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Wellity Wellity Wellity Cheat Day fans. This one's BUSTIN LOOSE. NOT my best work happened this Cheat Day my fans, I'm not gonna lie. But let's see what kind of fun I can make out of this one. 

I got up early because I had to hit the road and BURN RUBBER. I SMASHED a buttered jalapeno cheddar bagel from Call Your Mothers and three mini quesadilla bites to get myself goin!

I stopped at skinny mini McD's place where I housed a breakfast Bud Light before we had to hit the skids all the way down to Newport News, VA. Obviously this kind of drive would require a fast food pit stop. This time? Hardee's. My second favorite fast food burger after Cookout and my second favorite fast food breakfast after BELL. By the time we got there we were both starving. 

 

I got the Monster Angus Burger and the Hand-Breaded Chicken Sandwich. Both sandwiches look like pure trash. That monster burger looks like a literal monster and the chicken sandwich was anything but hand-breaded. BUT, they're actually delicious and just what the doctor ordered. Not my doctor of course, because my doctor would never recommend that level of salty salty goodness. I wash them bad boys down with a Cherry Coke from the tap and then grab a Dr. Pepper for the rest of the drive. That's WAY too much soda for this adult male but not nearly enough for the fat teen still living inside.

We arrive at our destination, a holiday/house warming party, and 3 hours too early. Do we pace ourselves? NO EFFING WAY! I instantly break into the Devil's Backbone "Buck Tradition" Naughty/Nice IPAs I brought along. Followed by Miller Lite after Heineken after Miller Lite that was also already stocked and loaded at the party. 

5PM Rolls around and so do the guests. The Tostitos Cheese Dip is finally warm. I scarf a couple chips and dip. It's divine. The beef brisket in the slow cooker, which my brother and his fiancee prepared, is also finished. I snag myself a sandwich on a Hawaiian roll with a slice of pepper jack. It's gone in 10 seconds and it is DOPE. Surely this is enough to allow me to continue HOUSING BEERS!

 

It's not! The next thing I know a party guest shows up with some Woodford Reserve. I drunkenly (stupidly) help myself to a glass. 

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Some Shouting "ZACH GO TO BED"

"What's this?!" - me as I tear into a Costco sized bag of tater tots before they explode and scatter across the floor. 

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*TATER TOT NOSH*

Now I'm fully laying face down on an air mattress in a strange dark room. I'm still hungry, that's not right. Not on Cheat Day. I get up. I go back into the kitchen. I grab a tray of fruit and I take it to bed. I eat some pieces and pass out. 

Moral of the story? You're in your 30s. Food > Booze at your party. 

The point and pump this week goes to the lessons I learned on this Cheat Day. Cheat Day tends to equal binge day. That's not the best way to handle Cheat Day, not unlike the rest of the week, should be a gift not a curse or punishment. 

Here's my progress:

NIPS: 46 1/4 (1/2 inch LARGER coughCHEST DAYcough)
BELLY: 42 1/4 (1/4 inch LARGER....uhhh...I don't know?)
HIPS: 41 1/2 (1/4 SLIMER...SEE! Still got it!)

You know what to do people. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch

"Spoken" for by a "Big and Little" Keg Party this Cheat Day!

Happy America week you fuckin' cheatin' ass cheater eaters!

"WOAH HO HO DUDE! Comin' on REAL strong this week, don't ya think?"

HEY! If you don't like it this is gonna be a LONG post for you sexy cheats, beCAUSE this week for Cheat Day, I went to a KEG PARTY!!!! WOOOOO! Thanks Alex Romero and Andrew Campbell of Make It Up Media fame for getting me out to a Keg Party benefit jawn called Lemon Jeese to benefit PAWS Chicago, an Animal Rights org! BUT, I'm getting ahead of myself. Don't praise me for my selfless act of saving countless animals' lives one beer at a time just yet, because I've got some Cheat Day debauchery to report.

I awoke a little late because I had a REAL late night the night before (if you want to know more about that you're going to have to PM me) but I weighed in at my lowest weight yet, 243lbs! Which felt real good after I gained a little weight back from those vacations I was going on. Liz and I slowly and groggily got ourselves together and headed down to the local and lovely bagel cafe, Spoken, where I get...wait for it...a vegetarian sandwich!

"Did you just say vegetarian mawkfler?"

Liz's Sammy (also good)

YEAH man, chill. It was god damn delicious and it came on a PIZZA BIALY! The sandwich is called the Caldera, named after what it will leave after it is eaten. (Look it up and you might laugh). The sandwich has provolone, artichoke hearts, kalmata olives, and basil pesto. I also think I need to mention PIZZA BIALY again! I had to look up what a bialy was, it's a certain kind of flat-ish bagel and when there's pizza on a bagel it doesn't fucking matter whether or not there's meat it's gonna be fucking TASTY! Go get one, I dare you! Besides, I can eat meat any day of the week.

I then had to go to improv where I didn't eat anything so...MOVING ON! When I got out I went to record an episode of Chooch Chat with Anthony Giamichael, Mike Hamilton, and Mike Sater. It was mostly about the world cup. Also, before and during the podcast I ate peanut butter stuffed pretzel bites, golden berries, a delicious soft cheese atop cut bell peppers, vodka lemonade drinks, and of course BEERS (my old favorite Miller High Life to be exact).

I then went to my NEW SPOT OF THE WEEK to meet Liz for a Linner meal between her performances of Buddy-The Buddy Holly Story at Stage 773. The spot? Big and Little's on Belmont. Big and Little's is known for their fish tacos and has developed into a small chain over the last few years. They are a very popular dinner food spot in the city and they certainly do good everything.

I got the Al Pastor burger. Why?! Because you NUMBSKULLS they put FRIED pork belly up on that! Did you forget that I'm talkin' bout MAWfcklin' CHEAT DAY!? GOD. They also got American Swiss (the blondest of all the cheeses), pickled jalapeno, GRILLED PINEAPPLE, and "special sauce" (which I'm still convinced could be orange jizz). I also got me some cajun fries which are always a nice touch.

I'm gonna be honest with you here folks, this burger was easily the best item I have eaten off of the Big and Little's menu. I have been underwhelmed by them in the past. Granted, I'm not a fish or fish taco type of guy, though I AM a taco kind of guy so I think I'm just going to have to taco it up there in the future to continue to delve into what supposedly makes them so well liked on the north side.

From there I went to the Lemon Jeese keg party! It's for a good cause and I think the guys throwing it are fantastic. I ended up drinking cans of PBR and Modelo because the keg was a IPA and it was a little warm (amateurs). But it was nice, it was fun. I played a game of beer pong and shot gunned a beer with my boy Alex. Beer is great! Drinking is fun! Let's get drunk again NEXT Cheat Day.

Beer of the week

As the sun was setting and the party was coming to a close it was time to transition from Cheat Day into Cheat Night! I headed for an impromptu game night with the Giamichael's where I drank more Modelo, ate halves of leftover burritos from god only knows where!, and very quickly lost $5 in a game of 99. Want to know what it is? Come over and we'll take some of your money showing it to you!

Did I forget to mention...?

After that stop my friend Mike Sater and I grabbed more Miller High Lifes from the store and I ordered a late night end of Cheat Day Jet's pizza with jalapeno and pineapple with TURBO CRUST, DUH! Always Turbo Crust! And it seemed like it was a jalapeno and pineapple kind of day I reckon! Happy Summer!

It was a long wander of a cheat day where I bounced around all over the north side finding drinks and bad food to crush! It's a wonderful day of the week to be spending with friends and trying any thing and everything, especially when you've lost 7 pounds from the week before! This week is gonna be tough with Independence Day splitting it up, but I am hopeful! Maybe I'll amp up the working out! Send good vibes ya'll and let me know what you'd like to see me try NEXT Cheat Day! Take care of yourselves! Take care of each other. Eat like your life depended on it.

ELE,
Zach