opened the morning prior!

"NOW we're getting to the good stuff!"

FUCK YEAH homie! Dinner Diner is back and it's still the TITS. I went and I COULD HAVE stayed on diet. I COULD have ordered steak and eggs, no hash browns. I COULD have ordered a veggie omelet but Dinner Diner has been closed for over a year and a half, so I went in hard on my first go-round and ordered the BEST thing on the menu: the double bacon cheeseburger with a side of hash browns instead of fries. Cheat Week continues!

I woke up Saturday morning and thought maybe I shouldn't cheat or maybe just do like a cheat breakfast type thing cause of all the boozing and the Slimsing and the Dinner Dinering and what not. Then, the siren goddess sang once more: Let's get donuts! BOOM, that sprang me out of bed and on our way to a Dunkin in the Western Brown Line station cause it is near a delightful park where we sat and ate. After the donuts and the chilling we went and did a Chooch Chat episode and I still had a half a mind to take it easy on Cheat Day and it was kind of panning out.

After the podcast and before HITTIN' the BEACH, Man Called Tony and I knocked back about 3 left over hot dogs each...SURPRISE CHEAT! They were CHEESE FILLED bitches and I put one in a bun! NOM NOM NOM NOM CHEAT DAY! The beach was a blast. We spent about an hour in the water playing like kids then another hour+ in the sand playing like kids...we're still kids.

I have a Cheat Day secret that NO ONE knows but me. The plan was to go home and rinse off after the beach, then Tony and I were supposed to hit up Dinner Diner again and THEN go to an epic cook out at funny man Rob Wilson's apartment. All of this DID happen mind you, but what NO ONE knows is that on my way home from the beach to rinse off I stopped a Byron's Hot Dogs on Lawrence to snag me an Italian Beef sammy, fries AND a fucking Pizza Puff.

"YOU FAT SACK OF CHEATIN' ASS!"

The Slinger in ALL IT'S GLORY

I thought you'd like that one! Then I got my ass back down to Dinner Diner and ordered up a Slinger. BANG-BANG BABY! Afterwards, feeling obscenely full and lethargic as what was turning out to be yet another EPIC Cheat Day started to reach it's final act, Man Called Tony and I slow rolled to Mr. Wilson's cook out, but neither of us could eat anything even though his spread was intense. We were both, in fact, worried about being party poopers (Man Called Tony did it! I avoided it). But, Alex Romero, we did strap on our drinking bag. I crushed probably about 4 bourbon drinks: Beam and ginger, JACK and ginger (compliments of James Manno's heavy pouring hand), Jack on the rocks, and 4 Roses on the rocks. I also took down 4 beers, TWO of which I slammed while waiting for Mike Hamilton to snag a rib on his way out the door. Hamilton was VERY impressed, you should ask him about it!

After that we went back to the G's to watch Semi-Pro, hands down the best Will Ferrell movie ever made. There was more drinking. I probably had one more glass of whiskey (and some water to help balance me out). So it looks like I am going to need to put in some WORK this week. Believe in me? I believe in you! I believe you'll take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Here's a picture of Sater eating an Ice Cream Sandwich in the Spirit of Cheat Day!

"Spoken" for by a "Big and Little" Keg Party this Cheat Day!

Happy America week you fuckin' cheatin' ass cheater eaters!

"WOAH HO HO DUDE! Comin' on REAL strong this week, don't ya think?"

HEY! If you don't like it this is gonna be a LONG post for you sexy cheats, beCAUSE this week for Cheat Day, I went to a KEG PARTY!!!! WOOOOO! Thanks Alex Romero and Andrew Campbell of Make It Up Media fame for getting me out to a Keg Party benefit jawn called Lemon Jeese to benefit PAWS Chicago, an Animal Rights org! BUT, I'm getting ahead of myself. Don't praise me for my selfless act of saving countless animals' lives one beer at a time just yet, because I've got some Cheat Day debauchery to report.

I awoke a little late because I had a REAL late night the night before (if you want to know more about that you're going to have to PM me) but I weighed in at my lowest weight yet, 243lbs! Which felt real good after I gained a little weight back from those vacations I was going on. Liz and I slowly and groggily got ourselves together and headed down to the local and lovely bagel cafe, Spoken, where I get...wait for it...a vegetarian sandwich!

"Did you just say vegetarian mawkfler?"

Liz's Sammy (also good)

YEAH man, chill. It was god damn delicious and it came on a PIZZA BIALY! The sandwich is called the Caldera, named after what it will leave after it is eaten. (Look it up and you might laugh). The sandwich has provolone, artichoke hearts, kalmata olives, and basil pesto. I also think I need to mention PIZZA BIALY again! I had to look up what a bialy was, it's a certain kind of flat-ish bagel and when there's pizza on a bagel it doesn't fucking matter whether or not there's meat it's gonna be fucking TASTY! Go get one, I dare you! Besides, I can eat meat any day of the week.

I then had to go to improv where I didn't eat anything so...MOVING ON! When I got out I went to record an episode of Chooch Chat with Anthony Giamichael, Mike Hamilton, and Mike Sater. It was mostly about the world cup. Also, before and during the podcast I ate peanut butter stuffed pretzel bites, golden berries, a delicious soft cheese atop cut bell peppers, vodka lemonade drinks, and of course BEERS (my old favorite Miller High Life to be exact).

I then went to my NEW SPOT OF THE WEEK to meet Liz for a Linner meal between her performances of Buddy-The Buddy Holly Story at Stage 773. The spot? Big and Little's on Belmont. Big and Little's is known for their fish tacos and has developed into a small chain over the last few years. They are a very popular dinner food spot in the city and they certainly do good everything.

I got the Al Pastor burger. Why?! Because you NUMBSKULLS they put FRIED pork belly up on that! Did you forget that I'm talkin' bout MAWfcklin' CHEAT DAY!? GOD. They also got American Swiss (the blondest of all the cheeses), pickled jalapeno, GRILLED PINEAPPLE, and "special sauce" (which I'm still convinced could be orange jizz). I also got me some cajun fries which are always a nice touch.

I'm gonna be honest with you here folks, this burger was easily the best item I have eaten off of the Big and Little's menu. I have been underwhelmed by them in the past. Granted, I'm not a fish or fish taco type of guy, though I AM a taco kind of guy so I think I'm just going to have to taco it up there in the future to continue to delve into what supposedly makes them so well liked on the north side.

From there I went to the Lemon Jeese keg party! It's for a good cause and I think the guys throwing it are fantastic. I ended up drinking cans of PBR and Modelo because the keg was a IPA and it was a little warm (amateurs). But it was nice, it was fun. I played a game of beer pong and shot gunned a beer with my boy Alex. Beer is great! Drinking is fun! Let's get drunk again NEXT Cheat Day.

Beer of the week

As the sun was setting and the party was coming to a close it was time to transition from Cheat Day into Cheat Night! I headed for an impromptu game night with the Giamichael's where I drank more Modelo, ate halves of leftover burritos from god only knows where!, and very quickly lost $5 in a game of 99. Want to know what it is? Come over and we'll take some of your money showing it to you!

Did I forget to mention...?

After that stop my friend Mike Sater and I grabbed more Miller High Lifes from the store and I ordered a late night end of Cheat Day Jet's pizza with jalapeno and pineapple with TURBO CRUST, DUH! Always Turbo Crust! And it seemed like it was a jalapeno and pineapple kind of day I reckon! Happy Summer!

It was a long wander of a cheat day where I bounced around all over the north side finding drinks and bad food to crush! It's a wonderful day of the week to be spending with friends and trying any thing and everything, especially when you've lost 7 pounds from the week before! This week is gonna be tough with Independence Day splitting it up, but I am hopeful! Maybe I'll amp up the working out! Send good vibes ya'll and let me know what you'd like to see me try NEXT Cheat Day! Take care of yourselves! Take care of each other. Eat like your life depended on it.

ELE,
Zach

Budlong Budstrong

Greetings from Cheat Town you Cheatin' SOBs! I'm BACK in Chicago! This fat sack of shit gained weight over the course of the last two Cheat "Days" because I was cheating for multiple god damn days each god damn week. I weighed back in at 250 lbs and YOU KNOW how I HATE that number. I never want to be that again GOD DAMMIT! SO, I'm back at it hard and strong THIS week.

"Hey IDIOT! Does that mean you didn't cheat very hard this weekend? Cause if SO I'm gonna stop reading RIGHT NOW!"

CRAM IT WITH WALNUTS UGLY! I Cheated just fine! Although I was back in Chi-town this Cheat Day was quite unique as I woke up on Tony Giamichael's (of Man Called Noon fame!) couch hung THE FUCK over. I awoke around 10:30AM in a daze, unsure of where I was. A dog named Danny jumped on me and tried to force me to pet him. I shook him off and slowly pried myself away from the couch. Moments later I was staring into the refrigerator using the door to help prop me up.

There wasn't much in there that was Cheat Day worthy except watermelon, but that shit hit the spot I tell you what! It definitely helped curb my initial hangover symptoms. I polished off about 5 or 6 chunks of watermelon before I had to head to my improv class at The Annoyance Theatre.

I decided to walk the 30 minutes to The Annoyance to clear my head and think of a quick place to stop and get some serious cheat food. My hungover brain struggled to remember what was between me and the theatre. But then about 15 minutes in it hit me like an alien erupting from my gut...the Wrigleyville Taco Bell was between me and the theatre. The only question I had next was: would I make it in time for breakfast?

NO. I. WOULDN'T! FUCK, oh well. You know I'm still down for Taco Bell of any kind at any time. GIMME DAT. I got a cheesy gordita crunch with a Dorito taco, cause it's that BEST alright?! How many fuggin' times do I have to say it! I also got me a cheesy bean and rice burrito and a 5 layer burrito cause I'm trying to pinch pennies MAWfckler! Then off I went to class, STILL hungover, but happy full!

Carr Valley Cheese

After class I went home and ate some delicious cheese that Liz and I brought back from Wisconsin. It was cheddar...cheddar's better. I love cheese.

Then the same Tony from before came over with a bunch of Coronas and we drank some of those before heading off to this week's JOINT OF THE WEEK: The Budlong in Lincoln Square! The Budlong is a Nashville style fried chicken joint. You know, those southern themed places that seem to be popping up all over the place?

"Yeah dingus, we KNOW, how was THIS one?!"

hey HEY! It was great! Maybe the best one. The location in Lincoln Square is chill. Tony pointed out that it has an old fashioned wooden door with a knob, it's not a sterile glass push door like most business have these days. It feels homie, like a local country spot you kind of stumble in to on a road trip through the sticks. The service was exquisite. The staff was friendly and helpful and our food was ready PRONTO.

We each ordered the tenders. You get three giant ass chicken tenders seasoned in a level of hotness to your discretion. The scale goes from "naked" (sexy) to X-Hot (SEXIER). I didn't want to ruin the rest of Cheat Day with some sort of spice related stomach issue so I stuck with the Hot. Tony and I agreed that if you ENJOY spicy but aren't necessarily the bravest of spice fans that hot is the way to go. It's not knock you on your ass hot but it will get you sweating a little bit. I felt the pressure behind my eyeballs for instance, but my mouth was never fully on fire.

The tenders also comes with a piece of Texas toast. Here's a pro-tip for you: If you are considering getting a sandwich...don't. It's more expensive and you can just wrap one of your tenders in a BIG ASSED piece of Texas toast and making allowing you to turn one tender into a taco shaped sandwich.

Liz and Al (of Liz and the Lovelies fame) were playing the Blue Jean Gala for Old Town School of Folk Music in Lincoln Square as well. They were posted up outside of a Sushi joint, called Miku Sushi, which was offering up a buffet of sushi for the event. DID I PARTAKE you say?! What THE FUCK do you think?! It's CHEAT DAY idn't it?! I had three or four pieces of sushi, a few fried spring roll type things, some beef and chicken skewers with some DELICIOUS sauce, and a Sapporo beer.

The rest of the Cheat Day consisted of drinking heavily cause good Ol'James Manno threw a small party to make some of his friends feel better. So, naturally there were a lot of drinks. I drank 6 High Life tallboys, 2 or 3 PBRs, and 3 shots of Jack...and to be honest probably even more than that...but after so many you start to get a little fuzzy on what it was you drank.

I got to hang out with an old friend I haven't seen in a while so it seemed fitting. To her it was like stepping back into college because so many of us knew each other from those days and it sounds like where she lives she doesn't get to see that many people from back in the day. It was fun...and necessary.

So, if some of you were disappointed by how much I drank last week I hope that this makes up for it. Because, what ended up happening is I crashed on James MANNO'S couch Saturday night. That's right...2 couch crashes as the bread on a Cheat Day sandwich. Needless to say I need a rest. There was a lot of taking care of each other this weekend, which is SO good. I love to see it and I am happy to help when I can for almost all of you! But let's not forget...take care of yourselves. YES take care of each other. And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach

Wisconsin Cheese - Ice Cream - Fudge OH MY!

Hey hey hey Cheaters! C'mon DOWN to CHEAT TOWN, aka Wisconsin! THAT is where I went THIS weekend. That's right TWO weekend getaways in two weeks and to some of the FATTEST places in this the FATTEST country on Earth! I haven't bothered weighing myself in for the past two weeks on account of these excursions because I can feel, IN MY FLAB, that I not only haven't lost weight but I have gained some back.

I would like my readership to know that the days between the getaways I stuck to the diet just so my body doesn't get completely used to pure crap. So cut me a little slack here!

Now, do you wanna know what I ate and where you should go if you find yourself in Wisconsin?! O-K!

First stop was Wisconsin Dells, WI. Which, if you didn't know, that place is like the water park capital of the world or some shit. I'm not gonna sugar coat it here people. Wisconsin Dells is EEEeeerily similar to Gatlinburg, TN. It's just got a but of kitschy crap: Old Timey Photo Joints, Fudge Shops, popcorn, Ripley's Believe It Or Not museums, random rides, taffy (even though these places are nowhere near salt water). These places are trashy, they are gaudy, and they're fun as fuck.

They are fun on a basic level. Rides are fun. Treats are fun. Strange entertainment like BS museums and side shows are fun. But it's also fun in an ironic way. People watching is fun. Making fun of others is fun. Making fun of the shops, attractions, and food is fun. Really letting yourself just go-all-in at these places makes for a brilliantly fun time.

Aside from that these places are America for good and bad. They are in the middle of beautiful parts of the country. Green lush farmlands or beautiful mountains surround these carnival towns. The people are simple and sweet and helpful.

These areas are also what other countries mock us for. These places are excess, they taunt world culture, they provide nothing for health or mental growth. It's pure visceral enjoyment.

"Bro you GOTTA shut up and tell us all the food you ate!"









Rude. But okay. My beautiful lady Liz and I got to the Wis Dells on Thursday. We ate responsibly before leaving Chicago and on the ride up: Eggs, bacon, apples, coffee, etc. After getting checked in and hanging at the park for a minute we went to to eat dinner at a local spot called Monk's as recommended by Chicago native and Wis Dells expert Leslie Maxey.

Leslie told me I had to try their burgers and THAT we did. They were solid. There weren't too many frills. They tasted like backyard bbq burgers or good old fashioned diner burgers. Liz and I split ours. I got the Jalapeno Cheddar Monkburger and she got the Gouda Monkburger. The Gouda is the way to go. It was delicious. That cheese made it. Also, I surprisingly didn't mind the mushrooms that were stacked on the mother. I ordered a New Glarus Spotted Cow on draft cause WISCONSIN. It was VERY close to the quality of a nice Steigl on Draft at Laschet's Inn in Chicago. We also got their cheese curds because, ya know...Wisconsin... but I'm not going to say much about them because we found better down the road.

The next day we got a free lunch at Pizza Pub thanks to the fact that we signed up to sit through a time share seminar. SIDEBAR: If you run into this scenario, FUGGIN DO IT! You get to mingle with some locals (laid back country folk) and they give you free ass shit like a pizza buffet and tickets to a dope ass water stunt show (Tommy Bartlett)! It was tight as hell!

Anyway, as I'm sure you've all probably correctly assumed, Pizza Pub has a Cici's-esque pizza buffet for lunch and that's what Liz and I ate. It was fine. I ate too much...and here it goes! I had a salad and some very salty french onion soup. I HAD TO OKAY! I needed something green! CUT ME SOME SLACK! Plus their salad bar was pretty choice, lots of good shit. I then ate two plates of pizza (stacked) and a plate of fettuccine-Alfredo. The pizza was MAYBE a notch above Cici's. I had taco pizza, BBQ chicken pizza, cheese burger pizza, cheese pizza, and pepperoni and sausage! THERE, ya HAPPY.

Munchie Madness

Later that night we got some ice cream from a local candy shop. It was delicious. Ice cream is a must when you're up in dairy land!

"What about breakfast? Last week you talked a BIIIIIG breakfast game!"

Well, Liz and I tried to stay somewhat responsible, so we'd only do this to ourselves once a day or so. We only had a bad breakfast once and it wasn't THAT bad really. It WAS at a place called Paul Bunyan's (I KNOW, another similarity! Davy Crockett's breakfast in Gatlinburg and Paul Bunyan's in Wisconsin. These towns love their folklore!) and it WAS all you can eat! But it wasn't buffet style. They just served everyone the same breakfast and you could have as much as you want. Here's a perfect example of excess in all the wrong ways. They offered fruit, but you had to pay extra for it...like fuggin' WHAT?! Give the people some FRUIT for fucks sake. The included items were eggs, ham, sausage, potatoes, pancakes, and biscuits and gravy. I only ordered more eggs and potatoes. Those two things were surprisingly good. I couldn't handle pancakes and biscuits at this juncture.

On our way home and after one of the best things Liz and I experienced (The House on the Rock) we passed through Madison, a LOVELY Cap City for sure. We were told to eat at The Old Fashioned and it TWAS delish. Now DEM Cheese Curds were DANK. They were maybe the best fried cheese I've ever had and for a thing that is pretty much impossible to make bad it is amazing how much better it can be. Go get em! I ordered another jalapeno burger which was ALSO great but different from Monk's. It was a little over seasoned and less love and care tasting...if that makes sense?

I also ordered an Old Fashioned cause, well! When in Rome, err 'Sconsin! It was indeed quite good. I'm no Old Fashioned expert but I've had a handful of Old Fashions where the liquor was a bit over powering and that wasn't the case here.

Honestly, that was about ALL I drank (sorry Alex) cause I was out with my girl and she don't drink and it's not right to be drinking alone. It makes the experience worse for both parties.

I loved Wisconsin. It was truly a cool place with great cheese. A lot of that had to do with who I explored it with. Liz and I lead some fairly busy and hectic lives so even though we live together and work in a band together we don't always get that quality time together and that's important. If you have a significant other make sure you get that in. Go on adventures, explore new places. Be patient with each other and have some GOD DAMN FUN for Christ's sake! Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depended on it.

ELE,
Zach