Cheat Week? DO Care.

Alright ya cheatin' ass maw tuggin' butt lickin' dong SNIFFERS! I'm SORRY! Alright. I came out and said it. RIGHT OFF THE BAT TOO! Okay? None of that tired/half-assed Louis CK type apology, NAH. NO SIR. I. AM. SORRY. Alright?! Sorry to you for letting you down. I am stuck up at my original weight! For those of you who don't know it's about 263 lbs....And I wanted to be a 200 by August, WELL NOT AT THIS RATE! And I am sorry to you, my faithful reader for that. I'm also sorry to myself. Sorry Zach, hey, it's okay Zach. You're trying! You're conscious of your situation at least. You are working toward a better, healthier life and this is a commendable step...yeah-well-THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH OTHER ZACH! Ehem... Here's what happened...

Loyola Taco Bell Interior

Last day-after-cheat-day the Kansas Jayhawks played the Duke Blue Devils in the Elite 8 for a spot in the Final 4 and the Jayhawks totally won! It was an awesome game too, close the whole way through. During the game I got a little drunk of Vodka Tonics. BOOM, already a bad sign. Last week I TOLD YOU I wouldn't be drinking on Non-Cheat Days and here I am, knocking back Vodka-Sodas like some middle aged woman and a BAD cheater! Anyway the intoxication of the victory mixed with the intoxication of the vodka set in motion some bad decision making on my part. I had decided that it would be a good idea to go to Taco Bell to celebrate....I KNOW. STUPID!...wanna know what I ate?
I KNEW YOU DID! You friggin' VOYEURS! I ate a Crunchwrap Supreme, A Chicken Quesadilla, a Cheesy Gordita Crunch WITH a Doritos Locos Taco, AND a Beef Quesarito OR, as I call it, the usual. Next, I let myself get talked into a "bang-bang". For those of you who don't know I'll explain. A "bang-bang" is where fat people, or people with a cheat day, will go to one restaurant sit and eat a meal and then immediately go to another restaurant and eat a whole OTHER meal. Fuckin' A right? America! Good thing I had all those vodka sodas rather than beer otherwise I'd be 360 lbs amirite? I know, I know, I'm wrong...STUPID!

"The Usual"

"Zach! Shut up and tell us where the 2nd half of this bang-bang took place!"

Raising Cane's

FINE, FUCK! I went up the street from the Loyola Campus Taco Bell to the Loyola Campus Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers. This was actually a serious treat, even on non-cheat day, as I had never been before. Cane's Chicken Fingers are truly top notch, especially for a chain. The fingers were HOT, the breading was plentiful AND crispy. The meat? Succulent and juicy. I'd go back, again and again. It was reminiscent of Lee's Fried Chicken in Richmond, VA, if anyone of you has ever had that before.

Giordano's Thin Crust

Anyway, this bang-bang was just the beginning of a BAD week. After a couple of solid days of slow-carb I hosted a meeting at my work during which my company provides free pizza and beer. I'm not going to lie, it was also a rough week at work and I cracked immediately on the beer. That, in turn, led me to crack on the pizza. I ate off of the left over Giordano's thin crust pizza for the rest of the week. Which leads me to this past Cheat Day.

Still Site

TURBO CRUST

I DID NOT pull a normal Cheat Day. Instead, I didn't eat anything all day until that TERRIBLE TERRIBLE Final Four, during which I pounded a few Steigl Gold Brau and Miller High Life's. Then we got some GOD DAMN Jet's Pizza! This is hands down the best chain pizza going right now. If you don't know the ways of Jet's Pizza and their Turbo Crust you've got to get yourself initiated. Jet's is a Detroit-Style Pizza Chain that boasts several different buttery/crispy pizza dough flavors, the most epic of which is TURBO CRUST! It's flavor and texture is unbeatable. It is soft and chewy and cheesy and delicious. Do yourself a FLAVOR and get yourself some GOD DAMN JET'S!

Braciole

Finally there was Easter Sunday. I was to be going to Easter Dinner at the Giamichael's. There would be no way I would make it out of there without devouring some mad carbs and so I allowed myself one more day before hopping back onto the Slow Carb horse. While there I drank a bunch of beers, DUH. I brought a Taco Bell Party Pack to contribute to the party and ate 2 and a half soft tacos myself. I ate cheese and crackers, fruit, delicious home-made pasta and scalloped potatoes. And then there were the meats! I had homemade meatballs, braciola, Italian sausage, and of course the Easter Sunday favorite: HAM! Finally, desserts. Now, I can't remember what I even ate. I think there was some lemon cake, some chocolate pie, and some GAUL DERN Italian cookies. My sides hurt all over again and I am struggling to breathe.

After all that I was done! I decided 100% that I absolutely had to re-set if I wanted to keep going on the Cheat Day Train. So as I write this I am two days in to clean eating and drinking. No alcohol during the week, again no carbs outside of complex carbs and yes mostly protein and veggies. It ain't easy, as I have already shown just two months into this diet, but I am also going to hop back on my bike and get some more cardio and hopefully get on a better exercise regimen to really kick this fucking thing into high gear! Thank you Liz, Alex, Nick and Brian for the inspiration to get this diet back on track! For more please visit www.zachandtony.com. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your like depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

A St. Patrick's Cheat Day

Top'O'the'Mornin' to ya CHEATERS! And welcome back to this week's edition of Cheat Day.Don't Care! This week's cheat day landed on St. Patrick's Day! That wonderful holiday that no one really knows anything about but loves to celebrate to it's fullest extent anyway. EVERYBODY'S Irish on this day and if you don't wear green your ass is getting PINCHED! There's green everything! Green Beer, Green Beads, Green Poop caused by the green beer, green tights, green asses and titties walking around everywhere, and green EGGS AND HAM (NOT ON CHEAT DAY! You can't fool me!).

Hershey

Kraft

Before I get in to what I ate I want you all to know that I lost the 5 pounds again that I had gained back from the week before. SO SUCK ON THAT BOTCHES! WOOO! Back on track! So, having seen this loss on my scale I decided to dive right the fuck in with a box of Kraft Shells Jalapeño Mac & Cheese that I picked up on clearance from the grocery store the week before. I also polished off about half a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. THAT'S how you start a damn cheat day. After HOUSING 2/3rds of a box of mac and chee and what felt like a bottomless chocolate pretzel bag I took a nap. Cause it's Saturday and it's Cheat Day and it's a damn holiday and that's what I DO! I napped with an episode of the Simpsons on to lull me to sleep, Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment, LIKE A St. Patty's Day BOSS!

Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment

Liz and I awoke just in time to hit the trains downtown to meet up with my Aunt Katie who was in town with her girlfriends to paint the town GREEN. GREEN for the IRISH! We had planned to go to the breakfast chain Yolk, but of course downtown was packed what with it being St. Patrick's Day and all, IN CHICAGO at that. To hear more about the types of debauchery to be seen in Chicago on St. Patrick's Day go listen to my podcast: Chooch Chat.

Dollop Turkey Sandwich

So we skipped waiting to get in to Yolk and went to a swanky-ish coffee shop, called Dollop, for some warm beverages to tide us over. It being Cheat Day I also ordered me a fancy Turkey Sammy that had a garlic aioli, some fancy Wisconsin sharp cheddar on some delicious wheat bread, all things I recommend on a cheat day.

We enjoyed our hot beverages and took a walk down to the river to check out how friggin' green it was, it was REAL green and also to enjoy some people watching. The parade was about end so needless to say it was a wild scene maaaaan. People of all sorts were there and several of them were VERY drunk at 12:30 in the afternoon. After we walked the river a bit we came back to where Aunt Katie was staying and we decided we HAD to have us a full meal so we went to a little, recently opened, pizza spot called Streeterville Pizzeria and Tap. It was crowded, but again, that's to be expected. Chicago has one of the most popular Drunken Irish Day celebrations in the world.

Aunt Katie and I decided FUCK IT, let's drink us some green beers. We each had two. I also went ahead and threw back a shot of Jameson, because I'm half Irish and my blood wouldn't allow me NOT to order said shot. We then ordered one small buffalo chicken pizza and one small margherita pizza to split between the three of us. The pizzeria boasted a somewhat Neapolitan style in it's pizza making. They only serve thin crust and they seem to be brick opened, or at least have that consistency. Over all the pizza was quite quality and that showed because there was no food left when we were done as I took it upon myself to down all remaining chicago-style square slices after the ladies threw in the towel. CHEAT DAY DON'T CARE how many sliced of pizza you can or cannot eat!

"But Zach, it's St. Patrick's Day and you decide to eat PIZZA?!"

YEEEESSS, MOTHER, I decide to eat PIZZA cause it's the perfect Cheat Day food, plus we had LITTLE options down there so LAY OFF!

After a delightful time with Aunt Katie Liz and I go rest up a bit before our even St. Patrick's Day event. We were already feeling cheated out when we went up to our friend Marie Weigle's St. Patrick's day food gathering. We brought Guinness and MORE chocolate covered pretzels to the party. GUINNESS, a St. Patrick's Day necessity. Marie had regular pretzels and delicious tangy onion dip as well as some cheese and crackers already set out. These sound like boring staples but it is boring staples you will miss the most throughout the week so they are MUCH appreciated.

Serving Up Love

As the main courses were being brought out the Kansas Jayhawks were winning their way into the Sweet 16. ROCK CHALK BABY. Also Rock Chalk Mate Sater's RUEBEN CALZONE! YUM-A-DUMMY-DUM. Now do NOT balk at this dish without letting me explain. This is Corned Beef and Sauer Kraut (German Cabbage, so close!) with 1,000 island dressing wrapped in pizza dough. It was dank as fuck AND a delightful marrying of Irish and Italian cuisine with a dash of German influence all up in there! Marie then brought out a delicious Mac and Cheese casserole. That's right! Mac and Cheese twice in one cheat day! And a tray of delicious potatoes (another St. Pat's necessity)!

After gorging myself on these delicious treats and doing about 5 Guinness and a PBR and 2 glasses of Jameson on the rocks Liz and I hit up another friend's house to play a little cards against humanity. They tried to give me more food but honestly I was full. So instead I knocked back a couple of High Life's and called it a cheat day! So SURE, I started the St. Patrick's Cheat Day off a little wrong, but I think I MORE than made up for it. Until next cheat day! Take care of yourselves, take care or each other, and eat like you life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Cheat Day is Epic Again!

From the movie "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"

Cheat day was fat TITTIES this past Saturday cheaters! Now let me tell you 'bout it!

I did the right thing and quite literally had NOTHING to do all day on Saturday. I woke up late (like 10AM these adult ass days), weighed myself real quick and I lost weight! So it's ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! I weighed in at 260.6, which means I lost 3.2 pounds from last week and 2 whole pounds since week one.

www.gsoh.org

Having seen this I went straight for the freezer where Liz was stashing some of them girl scout cookies everyone's been talkin'bout. She bought three boxes for us to crush/share for cheat day. They are always a treat, but here's a hot take for you. Girl Scout cookies are the cookie equivalent to the McRib. They are great and all, but they would sell like shit if they were available all year round, just sayin'. We ate a sleeve out of a full box of Thin Mints and what was left of her Samoas as well as what was left of the new S'mores cookies she purchased earlier in the week. PRO TIP! Microwave them S'mores cookies for a few seconds and them shits get straight POPPIN'!

The cookies did a number on our Slow Carb tum-tums so we lounged about for a while before heading to make our Super Market run for the week. Here's another hot take for you. IF you cheat day people, IF YOU FUCKING CHEAT DAY, it is HIGHLY recommended you go and do your grocery run ON cheat day. Not only will you take care of your weekly groceries, but you will get to pick WHATEVER you want to eat that day. I picked out a donut (chocolate glaze with sprinkles) as well as some nacho fixings so I could make a plate to eat during the Kansas Jayhawks v Texas Tech Red Raiders. CHEAT DAY BONUS: Kansas beat Texas Tech securing their 14th straight conference title, a new NCAA record.

www.kansascity.com

frinkiac.com

After the game I took a very short nap and then Liz and I went to meet our friends Rob and Erin at the new Chicago Cider Mill & Brewery call Eris. This will be my local Chicago review for the day. I believe Eris opened at the beginning of this month and it claims the descriptor "Chicago's first cider house." Now if you are a Cheat Day Don't Care FAN, you know I ain't drinking and you know Cider ain't my drink even if I was, this means our pals Erin and Rob selected this as a destination. Turns out it was a great selection regardless of whether or not you're drinking because the food was delicious. If you are interested in how the cider was, I will give the recommendations of Erin and Rob.

Beer Cheddar Dip

To start we ordered a Savory Popcorn from their bar snacks section and a single order of Beer Cheddar Dip which came with 3 pretzel rods. The Savory Popcorn is not executed as well as it sounds on the menu. However, if I was pounding back ciders I am sure it would be just the right thing to be shoving down my fat face between gulps. What WAS executed perfectly and possibly beyond was that Beer Cheddar Dip. It quite possibly could have been the best cheese sauce/pretzel rod combo I have ever tasted. It was too good, too good and too small a portion for 4 guests. Here's a tip to any restaurant. Give 4 god damn rods. I know, I get it, you want to sell another order and it worked hook line and sinker on our dumb asses! BUT, just give us 4 god damn rods, it's not costing ya'll that much more! ASSHOLES!

Hodag

For our main course Liz and I split The Hodag off of the Hand Held Delights section of the menu. "SPLIT?! You skinny lil'bitch!" Well, look you A-holes, not only were Liz and I stuffed already from earlier, but I was dead set on hitting up one more place on this cheat day (more on this later). The Hodag was basically a gourmet Chicago Dog. It was a bacon-wrapped smoked Polish sausage, grilled french roll, carmelized onions, brown mustard, house pickled vegetables, and cilantro. It came with VERY good fries on the side. Not a bad price either at $13 as it had OBVIOUSLY fresh ingredients.

Rob got The Burger, also off the Hand Held Delights section of the menu. And he tells us, he says, that the burger was DELICIOUS! I believe him. It looks and sounds delicious. The burger comes with Sharp Cheddar (my favy fave), bacon jam, and is on a brioche bun. It was simple and delightful and again fresh ingredients! Erin got herself something off the First Bites list for her entree, the Crispy Duck Tacos, which came as 3 tacos. AGAIN, give 4 you assholes! If we had been sharing them we would have been pissed! The Crispy Duck Tacos included duck leg confit, white corn tortilla, Asian cabbage, vegetable concise, and wasabi creme. She enjoyed those as well.

The Crispy Duck Tacos

The Burger

Over all the food was delicious and fairly priced we thought for how fresh the ingredients were and how inventive, yet simple, the dishes were. Aside from the 1 hour wait!! (Holy hell) the service was top notch as well. As for the cider, Erin got three small pours and I will attempt to remember which she got and which she liked best now. Erin got 5oz pours of Chai Dar (Cider and tea, Unfiltered and fancy), Van Van Mojo (Blueberry cider dry-hopped with Mosaic. Just what the doctor ordered), and Pedestrian (Modern dry cider blended for everyone. Trip, fresh, and pleasantly tart like a glass of Granny Smith). That was easier to remember than I thought. She ranked them:

1. Pedestrian: "Who doesn't like a granny smith"

Ciders

In a close 2nd. Van Van Mojo "The Blueberry is VERY nice and sweet"
And in a DISTANT 3rd. Chai Dar "Bland, the chai tea doesn't cut it for me"

Now, I promised you a bonus section, and if you are affected by my vast social media presence you'll already know what it is...Maw'Fuggin' TACO BELL. For dessert Rob, Erin, Liz and I stopped at Taco Bell on our way home where I got and ate a chicken quesadilla, a crunch wrap supreme, and what I believe is the single best item in all of fast food the cheesy gordita crunch with a doritos locos taco instead of a plain hardshell! Always good! Always cheat-tastic!

@finchzj on Instagram

@finchzj on Instagram

BOOM! DID IT! THAT is how you cheat day! YES I was hurting, NO I do not have regrets! Now lets think of how I'm gonna top that next Cheat Day! Until next time: take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!






ELE,
Zach Finch

Liz enjoying the Hodag