A St. Patrick's Cheat Day

Top'O'the'Mornin' to ya CHEATERS! And welcome back to this week's edition of Cheat Day.Don't Care! This week's cheat day landed on St. Patrick's Day! That wonderful holiday that no one really knows anything about but loves to celebrate to it's fullest extent anyway. EVERYBODY'S Irish on this day and if you don't wear green your ass is getting PINCHED! There's green everything! Green Beer, Green Beads, Green Poop caused by the green beer, green tights, green asses and titties walking around everywhere, and green EGGS AND HAM (NOT ON CHEAT DAY! You can't fool me!).

Hershey

Kraft

Before I get in to what I ate I want you all to know that I lost the 5 pounds again that I had gained back from the week before. SO SUCK ON THAT BOTCHES! WOOO! Back on track! So, having seen this loss on my scale I decided to dive right the fuck in with a box of Kraft Shells Jalapeño Mac & Cheese that I picked up on clearance from the grocery store the week before. I also polished off about half a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. THAT'S how you start a damn cheat day. After HOUSING 2/3rds of a box of mac and chee and what felt like a bottomless chocolate pretzel bag I took a nap. Cause it's Saturday and it's Cheat Day and it's a damn holiday and that's what I DO! I napped with an episode of the Simpsons on to lull me to sleep, Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment, LIKE A St. Patty's Day BOSS!

Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment

Liz and I awoke just in time to hit the trains downtown to meet up with my Aunt Katie who was in town with her girlfriends to paint the town GREEN. GREEN for the IRISH! We had planned to go to the breakfast chain Yolk, but of course downtown was packed what with it being St. Patrick's Day and all, IN CHICAGO at that. To hear more about the types of debauchery to be seen in Chicago on St. Patrick's Day go listen to my podcast: Chooch Chat.

Dollop Turkey Sandwich

So we skipped waiting to get in to Yolk and went to a swanky-ish coffee shop, called Dollop, for some warm beverages to tide us over. It being Cheat Day I also ordered me a fancy Turkey Sammy that had a garlic aioli, some fancy Wisconsin sharp cheddar on some delicious wheat bread, all things I recommend on a cheat day.

We enjoyed our hot beverages and took a walk down to the river to check out how friggin' green it was, it was REAL green and also to enjoy some people watching. The parade was about end so needless to say it was a wild scene maaaaan. People of all sorts were there and several of them were VERY drunk at 12:30 in the afternoon. After we walked the river a bit we came back to where Aunt Katie was staying and we decided we HAD to have us a full meal so we went to a little, recently opened, pizza spot called Streeterville Pizzeria and Tap. It was crowded, but again, that's to be expected. Chicago has one of the most popular Drunken Irish Day celebrations in the world.

Aunt Katie and I decided FUCK IT, let's drink us some green beers. We each had two. I also went ahead and threw back a shot of Jameson, because I'm half Irish and my blood wouldn't allow me NOT to order said shot. We then ordered one small buffalo chicken pizza and one small margherita pizza to split between the three of us. The pizzeria boasted a somewhat Neapolitan style in it's pizza making. They only serve thin crust and they seem to be brick opened, or at least have that consistency. Over all the pizza was quite quality and that showed because there was no food left when we were done as I took it upon myself to down all remaining chicago-style square slices after the ladies threw in the towel. CHEAT DAY DON'T CARE how many sliced of pizza you can or cannot eat!

"But Zach, it's St. Patrick's Day and you decide to eat PIZZA?!"

YEEEESSS, MOTHER, I decide to eat PIZZA cause it's the perfect Cheat Day food, plus we had LITTLE options down there so LAY OFF!

After a delightful time with Aunt Katie Liz and I go rest up a bit before our even St. Patrick's Day event. We were already feeling cheated out when we went up to our friend Marie Weigle's St. Patrick's day food gathering. We brought Guinness and MORE chocolate covered pretzels to the party. GUINNESS, a St. Patrick's Day necessity. Marie had regular pretzels and delicious tangy onion dip as well as some cheese and crackers already set out. These sound like boring staples but it is boring staples you will miss the most throughout the week so they are MUCH appreciated.

Serving Up Love

As the main courses were being brought out the Kansas Jayhawks were winning their way into the Sweet 16. ROCK CHALK BABY. Also Rock Chalk Mate Sater's RUEBEN CALZONE! YUM-A-DUMMY-DUM. Now do NOT balk at this dish without letting me explain. This is Corned Beef and Sauer Kraut (German Cabbage, so close!) with 1,000 island dressing wrapped in pizza dough. It was dank as fuck AND a delightful marrying of Irish and Italian cuisine with a dash of German influence all up in there! Marie then brought out a delicious Mac and Cheese casserole. That's right! Mac and Cheese twice in one cheat day! And a tray of delicious potatoes (another St. Pat's necessity)!

After gorging myself on these delicious treats and doing about 5 Guinness and a PBR and 2 glasses of Jameson on the rocks Liz and I hit up another friend's house to play a little cards against humanity. They tried to give me more food but honestly I was full. So instead I knocked back a couple of High Life's and called it a cheat day! So SURE, I started the St. Patrick's Cheat Day off a little wrong, but I think I MORE than made up for it. Until next cheat day! Take care of yourselves, take care or each other, and eat like you life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Propagandhi Crushes And So Does Cheat Day!

WHADDUP YA CHEATIN' SISSY MARYS! Zach here, losing weight and takin' names! I weighed in at 257.8 pounds this Saturday morning and I'm feelin' pretty alright about it. This ain't a sprint I guess, it's more of a marathon I reckon. I will begin to try new tactics: more exercise and less of the fattier foods if the weight loss stays this slow. But you know what I'm not doing, is layin' off of CHEAT fuggin' DAY. My weigh in means that since the first weigh in I have lost 5 pounds. And I need to lose 57.8 more until I achieve my goal. And 5 pounds a month is NOT going to cut it! Anyway, that's not what ya'll are here for!

Chipotle

YOU are here to learn how to cheat day! But ya know, I've been thinking. If any of ya'll are interested in the diet I want to first give you one huge hint. If you have to eat out, which you will: go to Chipotle. I know, I know...e coli. WELL RISK IT! What you do, on non-cheat days that is, go in you get a SALAD. NOT a bowl you fat tub of horse shit! Get the SALAD, tell those fucking college kids NO RICE fuck wads! BEANS, and fuckin' LOTS OF EM. Yes throw some DElicious fajita veggies on there. "WHAT KINDA MEAT?!" DEALER'S CHOICE DIARRHEA PEDDLER! Ya know what?! Make it DOUBLE! Every fucking salsa you got. Don't even THINK about touching corn, cheese, or sour cream! But you better DUMP on that GUAC. Then throw a little extra lettuce on top, I'm losing weight over here! It's delicious and it works for slow carb. It's honestly one of the best things you can get out on the diet that I have discovered so far. Know of anything else from anywhere else?! GET AT ME!

Jack's Pizza

Now lets get to cheat day M-Fers! I woke up early-ish, around 8:30, as my lovely and talented girlfriend had to go teach. I needed to get up anyway because I had to get my ass to an audition. WHICH I NAILED, not that you care. But before I did I had to get my CHEAT ON. After my weigh in I went straight to the freezer and popped about 4 thin mints. On may way out of the freezer I grabbed a watermelon outshine bar (YES, totally not allowed on the slow carb diet! BS I KNOW). I then made an entire frozen pizza (Jack's) and ate the whole thing. Let's face it, those Jack's frozen pizzas are a single serving anyway. Now, having abstained from carbs for a while this combination did a pretty rough number on my gut. But, I have a job to do dammit. I got to my audition crushed and then afterwords I realized something...

I had left my tickets to the Propagandhi show, which was THAT night, at my god damn office, which is down-fucking-town, YUCK. But then, a giant light bulb went off in my mind on my commute to my office to retrieve the tickets. They just opened a god DAMN TACO BELL close to my office. Well, it was still breakfast time, and I don't get to Taco Bells for breakfast a lot, and it's actually pretty good. Look, it's no REGULAR TACO BELL, BUT, it's the shit as far as major chain breakfast goes. Have you HAD a breakfast crunch wrap or a breakfast quesadilla?! They are big FAT ASS TITTIES, I'll tell you that much! GO GET ONE. Going on a road trip? Get a Bfast Crunchwrap! FUCK McDs DOUBLE FUCK B. King. Hit up your local Bell.

ALL BUSINESS!

I snagged my tickets from my office and headed back home. Now, let me take a minute to acknowledge that I get home around noon. Which means between the hours of about 9AM and Noon I eat girl scout cookies, 2 Outshine Bars, an entire frozen pizza, 1 breakfast crunchwrap, 1 breakfast burrito, and 1 breakfast quesadilla. That's gluttony folks. But, HEY, that's cheat day.

So, moving forward, Liz got home from her teachings! And she was HUNGRY. SO, ya know what I said? CHAT DAY DON'T CARE! That's RIGHT! And we took our asses on down to FORK in Lincoln Square. Neither of us had been before and it was a place that we passed often when it was jam packed with people. So, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to try it.

Fork's Logo

I can't leave out the fact that she brought me haves of cookies that she got from a fancy cookie place, I forget what it was called. If you want to know leave a comment and I'll find out for you. BUT I ate them on the walk to Fork. One was s'mores flavored (delicious but I didn't quite get s'mores) and one was Mexican hot chocolate flavored (delicious AND tasted JUST like hot chocolate). YUM-A-DUM DUM!

Pretzel Bites and a small bit of cheese

Fork has a high end diner vibe. It's pretty quality. The ambiance is nice, the bar is expansive and well stocked, and the menu is quality and medium to pricey. Because I was not that hungry I ordered...pretzel bites with beer cheese...yes I know it IS what I ordered from Eris last week, but hear me out! I like to compare dishes I love! SO FUCK YOU! They were good, ALMOST as good as the Eris beer cheese, HOWEVER, the Eris beer cheese gave you an appropriate amount of cheese. The cheese that came with Fork's pretzel bites was minimal, though the pretzels were better, so...ya know!

Hangover Helper

LIZ on the other had ordered the "hangover helper" which was fancy biscuits and gray. She also made a bold move and replaced the bacon that was on it with candied pecan bacon! UGH, god it was delicious. Biscuits and gravy is always delicious. It's one of my favorite dishes, but it's hard to get biscuits in gravy in Chicago as good as you can get it in the south. Over all Fork was delicious but pricey. The location/service/atmosphere is laid back and nice.

After that I didn't need shit else for a while! Though between the time we got back from our lovely outing and our separate shows we were to go to I did have another Outshine Bar, a couple more cookies, and some chips. I met my good friend Andrew Donnelly at the G-Man Tavern next to the Metro where the Propagandhi show was to be. I hadn't been drinking, but this weekend I broke it. I went ahead and ordered myself a bourbon on the rocks as well as a beer and a shot at G-Man (possibly the best jukebox I've ever seen). All of that was very delicious to me as I hadn't had it in a while. Propagandhi fucking SLAUGHTERED! I MUST say this. If you like punk/metal/hardcore do yourself a favor and GET INTO THIS BAND. I had a few more beers at the show. Enough to go back to TACO BELL when it was all over!

Propagndhi

In a nut shell

In Wrigleyville on a Saturday night AROUND midnight. Andrew and I went on over to the Taco Bell to eat some BS and experience the culture. (If you've ever been to the Wrigleyville Taco Bell at night you'll get that joke). I got myself my favorites: Cheesy Gordita Crunch with a Doritos Locos Taco, Chicken Quesadilla, and a Crunchwrap Supreme. Andrew got some stuff too, fuck it I don't remember. We also saw a ton of drunks, the line begin to swell, people walk in and decide they could deal with it, and shitty bros as FAR AS THEY EYE COULD SEE!

I would never say this to anyone in civilized conversation and if you ask me about this in person or digitally I will deny it. BUT, on my way home from Taco Bell, I stopped at 7-Eleven and got some taquitos. I've got a problem people. Which is why Cheat Day is the way for me! Give myself a day to be a glutton and then CUT. THAT. SHIT. OFF! Cheat days going forward will hopefully not be quite as bad as this one if I want to get to 200 by August. Although, MY GOD is it awesome! And BOY is it fun! But I've got to be better. Now take care of yourselves, take care or each other, and EAT LIKE YOUR LIVES DEPEND ON  IT!

ELE,
Zach

Don't Over Extend Yourself

Sup Cheaters! Post 2 coming at you! Let's start with the business breakdown. I am embarrassed to say that I mother fucking GAINED a pound from last Saturday! I KNOW! Duh FUQ?! I honest to god stuck to the Slow Carb diet to a T! When I weighed in Saturday morning at about 8:45AM  the scale landed at 263.6. I had to check 3 times and sure enough it stopped there every time. THIS IS BULLSHIT! But, I think I know what went wrong.

Skinny Face Selfie

FIRST OF ALL I didn't take a pre-weigh in DUMP. "HUGE mistake you big dumb IDIOT!" I know I know, LAY OFF! Also, I ate a few too many peanuts the night before, delicious peanuts. I understand that weight fluctuates and that this doesn't NECESSARILY mean I'm getting fatter, in fact I know I am not. My face has already begun eating itself. However, to wake up with a sunken face and feeling all the energy of an 18 year old and to see that you GAINED a pound after forcing yourself to eat nothing but complex carbs, healthy fats, meats and vegetables all week is a serious downer.

THE PERKS of this butt fucking diet are endless, however, regardless of what some scale tells me. As I mentioned previously, the boundless energy that I have obtained having not only stripped myself of carbs but also of booze for the month is a godsend. It is honestly incredible. I feel much lighter over all, I don't just pass out or crash any old time at any old place, and I am a LOT more focused on accomplishing things. For instance, I have taken up this blog again, I have started a second podcast beside Chooch Chat called The Poopcast and we are also well on our way to producing the second season of a web-series I started with Tony Giamichael called A Bit Touched. Not only that, but on this particular cheat day I booked myself two different auditions for theatre shows which served as the bread of a Chooch sandwich this past Saturday.

Poopcast Pilot Click Here

This brings me to the title of this particular blog entry. DO NOT over extend yourself on cheat day. My non-food related schedule this cheat day was as follows: Audition 1 at 10AM, 11 AM A Bit Touched read through, 12PM Chooch Chat recording, 1:30PM A Bit Touched rewrites, and then all the way to Evanston, IL at 4:50PM for Audition #2! That's a slam packed day leaving little time to relish in Cheat Day activiy, i.e. gorging yourself on what you need, carbs, cheese, sugars, and LOTS OF THEM. Of course, I say this now, but wait til you hear what I managed to eat on cheat day regardless, cause I was DAMNED if I was going to let that one little pound keep me from cheating my DICK OFF!

Upcoming Chooch Chat Episode Click here

I woke up with enough time before the audition to eat about 6 double stuffed Oreos and a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. After that I reverse-desserted by slicing up some sharp cheddar cheese and slapping it on Triscuits. This really fucked my stomach up which, now that I am thinking about it, didn't do me any favors at audition 1, I DID botch it a little...womp womp. After audtion 1 I had to bike my ass over to our Chooch meeting as fast as I could. Luckily where we meet for the Chooch Train is stocked with deliciously cheat-a-rific foods! While there I ate a smorgasbord of old valentines heart-shaped jelly cookies, chocolate pound cake, oranges (reminder: not allowed on the slow carb diet), candied oranges, various Italian breads and cheeses, and finally rotisserie chicken sammies on hawaiian rolls with cheese and sauces! GOD DAMN! My mouth is watering, I knew I shouldn't have complained earlier in this post.

I had to RUSH out of the Chooch Meet to get to audition 2. I slipped and fell on my ass in the snow as I hopped in an Uber to get up to Evanston on time. I nailed the second audition and got myself a call back, which completely made the entire over-extended day justified. Getting a call back is the equivalent to a firm pat on that back with an "attaboy" in the acting world. I left the 2nd audition to go watch the WVU @ KU Men's College Basketball game and eat the shit out of some Sarpino's Pizza. I know I promised a Chicago restaurant review last week so I guess will be reviewing the Sarpino's pizza chain's delivery.

Sarpino's Website

Sarpino's is actually an international chain headquarted in Singapore. It's US headquarter's is in the Chicago adjacent Lincolnshire, IL. It's U.S. locales include:

Chicago metropolitan area (23 stores)
Minneapolis–Saint Paul (10 stores)
Kansas City metropolitan area (8 stores)
Greater Houston (2 stores)
Greater Austin (1 stores)
Atlanta, GA (1 store)[4]
Clive, IA (1 store)
Fort Lauderdale, FL (2 stores)
Moorhead, MN (1 store)

It's fine pizza. Probably better than Domino's and as good as Pizza Hut and Papa John's. It's nothing to write home about and it is affordable enough. It is what it is. It does the trick. Any other cliches I can throw out to let you know that it's mediocre? Bottom line is that it is carbs, cheese, grease, butter, ranch dressing, etc. Pizza is essentially the perfect cheat day food and Sarpino's did it this time. Next cheat day pizza I'll be looking for is some Jett's Pizza. Also, just a heads up I WILL be eating Taco Bell next week, so get ready for that. Alright cheaters, until next time: take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Cheat Day is BACK B!$@&ES!

WHAT UP Cheaters?! Yes, it HAS been a while, you're right. Damn near 4 fucking years as a matter of fact. It's like I packed up my diet blog and went to fat college. And I got so fat that I decided I finally needed to hop back on this diet train to trim town. What's the diet you ask?! HOLD THE FUCK ON I'M GETTING TO IT! It's the official diet from the book "The 4-Hour Body" by Timothy Ferriss. Did I read the book?! No, ASSHOLE, I don't read I'm an AMERICAN. My girlfriend broke the rules down for me and I am going to mimic what I did last time to a T until I am as skinny as this again:

Look How pretty that is! (Oomphotography)

The rules, for those fatties out there that want to try this with me:

1. No Carbs (DUH, dicks) Sun - Fri

Not Entirely Disgusting!

2. Certain Carbs (known as complex carbs) Allowed Sun - Fri:
    a. Beans
    b. Legumes
    c. Quinoa
    d. Avocado
    e. Tomato
    f. Those are about the only ones I'm willing to ingest but I am sure there are more just fucking GOOGLE IT, it's simple.
3. CHEAT DAY SATURDAY: EAT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!

The Rock URGES You To Cheat

Pretty simple right? Wrong! I bet you're thinking of asking me right now, well Zach, you're a borderline alcoholic, are you not gonna drink BEER Monday through Friday either? No, shit head, I'm not! First of all I'm taking February off from drinking entirely so it's gonna be easy. Second of all AFTER February, should I resume drinking, I will substitute beer for Vodka/Sodas and Red Wine as I progress toward my goal of becoming a 50 year + catty woman who likes the idea of a slow suicide. Another way that this is not simple is that it is hard as shit to not eat cheese, chocolate, bread, crackers, fruit, or dairy of any kind now that I think about it! Alright?! So it isn't easy for an addict like me. If it is, YOU do it with me fuckwad!

I started this blog last time as a sort of accountability measure, to make sure I followed through and to have some fun while I was at it. And I did have some fun and I got some good feedback. So, for those who read it originally, thank you! For those who are reading it now, strap in you cheatin' BASTARDS cause you're in for a bumpy ride!

Fat and Sad
(Oh Happy Day)

I suppose I should start by setting a goal right? Ya don't just get on a diet to kind of wade through hoping to just get skinnier without keeping notes or aiming at targets. SO, my weigh in this Saturday, the first official cheat day, came out to a whopping 262.4! I know, disgusting! Some of you are prolly all, "no WAY, that's MASSIVE! You don't seem THAT big." Well thanks for the backhanded compliment pricks! I know it's massive and I don't think I look THAT big either. But, ya know, I'm pretty strong now, so I think there's lots of muscle under this fat jacket. My goal is to weigh 200 LBS (a nice round number)! So I need to lose 62.4 pounds. By when? hmmmm....let's say Summer? So...August? And here's how I'm going to do it:

Cheat Day 1 (2/10/2018): To start the morning I woke up and did my first weigh in, which was highly disappointing. So to make myself feel better I reached into my bedside drawer and cracked open one of two bags of Skittles I had purchased for myself for the occasion the day before. Skittles is among my favorite non-chocolate candy. I particularly enjoy them in a movie theatre with a soda. I love the numb feeling my mouth takes after finishing a bag of skittles and a large soda like I just coated every corner with an eighth of cocaine. Next I moved to the kitchen and pulled out a block of cheese, one that I also procured for myself earlier in the week for the occasion.

Cheat Day Essentials

Ferb Will Be Playing Quite A Role From Now On

Liz, though she is not attempting to follow the diet this time around fully intends to partake in some of my Cheat Day adventures. And you know what, Cheat Day don't mind. Cheat Day don't mind at all. Cheese is one of the adventures Liz underwent with me this Cheat Day eating off the block like an adorable little mouse, sharing with Ferb the cat as well, little fat tub a shit doesn't need no cheat day, but the hell with it. It's a CELEBRATION. I then made myself a cheese-filled omelet. Once the eggs were thoroughly cheesed I polished off what was left of the block. (pats tummy delicately)

This may be a disappointing post for the "Cheat Day. Don't Care" fans out there because I did not prepare like I should have as I did not complete a full week of the Slow Card diet. I began the diet on Tuesday (2/6/18). So for the rest of the day all I ate was a bit more candy that Liz brought home for me from her audition. Peanut M&Ms, Sour Patch Watermelons, and more Skittles. Candy's delicious, especially on Cheat Day.

The rest of the day didn't have much cheating, and here's why. It was the evening of one of the most GLORIOUS events of the year, Candice Conner and Oomphotography's Chili Cook-Off! Now, what's awesome about chili is that it can be both VERY Cheat Day friendly AND very Slow Carb Diet friendly. Just think about the ingredients in chili. Chili's got beans, tomato, peppers, chili powder/spices, and meat! That's all you fucking need! Make yourself up a crock-a-chili and eat off that shit all week and you've got yourself one SHIT-tastic Slow Card week gearing up for a cheat day. Anyway, I AM sorry if this is disappointing to those of you who wanted to hear how I went buck wild at Old Country Buffet last Saturday. Instead, I went buck wild at a Chili Cook-Off.

There's a new theme every year.

I DID eat all the chilis, yes, thanks for caring. TWICE actually. So...fuck yeah! I ate several a third time and a few 4th and 5th times (See why I am above 260lbs?). I was a chili-pig to say the least. Let me break down what was cheat day about a few of these chilis. To get it out of the why: White, cream based sauces GALORE, and delicious to boot. I'm talking sour creams, greek yogurt, and a sort of cilantro tzatziki sauce, yum-a-dum dum! There was also a delicious fancy cheese and some various sorts of chips as garnishes (mostly tortilla and plantain). Finally, what chilis had cheat day all up in dere?! Well let me start with mother fucking CHOCOLATE! "Chocolate? WHAT?! That sounds weird!" It WAS weird, and delicious! SOME chilis had potatoes and corn (not THAT exciting but still cheat-tastic). One Chili was a Cincinnati style chili with not only spaghetti, but (what I am assuming would be a perfectly acceptable Slow-Carb item) TRIPE. Tripe was a first for OL'Zach, BUT I'm alive and it was actually a very delicious chili.

Winner Winner
Chili Dinner!

The winner of the evening was Chili-Cook and artist, Twist Harrison Frei with her chili called: "F$CK Beans Green Chiili." T'was a VERY delicious dish indeed. It won by a mere .01%, a VERY close race. This chili was outstanding, though it did fall into the argument of what constitutes a chili. See this felt to some like a crock-pot filled with a delicious pork-based taco or burrito filling and less like a chili. Chili is traditionally a dish that contains tomatoes, beans, chilis, and various spices and nothing more. Simply adding meat makes it something different (i.e. Texas Chili). Now it would be a BORING cook-off if all cooks stuck to such stringent rules so obviously anything goes. It's just something to think about. How far ARE we willing to stray from chili when it comes to the cook-off competition. What IS allowed? IS chili really THAT good if an outside dish can come in and wreak havoc every year? These are the questions that need answering.

ATISR (Always Throw In a Simpsons Reference)

Chili IS a great thing. Especially in the winter and especially on this diet. So, this was a very fitting event to launch myself back into this diet with. Next week I will have a Chicago restaurant to cheat-review for all you cheaters out there and HOPEFULLY some more sickening displays of gluttony. Wish me luck as I traverse this first full week of avoiding the dangerous sugars and carbs we have all grown to be addicted to. If you have any recommendations of dishes to make or restaurants to eat at during the week for the Slow Carb diet PLEASE do not hesitate to reach out to me! I'll post all about it on the next blog. If you have any recommendations for Cheat Day dishes or restaurants you BETTER fucking tell me or I'll be kicking your ass if I find out you were keeping it from me. Alright cheaters, until next time: take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!

ELE
Zach Finch

Also, please check out www.zachandtony.com for more Zach created content, including a podcast and some video.

Carry Me Back To Old Virginee!

Zach: Liz and I managed to go back to Ol'Virginee this past Cheat Day (4/5)…which of course turned into a giant Cheat Weekend as we were in VA from Thursday night to Monday night. First of all…fucking WAWA subs! If you aren't from the east coast and don't know what a WaWa is well than friggin' figure it out because they are off the hook. Do you know what a Sheetz is? Well it is like that but with more quality and less nonsense, no offense Sheetz. I got a Chicken Salad sub, toasted, with bacon, extra pepperjack cheese, lettuce, pickles, jalapenos, oregano, and grated parmesan! It was a real heart stopper. Now I KNOW most of you are probably all like, "why waste your order on a Chicken Salad sandwich?!" WELL GO TO HELL! Their chicken salad is the best chicken salad EVER! I would also recommend getting the chicken tender sandwich and do it up any style you want…buffalo, parmesan,…well that's pretty much it. I later went back to a WaWa and just got a cheddar cheese stuffed pretzel, also great, but Chicago does pretzels and they do them well. Moving ON…

The next morning Liz, My Family, and I went to Taco Bell for BREAKFAST! That is right we all went to day two of Taco Bell Breakfast. We get there at like 10:45 which is NUTS I know because most fast food joints will cut breakfast off at like 10 or 10:30. Not the Bell. They keep it running all the way until 11. Not only that but between the hours of 9am and 11am you've got your pick of the menu. That's right order a fucking waffle taco and a chili cheese burrito for the same meal if that is your fancy. OR order an AM Crunchwrap (delicious by the way) and a regular Crunchwrap. Do WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!!

AM Crunchwrap with what looks like bacon (businessinsider.com)

I had a breakfast burrito, a breakfast grilled taco, and an AM Crunchwrap with bacon.  The AM Crunchwrap wins. Get it. Try the waffle taco, its fine but the AM Crunchwrap is filled with egg, choice of sausage, steak, or bacon, and a hash-brown. They also top those suckers with the sauce that until now only came on the quesadillas. You Bell fans will know how awesome that is. We also got an order of Cinnabon-bites and those were awesome as well for you dessert lovers. Honestly, Taco Bell breakfast was not bad at all. As far as fast food breakfast goes I would say it is up there in the top two, either tied or just behind Hardee's (Carl's Jr. for you Westerners).

Bonfire

Later that day my mama made me one of my favorite concoctions she'd always make back in the day which she found on the back of a box, her world famous Taco Pie. And before you ask NO we didn't eat ONLY "Mexican" food this random Cheat Weekend that we went on! Yeesh. Anyway, to make a taco pie you get a couple of burrito sized tortillas and slap your first down on a pan. You top that tortilla with refried beans, taco meat, and things like jalapenos, salsa or whatever else extra you want in there to spice it up. You repeat this step a time or two and then on the third or fourth tortilla you put that freakin' queso dip cheese sauce and shredded cheese and you pop that bad boy in the oven for like 15 minutes. Boom, heart attack number 2!

That night there were brownies and a bonfire. All my great friends and cousins came to hang with us. It was exactly what Liz and I had been looking for. We drank a shit ton of beer and got real hammered, outdoors! Liz fell out of her chair in the middle of my yard, but she did it in the midst of insulting me so everyone around the camp fire stopped, pointed, and laughed uproariously at her.

The next morning came my mom's famous breakfast casserole. This is a delectable concoction of eggs, sausage, cheese, and some kind of breading to hold this together. Take all of that, stick it in a casserole dish and pop it in the oven. It really is outstanding.

Later that day Liz, the family, and I took off for Liz's Aunt and Uncle's Farm House near Goochland, VA. It was a beautiful house modeled after an old style farmhouse. It was as though I was eating dinner at a re-enactment. There was wine and cheese and crackers and bread. For dinner we had Mr. Chidester's homemade ravioli! It was superb and the meat sauce to cover it pared perfectly.

View From Liz's Folk's Back Porch!

My folks and I stayed with the Chidester's that evening and for Breakfast Mr. Chidester made delicious thick cut maple bacon and the scrambled eggs he made were seasoned to perfection. We also had oatmeal raisin toast. That is RIGHT MoFo's, still runnin' on Cheat Day.

After some hangin'-out, some song playin', and some walkin' my parents and I left to get back to Stafford so I could spend time with my Brother and my main man Mike Dunn. We stopped at Sheetz and I did have a spicy chicken sandwich and jalapeno poppers...sweet sweet cheat day. When I got home I wasn't too hungry so I didn't really eat anything else. This diet will do that to you.

In the final morning, Monday, we went for round two of Taco Bell breakfast and it still held up. It was a gorgeous sunny day and we got to run around outside for a while and toss the frisbee around. A day like Monday really hammered home how shitty Chicago weather is. Before Liz and I went to the airport my ma ordered us a pizza and we made jalapeno poppers and fried dill pickle chips.

Then we got to the plane where we each got two Fat Tires, for $5 each! Fly Southwest Airlines, I'm telling you. You will not regret it. We started out mini-vacation with beer AND ended it with beer. SUPER CHEAT DAY WEEKEND!

Now, I have seemed to have lost focus as to why I do this blog. It very quickly became just a retelling of all the shitty food I eat. Well I eat all this shitty food for a reason, to lose weight. But, the point is I try to limit my shitty food in-take to one day a week, CHEAT DAY. So, if anyone out there still reads this they probably want to know. What is my status and why am I still Cheat Daying.

Well after the 2013 holidays, I found it very hard to diet as everyday from everybody I'd be offered something I wasn't allowing myself to eat. Eventually I cracked and started accepting offerings so I would have to stop answering the question, "why not? what's wrong with you?"

So at the start of 2014 I ended up weighing as much as 228lbs, after weighing only 210lbs. Remember my original weight was 239lbs. Well, I weighed myself last Saturday and I was back down to 219.4lbs. My goal always has been to get to 200lbs. This year has been very discouraging. I have lost my way with this diet I believe. Perhaps I cheat too hard. But to have only lost 9 or so pounds in 3 months is not great.

I have picked up an exercise regiment and I do believe that the habit that this diet has instilled in me of eating healthier and watching portions has me in a good place. Also, this diet has been particularly frustrating for Liz. Cheat Day is great. But if it isn't working for you...change your ways. Yet another beautiful way Cheat Day is a metaphor for LIFE!

I am going to Italy next week. I will tell you how awesomely cheat-tacular the food is there. After that Liz and I are going to be reevaluating our need for Cheat Day. See you cheaters later!

St. Paddy's Day 2nd Annual Costello Beer O'Lypmics Re-Cap!!!!

Zach: How's the Madness treating ya out there ya big ol' batch ah cheaters! Aaaaaah! March! It's the best time of the year is it not? Ya got the stupidest, yet most amusing holiday in St. Patrick's Day, you got the trickling out of the SHITTY weather, and you've got my personal favorite sporting event, the college hoops March Madness Basketball tournament. My Bracket is not yet completely busted! I did pick a decent upset that no one saw coming, Dayton. But there are just too many god damn upsets now!

I love March Madness because I was raised a KU Basketball fan. It's like being a Yankee fan. They are always good. I am a Jayhawks fan because my dad grew up in Lawrence, Kansas and then went to school there. I am also a VCU Rams fan, as VCU is my alma mater. VCU has been an excellent presence in the tournament since Eric Maynor hit an ice cold 3-point shot to knock out Duke a few years back while I was going through my Senior Year. I am VERY excited about the tournament this year. But enough about that…I can talk about it for weeks to come! (hopefully I will want to) Rock Chalk Cheaters!

Last Cheat Day the lovely lady Marie Weigle hosted her 2nd Annual Costello Beer O'Lympics! I missed them last year because of an audition. There is no way in HELL I was going to miss them this year. Plus, this year the Beer O'Lympics was on CHEAT DAY EM-EFFERS! And for anyone who's ever done the slow carb diet they know that BEER is one of the hardest fucking things to give up. So this event allowed me to spend Cheat Day pounding plastic cup after plastic cup of GREEN Beer. The green Keg O'Choice at the event was Budweiser. It's all good as long as it's green on St. Paddy's Day!

I hoped right onto Marie's Green Team. Our team was the fiestiest featuring Marie, Myself, Jon Wikholm, and Mike Hamilton. In fact Judge Brian Gartland gave us an honorary award as being most spirited.

We started off rusty placing last in the first event of beer ball. I cemented the loss when I went to the ground for the ball and arose rapidly, jamming my right shoulder into the underside of the table and flipping it right over. It was a clutzy, Chris Farley-esque, moment and I was devastated and embarassed. I came to win!

We CHAMPIONED the next event, Beer Pong, making all things even. Next came flip cup. I had one of those intensely awesome come from behind flip cup moments where your opponent is frantically flipping away while you chug your whole beer, set the cup, flip it once and land it like you drained that final 3-point jumper in the last second of the game! That move got us to the flip cup finals where it was the exact same situation only reversed on us and we lost it womp womp womp.

Finally was a non-drinking game to round it all out called heads-up. I think Ellen Degeneres sponsors this game which you can get on any iPad, iPhone, or Android device. The Green Team SUCKED ASS at this game as each guesser with the iPad on their head was yelled incoherent drunken clues by the entire rest of the team. In hindsight it would've been better to let just one person give clues while just one person guessed.

We we lost, the white team won…again…even without Tony Giamichael. Either way I had a blast. The Beer O'Lympics is a great event and I hope it continues for years to come!

We Came We Saw We CLLAW-nquered

https://www.facebook.com/ChicagoCLLAW, The Aluminum Monster in Back!

Zach: Good day cheaters! I am here to tell the tale of a strange STRANGE Cheat Day last Saturday. Liz signed up to compete in CLLAW XVIII, that is Chicago's League of Lady Arm Wrestling Eighteen for the lay-pers, and we had a lot to accomplish that day as far as gathering various materials for the event. Things like props, costume pieces, and friends for our entourage we needed to accrue. Liz's arm wrestling character? "The Aluminum Monster" from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." I went as Mac from the show who was also Liz's manager and head of security that night. We got friends Nick Bacon, Mike Fletcher, and Mike Sater to fill out the rest of the gang from the diabolically humorous show. But I digress, my point is we had a lot to do.

We were awoken that morning to blaring music and the sound of the apartment below her's being demolished at 8:30am. We were both very tired. Soon her apartment started filling with demo dust from the walls and ceiling of this 100-110 year old building and something had to be done. Liz ran downstairs to inform the men at work that there were in fact still people living in the apartment above them and that their handy work was causing it to fill with, potentially hazardous, dust. They immediately stopped and were apologetic. They were very nice and admitted that they were not even aware anyone was living there. Some fucking landlord, amirite?

Liz's landlord arrived about an hour later and immediately jumped on the defensive. "What dust?" he asked. Without getting overly angered Liz and I pointed…UH FUCKING EVERYWHERE! The landlord saw an imprint of my ass on a black leather chair where I sat moments before and was sold..FINALLY. Later he made mention that he could feel it in his mouth. Yeah, no SHIT. He said the demolition would cease until they fixed the ancient ventilation system still in operation in the building from the turn of last century. There was dust because of demolition, there was a hazardous amount of dust because the heating system connected the two apartments essentially.

Masks were purchased for us by the kind crewman

He also claimed there would be a cleaning crew arriving with "equipment" to get rid of the mess. About half an hour later just ONE of the very nice gentleman from the demolition crew came through the door with his hood up, ash on his face, and one comically oversized sponge in his hand and said with a sad apologetic inflection, "My boss told me I have to clean your apartment." Liz, Jacob, and I drew enough energy to let out a single laugh each and all of us got to work.

Liz and the crewman took to cleaning the apartment. Jacob and I took off for the hardware store to get extra cleaning supplies and prop items for CLLAW. We then stopped to get a dozen donuts at Dunkin Donuts (CHEAT DAY!). While the three of them cleaned and rearranged the apartment I went off to complete the errands for CLLAW.

I met back up with them at their apartment and the place looked great but dust continued to settle and probably will for a while to come still. Liz's roommate Justin ordered us a couple of pizzas from Chicago's on Montrose around the corner from their house. It was good. He also got us beer, STIEGL! and booze as a thank you for taking care of shit that day. (CHEAT DAY M-EFFERS).

So now the demolition has stopped in the apartment below Liz's but renovation has begun IN her apartment. Her landlord refuses to give them notice as to when men will be roaming in and out of their apartment or any sort of schedule or plan for the building whatsoever. They took off the interior door leading to the staircase which leads directly into the outdoors making the apartment intensely cold and near impossible to heat.

I know this is a blog about food and eating and then NOT eating…but this edition has turned into this rant. Does anyone know if there is anything Liz and her roommates can do to say. NO, you can't come in here without notice. Or SURE, come in and renovate while we live here but everyday you do it is a day off of rent? The building was sold in the middle of their lease and I suppose their lease is basically grandfathered into the deed of the building or something like that? Any advice would be helpful to Liz and her roommates!

So later CLLAW XVIII went off without a hitch and ended up being the most successful CLLAW they have had yet, some 700 people showed up. People got a kick out of The Aluminum Monster and the gang. We drank more beer and had a non-Cheat Day red wine…but it was in a CAN! Cheat Day forever EM-EFFERS!

GO TO CLLAW!

Oh yeah, one more thing ya lousy cheater...

Taco Bell Breakfast is happening!

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An Epic Chili-Cookoff at Oomphotography

myfrugalfitness.com

Zach: SO! This past Cheat Day was A BLAST! The lovely Liz and I spent the day in the grocery store buying chili making supplies, then Liz MADE chili while I made pretzel bun cold cut sandwiches (which were dope). THEN the chili was entered into one of the most fun events I have been to in a while, Candice Conner's (of Oomphotography) 6th Annual Chili Cookoff!

My SEXY ass: Photo by: oomphotography.com

The Lovely Liz: oomphotography.com

                      The Conners opened up their home to 11 Chili Cooks and somewhere around 50 guests! Needless to reiterate, but I am not a fast learner, it was EPIC and delicious! And I know what you're thinking…"but Zach can't you eat Chili on NON Cheat Days?" YES, most chili's. But you may be forgetting all the cheese, sour cream, corn bread, "Italys" (Whatever those are..LOGAN), sweet potato muffins! AND BEER! Yes, of course there was beer, and I drank all the beer (like Homer, "but I need IT!"). I drank so much beer that I forgot I signed up for a beer drinking competition…that will happen St. Patty's Day weekend. So look forward to that.

Liz's chili fuckin' ROCKED. She was also the one to make corn bread…fucking AWESOME corn bread. But first the chili. Liz's chili was called, and the title will say it all, Chidester's Champion Chicken and Chorizo Chili with Chive and Cheddar Cheese. WHAT?! Your a little hard aren't you? It's okay…you can admit it, we're all friends here! You ladies have a little lady chub going too don't you?..I KNOW! That chili sounds awesome and it WAS awesome and it didn't even WIN this competition, so you can imagine how good some of the other chilies had to be.

Liz's corn bread was paired with her chili perfectly. Instead of milk she used beer in the corn bread, and she chopped up bacon and jalapenos to bake into the center of the corn bread as well. She topped the whole bunt with shredded cheddar. I could have eaten the whole loaf of bread by itself as a meal!

THE VICTOR Jacquelyn Prater: oomphotography.com

I don't know the ins and outs about the other chilies so I won't be able to go into what ingredients went into each, BUT, The winner was a chili titled Savory Sioux by Jackie Prater, and I will say that it was delicious. It was also paired perfectly with a side dish: sweet potato biscuits and honey butter. It was indeed savory, and then sweet, and then zesty! It was all in all a terrific chili and was basically the buzz of the event.

2nd Place: Mike Sater: oomphotography.com

3rd Place (1): Logan Conner: oomphotography.com

Second place went to my friend Mike Sater, I forget the title but he paired his with this avocado relish thing and some sort of cheese spread and it was delicious, unique and delicious. At 3rd place there was a tie. Logan Conner, the gentleman of the house, and a lovely woman named Dom each came in at 3rd. Logan's Chili was probably my 2nd favorite, after Liz's (I have a soft spot for chorizo…and Liz). I was told several times by contestant Brad Brubaker that it, "tasted like Slim Jims…in a good way." And I LOVE Slim Jims. Twas a beefy chili, Logan's. Beefy and spicy and I loved every minute of it. I even went back for seconds, even after I was stuffed so full of beans, meat, onion, corn, bread, cheese, sour cream, and of course…beer.

3rd Place (a): Dom: oomphotography.com

It was a fabulous night all around. I was so full I thought I was gonna die! Congrats to each contestant, specifically the winner Jackie. Congrats to all 50 judges (attendees) for being smart enough to attend such an event. But, most of all, congrats to Candice Conner for organizing it. A great time was had by all. I am already looking forward to next year's cookoff. I'd be honored to be the happy helper once more. I would hate to have to use the OTHER immortal words of Homer Simpson, "We're missing the cook-off, it's going on right now and we're missing it…"

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