Freaky Cheat Day

OH MY GOD Cheatsters! What a wild Cheat Day this past week. Before I get into the crazy stuff let me just tell you that I gained only ONE pound since the 4th of July and the wild Florida week and I think that's actually pretty gaul dern GOOD, kay?! So if you're like pissed or whatever you can just effing SHOVE IT!

Also, If this is your first time reading EVER or even in a while go back and read a few posts and you'll know what the hell I have been up to and why I'm not mad about gaining a pound on the slow carb diet.

I need to give a quick shout out to Soup, Maureen M., Super Bowl Champ Alex R., and as usual the loveliest lovely Liz C. for a mid week cook out on the beach. Alex R. was, rightfully, busting my balls because I was enjoying a few midweek beers during the cook out. I want to point out once more to him and EVERYONE that I stuck to JUST meat and veggies for vittles this cook out alright?! My cookout meal was a burger patty, a sausage, some try-colored bell peppers and humus. SO YEAH, I had a few midweek beers alright?! SUE ME!

I also need to shout out at the top to the Jackies, Sater, Summer James, Adam, and the Loveliest Liz AGAIN! Cause we went to Dinner Diner after the Friday night Man Called Noon show where I ate a slinger and 7/8ths of a double bacon cheeseburger. It WAS after midnight though, so... FUCK IT, it counts as Cheat Day.

I awoke Cheat Day morn' knowing I had a fairly busy day ahead of me. I had to go to my final Annoyance class with Ryan A., I then had an audition across town for the Plagiarists next theatrical season, THEN I had to walk Rob Face and Erin "Sandra Bullock" C.'s lil' baby pup Barkley. Quite a busy Cheat Day...a little TOO busy for my taste, but I went on my way. For first bites I went back to the Budlong with the Lovely Liz and friends Jaq Attack and Drew "You Simply Must" J. for a lil'fried Chicken brunch. If you're a fan of the blog you know the Budlong, a fantastic little Nashville Hot style fried chicken joint with multiple Chicago locations. Our local one is in Lincoln Square and it is delightful.  I ordered the Hot tenders, a side of mac and cheese, and a cheerwine. A solid meal to start a cheat day for sure...BUT THEN!

Barkley

I went to class and I was expecting a quick lunch with teacher and friend Ryan A. but it had to be postponed. So, instead I got a black iced coffee from Starbucks (A Non-Cheat Day treat) and went to my audition early. I CRUSHED the audition thanks to Liz's and Ryan's help and then went over to Hambone and Summer James' crib (aka The Sing What You Say Place) which was close by the audition AS WELL AS the sweet puppy Barkley whom I'd have to be walking soon. I was met with a PBR (a delightful cheat-y beverage) and we began talking about what we'd be eating for Cheat Day Dinner! You see people love being around on Cheat Day because they get to go on a fantastical Cheat Day adventure with yours truly, so we began to plan.

We decided it'd be good to hit the beach for a bit before the dog walk and before it got dark. So Hambone slid me a special brownie (A delightful Cheat Treat) and assured me it wouldn't launch me to far out there maaaan. So we also rounded up some vodka and some vitamin waters (A Non-Cheat Day Treat...) went to the beach, threw around a frisbee, ran into some good ol'friends (shout out Tommy C. and Sophie B.!) then drank some vodka drinks. I went to walk the dog and the plan was to reconvene at The Sing What You Say Place and get SERIOUS about CHEATING on something new for your sweet eyeballs to take in and your bellies to YERN for!...but then...

Steve Leme in Beerfest

The edible started hitting me REAL good, really not too much, honestly just right. I was feeling social and good and happy and ready to EAT! I got back to The Sing What You Say Place to figure it out and Summer James DEMANDED that we all take what he called a "Bloody Skull." I first learned of something similar to this in the movie "Beerfest" in which they call it a "strikeout." Summer James' version simply was to take a hit out of a bowl (inhale only) and then we would each take a shot of whiskey (cheat day treat) then exhale the hit. "Sure why not!" I said! "CHEAT DAY!" we Cheered!

From that moment on I was no longer the Zach you all know and love. I was indeed out of this world. I was giggly and squirmy and paranoid, I could NOT organize my thoughts properly nor did I have the ability to rally a bunch of drunk and high people to go get some delicious Cheat Day fare from a place we'd never been before!

THEN, out of nowhere! A young family shows up to the Sing What You Say Place...with CHILDREN ages 2 and 5. Now, I bet some of you read this and probably think to yourselves, "geez Zach I'm not sure you should be around children completely sober even!" And first of all FUCK YOU, but you aren't wrong, I've got a mouth on me and not much of a filter, but I am also surprisingly good with kids so take that opinion and shove it!

That being said, I really didn't have any business being around kids in this case. I was gone! I was drunk off vodka and a shot of whiskey and high off of a brownie and a solid hit from a bowl that had me coughing hard when a shot divided what should be a normal inhale/exhale. On top of that I was HANGRY as a mother fucker because all I had on Cheat Day so far was 3 chicken tenders, Texas Toast, half a thing of Mac and Cheese, and a pot brownie.

"WOW Zach, I'm sure you were FUCKED! What'd you do?!"

I hid...I hid in Summer James' bathroom until the family was gone. When I emerged Summer James pointed out that I had no business going out in public to eat if I had to hide from children...so...we ordered Jet's Pizza...so...sorry not sorry. ALWAYS JET'S! We got two larges for four people. One was chicken bacon mushroom green pepper on Cajun Crust (delightful) and one was pineapple jalapeno and pepperoni on TURBO CRUST. WOOO! If you haven't had Jet's yet, you're fucking up!

After I ate I was feeling much better and I had an early morning the next day so I had to head home. On my way home I stopped at Lindo Guadalajara to get a plate of chorizo nachos to-go that I split with the loveliest Liz when I got home. So I made up some lost Cheat Day ground that way.

WOOO! What a wild one, right everyone?! I guess my Cheat Day this time was more party based than new food based! I'm glad everyone is okay though. I want to hand it to Summer James, Hambone and the previously unmentioned Santiago for taking care of me! Just like I tell all of you each week. Take care of each other! Take care of yourselves. Eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach