Dinner Diner is BACK!

Hey Cheaters. Not great news...

Me After a Slinger and a Surprise OTHER Meal

"What the fuck dude! How do you start an entry like that?! Get it together!"

Sorry...I'm such a piece of SHIT I know. I can't write blogs, I can't pound nasty food, I can't drink hard, and I can't GOD DAMN diet!

"Alright man! Jeez! Don't be so hard on yourself."

Sorry guys, I'm sorry! Sometimes I drink and eat too much during the week. I gained only 2 pounds this week but for god's sake I want my goal to GET ACHIEVED! Here's what happened people, here's why I am coming down on myself HARD!

"GROSS!"

COMING down on myself hard not GOING down on myself hard, get your head out of the gutter! Anyway, I was good on the diet Monday and Tuesday. I was even off early Tuesday with time to sleep in WEDNESDAY and I felt like I maintained! Let's talk turkey and pork. This week was cook out week, OKAY. I ended up at one Tuesday night and I ate olives and hot dogs with no buns and dipped 'em in mustard, so I was GOOD there but then I drank a bunch of beers and liquor drinks...soooo fuck!

Hotties at the Cookout!

Yes that IS Italian Beef on the Burger

On Wednesday it was fuggin' the 4th, okay. The greatest holiday this country has to offer! So you KNOW I threw back several beers, some DELICIOUS jalapeno popper dip (Thanks Drew and Jacquelyne), and some Chicago mix popcorn from Mariano's. But still I thought I did okay because everything else I ate was fruit, eggs, bacon, sausages, and hot dogs. But then, thanks to the lovely holiday in the middle of the week I had a short/non-existent work week which would normally help keep this diet on track. I took off Thursday to recuperate which turned into a touch of hair of the dog, nawsay? Plus a post movie stop at Slim's in Ravenswood for a "Slim's" burger and chili-cheese fries (Side note, the Slim's burger at Slim's might be my favorite burger in town and I will feature it on a future Cheat Day. Don't Care. post). Then Friday I knocked back a few with my coworker, Leslie, after work and then, like a siren goddess, Liz called me to Dinner Diner as it had just opened the morning prior!

"NOW we're getting to the good stuff!"

FUCK YEAH homie! Dinner Diner is back and it's still the TITS. I went and I COULD HAVE stayed on diet. I COULD have ordered steak and eggs, no hash browns. I COULD have ordered a veggie omelet but Dinner Diner has been closed for over a year and a half, so I went in hard on my first go-round and ordered the BEST thing on the menu: the double bacon cheeseburger with a side of hash browns instead of fries. Cheat Week continues!

I woke up Saturday morning and thought maybe I shouldn't cheat or maybe just do like a cheat breakfast type thing cause of all the boozing and the Slimsing and the Dinner Dinering and what not. Then, the siren goddess sang once more: Let's get donuts! BOOM, that sprang me out of bed and on our way to a Dunkin in the Western Brown Line station cause it is near a delightful park where we sat and ate. After the donuts and the chilling we went and did a Chooch Chat episode and I still had a half a mind to take it easy on Cheat Day and it was kind of panning out.

After the podcast and before HITTIN' the BEACH, Man Called Tony and I knocked back about 3 left over hot dogs each...SURPRISE CHEAT! They were CHEESE FILLED bitches and I put one in a bun! NOM NOM NOM NOM CHEAT DAY! The beach was a blast. We spent about an hour in the water playing like kids then another hour+ in the sand playing like kids...we're still kids.

I have a Cheat Day secret that NO ONE knows but me. The plan was to go home and rinse off after the beach, then Tony and I were supposed to hit up Dinner Diner again and THEN go to an epic cook out at funny man Rob Wilson's apartment. All of this DID happen mind you, but what NO ONE knows is that on my way home from the beach to rinse off I stopped a Byron's Hot Dogs on Lawrence to snag me an Italian Beef sammy, fries AND a fucking Pizza Puff.

"YOU FAT SACK OF CHEATIN' ASS!"

The Slinger in ALL IT'S GLORY

I thought you'd like that one! Then I got my ass back down to Dinner Diner and ordered up a Slinger. BANG-BANG BABY! Afterwards, feeling obscenely full and lethargic as what was turning out to be yet another EPIC Cheat Day started to reach it's final act, Man Called Tony and I slow rolled to Mr. Wilson's cook out, but neither of us could eat anything even though his spread was intense. We were both, in fact, worried about being party poopers (Man Called Tony did it! I avoided it). But, Alex Romero, we did strap on our drinking bag. I crushed probably about 4 bourbon drinks: Beam and ginger, JACK and ginger (compliments of James Manno's heavy pouring hand), Jack on the rocks, and 4 Roses on the rocks. I also took down 4 beers, TWO of which I slammed while waiting for Mike Hamilton to snag a rib on his way out the door. Hamilton was VERY impressed, you should ask him about it!

After that we went back to the G's to watch Semi-Pro, hands down the best Will Ferrell movie ever made. There was more drinking. I probably had one more glass of whiskey (and some water to help balance me out). So it looks like I am going to need to put in some WORK this week. Believe in me? I believe in you! I believe you'll take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Here's a picture of Sater eating an Ice Cream Sandwich in the Spirit of Cheat Day!

Didya Miss Me Like I Miss Cheat Day?!

GOOD DAY Cheaters! I know, I FUCKING KNOW! I missed Memorial Day weekend Cheat Day! I get it! You had nothing to read ON Memorial Day! Well you shouldn't have been reading anyway, you should have been HONORING THE TROOPS! If you were gonna read anything it should have been WWII books or anything by Tom Clancy. You don't want to hear about that Cheat Day anyway, because that Cheat Day was meh on account I ended up kind of spreading it out into a Cheat Weekend, as I ate a bunch of fruit and cheese on Memorial Day.

Now I say LAST Cheat Day sucked but this one kind of sucked a fat one too. (How do you KIND OF suck a fat one?) Oh, you'll find out... It Sucked as in it was HIGHLY uninteresting, so I'm going to try to gussy this post up with as much flowery language as I possibly can. As you know I've got to start with the weigh in! I am down 8 pound from 2 weeks ago! This means I have been sub 250 for 2 weeks straight. It feels good too. I HATE 250lbs. 250lbs feels FAT. Soooooo FAT. Fatty Fatty Buttcrack!


I accomplished this 8 pound loss by OF COURSE sticking pretty decently to the slow carb diet but ALSO biking hard miles along the lake shore trail daily, and pumping out some daily push ups. I hope to further my work out regimen as time goes on and weight gets harder to lose!

"ZACH! SHUT UP AND TELL US HOW YOU REALLY LOST DEM POUNDS!"

Alright, pushy asshole! I REALLY lost "dem pounds" but waking up Cheat Day morning and walking my thin sexy ass down to the local grocery store, Mariano's. At Mariano's I bought this skinny-mini a chocolate glazed cinnamon roll thing! Do you know what I'm talking about? It like curls around, there's no hole, it's ALL FRIGGIN DONUT! Right? Can you picture it? I'm sorry I didn't get a picture of it because I ate it too fast and too hard! It looked something like the thing to the right. But that's not all I got at Mariano's...

I also got a bagel that was covered in toasted cheddar/asiago cheese and jalapeños. I bought this bagel because I was fixin' on fixing me up a bagel breakfast sandwich back at home! I also got some sliced munster cheese to add to that bad boy. This breakfast sandwich may have been one of, if not THE best sandwich I ever personally crafted for myself. Aside from the delicious bagel you're talking scrambled eggs, hard salami, Frank's red hot, and of course dat munster cheese was melted onto the bagel AND onto the eggs, it doesn't look like much but... mmmmawwwwgggggg. Sweet mother of mercy I want another one RIGHT NOW!

I didn't get to go anywhere new this past Cheat Day. I KNOW, I'm a failure! Well if you're so smart tell me where I should go next week! I dare you! And I'll tell you how friggin right or wrong your were! Where DID I go? I'll give you 3 guesses...

No, not Chuck E. Cheese! Dorks, I'm an adult!

No! Not Fudruckers! GROSS!

WHAT?! God you're stupid, it definitely wasn't Chili's! Although that's my favorite chain restaurant so I'll award you half a point for that.

IT WAS TACO BELL, DER! I did it again! I HAD TO! It was on my way home from my mid-day improv class. And there's only one way that Taco Bell tastes any better than usual and that is after being SO funny on a Cheat Day afternoon. I got the usual...

You know what the usual is! YES, you do! I'm not explaining it again! Go back and read like literally any other post and you'll know what I ordered! Jesus! I will say that I need to re-evaluate how I order Taco Bell. Right now I get 4, that's right 4! premium items which makes my bill an obscenely high amount for one man at Taco Bell. This ain't the right way to go about things when we all know it's the same 3 ingredients inside each menu item anyway, whether it's off the "Cravings Menu" costing only a dollar or off the regular menu costing $3 to $8.

The funny thing about this trip to TB is that while at the Bell my sweet lady Liz had gotten back from her gig and started making us quesadillas with the left over tortillas from last Cheat Day's breakfast burritos, what was left of the morning's munster cheese, and the remaining kabobs from Memorial Day. Did I eat one after stuffing my face full of Bell less than an hour prior? You bet your hot tits I did! AND I dipped it in Tostitos chili con queso. MMM, disgusting and delicious....and disgusting.

After that there wasn't much else I consumed that wasn't beer. I drank a bunch at my friend Andrew Campbell's improv show then we went to Nick's on Wilson to drink a few more beers. We got pretty drunk but left before 1AM like responsible adults! Here's the beers I drank:


5 High Life Tallboys
2 Shiner Bocks
1 Old Style Tallboy
1 PBR
2 Three Floyds Alpha King

Is that a lot? Prolly, but FUCK IT, cause I biked home, avoiding rain, and I didn't get ANYTHING ELSE to eat! How do you like dem apples! I'm a responsible drunken Cheat Dayer! That will also help me lose weight quicker is having a nice lil'cut off to my shenanigans in the evening. 200lbs here I come! Is 200 to low for old Zach? Do you think I'd be awkwardly skinny? I am quite tall and generally I have a large build. If I have a bunch of muscles it might be REAL hard to get to 200. What do YOU think?! This is an open forum here! Leave a comment! Also take care of yourselves! Take care of each other! And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach

17 Steps Forward 10 Steps Back

The Fare at Forastero

I fucked it up again guys! I regained weight because of beer during the week as well as one LATE night meal because I was drunk and hungry and needed sustenance after the fantastic play "Doppelganger" at  Steppenwolf! So, before I go into what may have been my weakest Cheat Day yet I will tell you how I am going to come back, and I want to thank a few people for calling me out while I was slipping. It keeps me in check, THANK YOU. That mixed with the weekly weigh-ins really highlight when and how I am fucking this up.

This week. 0 Beer, Strict Diet, back on the bike, plus some muscle training to get back down to sub 250!

I am going to start this Cheat Day with the bad ass meal I ate around 2AM Friday night. NO, though technically 2 AM is Saturday morning not Friday night, it does NOT count as Cheat Day. As stated before in this blog Cheat Day should begin as soon as I wake up Cheat Day morn as to not effect my weigh in, Which I am sure it did this week.

The amazingly delectable late-night meal was devoured at a new family owned establishment on North Ave. between Second City and Steppenwolf called: Forastero. Forastero boasts a lovely and new late night atmosphere, BYOB status, and a Mexican-Korean fusion. There is a high amount a care put into every dish we ordered, including something as simple as their french fries which came with a garlic aioli. French fries are a hard thing to fuck up but they are also hard to get perfect. I will say everything about these fries was perfect, down to the temperature, which stayed hot for an alarming amount of time.

The other items I tasted from this fine establishment all receive a similar praise. Everything came to the table piping hot and the dishes were packed with an intense and interesting level of flavor. My three tacos were each unique and delicious. The "Esta Camaron" was stuffed with fried shrimp some light veggie garnishes and two delicious spicy sauces: a Korean aioli and seasame sauce. Fuck my nuts off I love spicy sauces and theirs CRUSH. I also ordered the "Porky Pig" which was STUFFED with shredded pork that was so nice and juicy! I am VERY aroused. The third was a "Tinga de Pollo" because it had chorizo in it and you KNOW I love chorizo.

Finally I ordered one of their house specialties (and staff favorites) for the table: Dak Wings. These puppies were scorching hot for what felt like forever. The sauce they were covered in was hella (that's right I'm using hella now) unique and deadass to die for. It was a pomegranate molasses mixed with the spice of Guajillo and Gochugaru peppers. Seriously go check this place out! Especially if you are in that area often. You will NOT be disappointed.

The rest of my cheat food included home made smothered and covered Waffle House Hash Browns (YUMMY DUMMIES!) and a chocolate covered donut.

Side note: Be careful going to the grocery store the morning of cheat day as you are buying food that is supposed to last several meals. Not only does it leave you with tempting excess, but it also costs more than you think!

I DID go to Taco Bell to get the new Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa (meh it was fine, FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH THAT BEEF, BELL! COME ON!). I also got a Beef Quesarito, a Chicken Quesadilla, and a Cheesy Gordita Crunch with a Doritos Locos Taco....so...sorry not sorry!

Then there was BEER, waddup Alex?! Mostly Busch Light from a can and Miller Light Pitchers from the bowling alley. "Which bowling alley you TUB OF DUMP?!"

Come on! Easy on the nicknames! If you want to bowl, please go to Timber Lanes! And that my friends wraps up this week's Cheat Day! Of course there wasn't as much to eat as usual, what with my late Friday night meal I am counting, but I still managed to eat some real nice shit! Some shitty ass shit! Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like you life depended on it.

ELE,
Zach

Cheat Week? DO Care.

Alright ya cheatin' ass maw tuggin' butt lickin' dong SNIFFERS! I'm SORRY! Alright. I came out and said it. RIGHT OFF THE BAT TOO! Okay? None of that tired/half-assed Louis CK type apology, NAH. NO SIR. I. AM. SORRY. Alright?! Sorry to you for letting you down. I am stuck up at my original weight! For those of you who don't know it's about 263 lbs....And I wanted to be a 200 by August, WELL NOT AT THIS RATE! And I am sorry to you, my faithful reader for that. I'm also sorry to myself. Sorry Zach, hey, it's okay Zach. You're trying! You're conscious of your situation at least. You are working toward a better, healthier life and this is a commendable step...yeah-well-THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH OTHER ZACH! Ehem... Here's what happened...

Loyola Taco Bell Interior

Last day-after-cheat-day the Kansas Jayhawks played the Duke Blue Devils in the Elite 8 for a spot in the Final 4 and the Jayhawks totally won! It was an awesome game too, close the whole way through. During the game I got a little drunk of Vodka Tonics. BOOM, already a bad sign. Last week I TOLD YOU I wouldn't be drinking on Non-Cheat Days and here I am, knocking back Vodka-Sodas like some middle aged woman and a BAD cheater! Anyway the intoxication of the victory mixed with the intoxication of the vodka set in motion some bad decision making on my part. I had decided that it would be a good idea to go to Taco Bell to celebrate....I KNOW. STUPID!...wanna know what I ate?
I KNEW YOU DID! You friggin' VOYEURS! I ate a Crunchwrap Supreme, A Chicken Quesadilla, a Cheesy Gordita Crunch WITH a Doritos Locos Taco, AND a Beef Quesarito OR, as I call it, the usual. Next, I let myself get talked into a "bang-bang". For those of you who don't know I'll explain. A "bang-bang" is where fat people, or people with a cheat day, will go to one restaurant sit and eat a meal and then immediately go to another restaurant and eat a whole OTHER meal. Fuckin' A right? America! Good thing I had all those vodka sodas rather than beer otherwise I'd be 360 lbs amirite? I know, I know, I'm wrong...STUPID!

"The Usual"

"Zach! Shut up and tell us where the 2nd half of this bang-bang took place!"

Raising Cane's

FINE, FUCK! I went up the street from the Loyola Campus Taco Bell to the Loyola Campus Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers. This was actually a serious treat, even on non-cheat day, as I had never been before. Cane's Chicken Fingers are truly top notch, especially for a chain. The fingers were HOT, the breading was plentiful AND crispy. The meat? Succulent and juicy. I'd go back, again and again. It was reminiscent of Lee's Fried Chicken in Richmond, VA, if anyone of you has ever had that before.

Giordano's Thin Crust

Anyway, this bang-bang was just the beginning of a BAD week. After a couple of solid days of slow-carb I hosted a meeting at my work during which my company provides free pizza and beer. I'm not going to lie, it was also a rough week at work and I cracked immediately on the beer. That, in turn, led me to crack on the pizza. I ate off of the left over Giordano's thin crust pizza for the rest of the week. Which leads me to this past Cheat Day.

Still Site

TURBO CRUST

I DID NOT pull a normal Cheat Day. Instead, I didn't eat anything all day until that TERRIBLE TERRIBLE Final Four, during which I pounded a few Steigl Gold Brau and Miller High Life's. Then we got some GOD DAMN Jet's Pizza! This is hands down the best chain pizza going right now. If you don't know the ways of Jet's Pizza and their Turbo Crust you've got to get yourself initiated. Jet's is a Detroit-Style Pizza Chain that boasts several different buttery/crispy pizza dough flavors, the most epic of which is TURBO CRUST! It's flavor and texture is unbeatable. It is soft and chewy and cheesy and delicious. Do yourself a FLAVOR and get yourself some GOD DAMN JET'S!

Braciole

Finally there was Easter Sunday. I was to be going to Easter Dinner at the Giamichael's. There would be no way I would make it out of there without devouring some mad carbs and so I allowed myself one more day before hopping back onto the Slow Carb horse. While there I drank a bunch of beers, DUH. I brought a Taco Bell Party Pack to contribute to the party and ate 2 and a half soft tacos myself. I ate cheese and crackers, fruit, delicious home-made pasta and scalloped potatoes. And then there were the meats! I had homemade meatballs, braciola, Italian sausage, and of course the Easter Sunday favorite: HAM! Finally, desserts. Now, I can't remember what I even ate. I think there was some lemon cake, some chocolate pie, and some GAUL DERN Italian cookies. My sides hurt all over again and I am struggling to breathe.

After all that I was done! I decided 100% that I absolutely had to re-set if I wanted to keep going on the Cheat Day Train. So as I write this I am two days in to clean eating and drinking. No alcohol during the week, again no carbs outside of complex carbs and yes mostly protein and veggies. It ain't easy, as I have already shown just two months into this diet, but I am also going to hop back on my bike and get some more cardio and hopefully get on a better exercise regimen to really kick this fucking thing into high gear! Thank you Liz, Alex, Nick and Brian for the inspiration to get this diet back on track! For more please visit www.zachandtony.com. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your like depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch