Cheat Week in Florida!

Hey everyone, sorry I missed a week, FUCKIN' SUE ME! I hope you managed to get through last Monday without tales of gluttony from the number one cheater! I'm back this week with not much of an update so this one is going to be short and sweet.

The reason I missed last week was because I was busy moving my parents from Virginia to Florida. On Monday, when Cheat Day. Don't Care is due I was driving from Jacksonville to Tampa and unloading trucks and furniture shopping. BUT! The Saturday before I was pounding back an obscene amount of Bud Light (3 18-packs between 5 people), eating Wawa sandwiches and Pizza Hut pizza. So that is what I was eating/drinking on what was technically Cheat Day last week.

I'm going to take a moment to praise Wawa. I am sure I have done this in posts past but they are great gas station subs. Low and behold I find out that Florida has something similar in a "Pub Sub" or a sub from the Publix grocery store chain. Wawa came into existence in VA when I was in High School. It was a 24 hour spot that we kids would go when the night was winding down and we had to make one more stop before heading back to mom and dad's house. It's tried and true. It basically never fails and aside from sandwiches they have a bomb ass selection of other treats (like cheese filled pretzels, strawberry kiwi drink, and cheap cigarettes YES, even smoke on cheat day). One of, if not the best sandwich at Wawa is their chicken salad, it's off the fucking hook. BUT, it was hoagie fest when I was there this time, so I ate a pizza cheese steak for breakfast! NOM NOM MAWfugglers.

Cheat Day certainly stretched itself a bit as my itinerary was hectic, making it near impossible to keep up with my standard dietary restrictions. I had to fly into DC on Cheat Day morning, pack up/throw out what was left of my parents' house, drink and party the night away, wake up and do a few last minute dump runs, eat at my childhood Taco Bell (Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Beefy 5-Layer, Cheesy Bean and Rice) with my boys one last time, drive to Jacksonville to crash at a LaQuinta for the night (On the trip I had Hot Fries, Pickles, 2 McChickens, 2 McDoubles/ @LaQuinta I had 2.5 Bud Light Limes), wake up and finish off the drive to the Tampa area (Once we arrived at my aunts house she fed us delicious fried chicken and pasta salad).

Once in the Tampa area we had to: unload the car, go furniture shopping, eat dinner out (Frenchy's Outpost where I had a giant buffalo grouper sandwich and fries). HARD NOTE, I ordered a delicious frozen pineapple alcohol beverage and there was not quite glass shards but shards of a glass-like substance in the drink. I do NOT recommend Frenchy's outpost, food was fine I guess. Next on the agenda was to get back to Aunt Maureen's house where we had to crash for the evening. We drank a few more Bud Light limes and swam in her awesome pool! The next day was unload the POD day. We did that and set up my folks' bedroom so we could stay in their new place for the night.

Palm Pavilion

We ate out again at a place called the Palm Pavilion which was right on the beach and I had a delicious Cuban sandwich. Apparently Tampa is ACTUALLY where the Cubano was invented as Tampa has the second largest Cuban population in the world! (I didn't fact check this, so if I'm wrong go fuck yourself). If you are ever in Clearwater Beach go to the Palm, it is a DElight. The next day my brother had to get on a plane and head home, but before he left we went to a little greasy spoon called the Garden Grille Cafe where I ate a half order of biscuits and gravy, eggs, bacon, and crispy potatoes. While at the Garden Grille Cafe we over heard a lengthy conversation about the redecorating of an old couples' condo, they sounded eerily similar to residents of Seinfeld's Del Bocca Vista. We all had a good laugh.

The rest of the itinerary was unpacking and more furniture shopping. I ate breakfast at Taco Bell (bacon breakfast crunchwrap and bacon breakfast quesadilla and Cinnabon delights), one more meal at Aunt Mo's (Digiorno's pizza and side salad) and one more meal out at The Lucky Dill. I decided I'd start being good at The Lucky Dill and I ordered a Greek Salad because I wanted to ease back into the diet. Once bizarre thing about their Greek salads down in Tampa is that they put a scoop of potato salad IN the salad. It's strange, but good!

Then I got drunk on the plane off of Dewars and now I am home. I did NOT cheat this past Cheat Day because my body hurt. Thanks for reading and living everyone! Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach

Cheese Day. Don't Care.

Yum a Dummy Do Cheaters! It is I Zach FARTILIUS Finch! Talkin' once again about CHEAT fuggin' DAY. I am back to sub-260 and I NEVER want to go above that ever the FUCK again! So gimme a "holla atcha boy" in the comments if you agree! OR DON'T Fuck it, what do I care. Ya'll are just here to live vicariously through a gluten and I love you for that!

I did it guys! I had a great week of Slow Carbs and I lost some poundage. I also did a lot of biking and walking on top of that. I intend on increasing my work out routine further and I will let you know how that goes next week. But I biked my DICK OFF let me tell you. And for those of you who bike, you know the exact feeling I'm talking about. And for those of you without dicks or don't bike or both I will describe it to you. Sometimes you bike SO MUCH that the narrow and HARD seat you are sitting on is CRAMMED deep into your taint and makes your junk fall asleep. Ya know, has your foot ever fallen asleep from you sitting on it? It's like that, but in your dick!

"WHERE DID YOU EAT YOU NASTY FREAK?!"

Ah jeez, my dick bit made you hungry eh? Well, I'll get right to it. I didn't make too strong of a plan for this Cheat Day as my lovely lady Liz was not to be joining me. So, we woke up and ate a rather usual breakfast: Eggs and Bacon, only this time we added CHEESE to everything. I also ate left over chips from an impromptu game night which I topped with, YOU GUESSED IT, CHEESE! Dem GOT DAMNED Henning's Wisconsin Cheese Curds at that. GOT DAMN that's good cheese.

Chooch Chat Episode 84

I then went to record an episode of my podcast, Chooch Chat, with Tony Giamichael of the Rock and Roll outfit Man Called Noon. On the way to his place I picked up an 8 pack of Guinness pints. I left only two in the Mom's Studio fridge when all was said and done. Beer is a truly yearn-able beverage on this slow carb diet. For a guy like me to limit himself to one day of beer per week is quite a feat. So I LEANED into it. I had 6 pints of Guinness, 2 Ayingers, and 2 Busch Lights while at Mom's Studios. I know, the quality really drops off there, but HEY that's 8 pretty heavy beers, all while I was at Mom's Studio doing the podcast and I was still standing and ready for more! I also ate MORE cheese there, a delicious assortment of Trader Joe's fancy cheeses. I guess we'll call this one CHEESE Day. Don't Care...

After that Tony and I went to Nick's on Wilson where our friend, Nick Taylor, was working. Nick's on Wilson is JUST a bar, no food. I'd call it a dive bar, but Tony thinks it's too nice...stupid idiot! I knew before I was gonna drink anymore I needed SOMEthing to eat. So we went into the adjacent 7-Eleven where I got a small Italian sub and 4 taquitos. FLAVORS?! 2 Jalapeno and Cream Cheese and 2 Taco and Cheese. The 7-Eleven taquito is one of my all time favorite guilty pleasure foods. I'll gladly waste some Cheat Day gut space on those bad boys.

Once in Nick's I enjoyed 3 more beers, 3 Floyd's Alpha King on tap. Delicious. Nick also made Tony and I a special shot which he called a rainbow water slide. VERY fruity. I'm pretty sure Nick just used all of the Stoli flavored vodkas for it. It was nearing the end of my Cheat Day when I left Nick's bar and I wasn't entirely satisfied with my choices. But then, I met back up with Liz and She. Changed. Everything.

Neither of us wanted to do much with our Saturday evening so we made our way to our local bodega for some snacks to nosh on while watching a movie. My choice was nachos and a burrito from a local Mexican joint, FUCK bodega snacks, those are for suckers. And as we approached the bodega we saw a bright shiny idea bulb in the form of the new local corner bar to our neighborhood: Wolcott Tap!

We went in and I CONTINUED to drink beer! I ordered 2 Half-Acre Daisycutters and a Hamms. The Hamms was only $3 on tap, not too shabby a price. While there we also made the bold decision to ORDER FUCKING FOOD. I did it! I hit up a new local spot! A Cheat Day NECESSITY, so I am glad this turn of events took place. They had a good bar menu! And, though a bit pricey, delicious food. I ordered a Cheesesteak with Fries and Liz ordered the Cubano. Their Cheesesteak and Cubanos were a bit different but delicious none the less. See they hollow out these strange delicious rolls that are nice and crispy and buttery, yum a dum dum, and then they stuff those rolls with delicious fillings, the likes of which you'd find on a cheesesteak or in a cubano. I was nervous the sandwiches would fall apart easily, but quite the contrary! They held together exquisitely. The fries, though not my usual preference were quite good and unique. I give it a solid point and pump. It's going to be great because it is super close too!

To cap it all off I got some Cherry Coke (the king of sodas) at that bodega afterwards and made some whiskey-cokes. I woke up this morning with a horrible stomach ache. I guess cheat day was a huge success. Don't forget everyone: Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depended on it.

ELE
Zach