Cheese Day. Don't Care.

Yum a Dummy Do Cheaters! It is I Zach FARTILIUS Finch! Talkin' once again about CHEAT fuggin' DAY. I am back to sub-260 and I NEVER want to go above that ever the FUCK again! So gimme a "holla atcha boy" in the comments if you agree! OR DON'T Fuck it, what do I care. Ya'll are just here to live vicariously through a gluten and I love you for that!

I did it guys! I had a great week of Slow Carbs and I lost some poundage. I also did a lot of biking and walking on top of that. I intend on increasing my work out routine further and I will let you know how that goes next week. But I biked my DICK OFF let me tell you. And for those of you who bike, you know the exact feeling I'm talking about. And for those of you without dicks or don't bike or both I will describe it to you. Sometimes you bike SO MUCH that the narrow and HARD seat you are sitting on is CRAMMED deep into your taint and makes your junk fall asleep. Ya know, has your foot ever fallen asleep from you sitting on it? It's like that, but in your dick!

"WHERE DID YOU EAT YOU NASTY FREAK?!"

Ah jeez, my dick bit made you hungry eh? Well, I'll get right to it. I didn't make too strong of a plan for this Cheat Day as my lovely lady Liz was not to be joining me. So, we woke up and ate a rather usual breakfast: Eggs and Bacon, only this time we added CHEESE to everything. I also ate left over chips from an impromptu game night which I topped with, YOU GUESSED IT, CHEESE! Dem GOT DAMNED Henning's Wisconsin Cheese Curds at that. GOT DAMN that's good cheese.

Chooch Chat Episode 84

I then went to record an episode of my podcast, Chooch Chat, with Tony Giamichael of the Rock and Roll outfit Man Called Noon. On the way to his place I picked up an 8 pack of Guinness pints. I left only two in the Mom's Studio fridge when all was said and done. Beer is a truly yearn-able beverage on this slow carb diet. For a guy like me to limit himself to one day of beer per week is quite a feat. So I LEANED into it. I had 6 pints of Guinness, 2 Ayingers, and 2 Busch Lights while at Mom's Studios. I know, the quality really drops off there, but HEY that's 8 pretty heavy beers, all while I was at Mom's Studio doing the podcast and I was still standing and ready for more! I also ate MORE cheese there, a delicious assortment of Trader Joe's fancy cheeses. I guess we'll call this one CHEESE Day. Don't Care...

After that Tony and I went to Nick's on Wilson where our friend, Nick Taylor, was working. Nick's on Wilson is JUST a bar, no food. I'd call it a dive bar, but Tony thinks it's too nice...stupid idiot! I knew before I was gonna drink anymore I needed SOMEthing to eat. So we went into the adjacent 7-Eleven where I got a small Italian sub and 4 taquitos. FLAVORS?! 2 Jalapeno and Cream Cheese and 2 Taco and Cheese. The 7-Eleven taquito is one of my all time favorite guilty pleasure foods. I'll gladly waste some Cheat Day gut space on those bad boys.

Once in Nick's I enjoyed 3 more beers, 3 Floyd's Alpha King on tap. Delicious. Nick also made Tony and I a special shot which he called a rainbow water slide. VERY fruity. I'm pretty sure Nick just used all of the Stoli flavored vodkas for it. It was nearing the end of my Cheat Day when I left Nick's bar and I wasn't entirely satisfied with my choices. But then, I met back up with Liz and She. Changed. Everything.

Neither of us wanted to do much with our Saturday evening so we made our way to our local bodega for some snacks to nosh on while watching a movie. My choice was nachos and a burrito from a local Mexican joint, FUCK bodega snacks, those are for suckers. And as we approached the bodega we saw a bright shiny idea bulb in the form of the new local corner bar to our neighborhood: Wolcott Tap!

We went in and I CONTINUED to drink beer! I ordered 2 Half-Acre Daisycutters and a Hamms. The Hamms was only $3 on tap, not too shabby a price. While there we also made the bold decision to ORDER FUCKING FOOD. I did it! I hit up a new local spot! A Cheat Day NECESSITY, so I am glad this turn of events took place. They had a good bar menu! And, though a bit pricey, delicious food. I ordered a Cheesesteak with Fries and Liz ordered the Cubano. Their Cheesesteak and Cubanos were a bit different but delicious none the less. See they hollow out these strange delicious rolls that are nice and crispy and buttery, yum a dum dum, and then they stuff those rolls with delicious fillings, the likes of which you'd find on a cheesesteak or in a cubano. I was nervous the sandwiches would fall apart easily, but quite the contrary! They held together exquisitely. The fries, though not my usual preference were quite good and unique. I give it a solid point and pump. It's going to be great because it is super close too!

To cap it all off I got some Cherry Coke (the king of sodas) at that bodega afterwards and made some whiskey-cokes. I woke up this morning with a horrible stomach ache. I guess cheat day was a huge success. Don't forget everyone: Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depended on it.

ELE
Zach

A St. Patrick's Cheat Day

Top'O'the'Mornin' to ya CHEATERS! And welcome back to this week's edition of Cheat Day.Don't Care! This week's cheat day landed on St. Patrick's Day! That wonderful holiday that no one really knows anything about but loves to celebrate to it's fullest extent anyway. EVERYBODY'S Irish on this day and if you don't wear green your ass is getting PINCHED! There's green everything! Green Beer, Green Beads, Green Poop caused by the green beer, green tights, green asses and titties walking around everywhere, and green EGGS AND HAM (NOT ON CHEAT DAY! You can't fool me!).

Hershey

Kraft

Before I get in to what I ate I want you all to know that I lost the 5 pounds again that I had gained back from the week before. SO SUCK ON THAT BOTCHES! WOOO! Back on track! So, having seen this loss on my scale I decided to dive right the fuck in with a box of Kraft Shells Jalapeño Mac & Cheese that I picked up on clearance from the grocery store the week before. I also polished off about half a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. THAT'S how you start a damn cheat day. After HOUSING 2/3rds of a box of mac and chee and what felt like a bottomless chocolate pretzel bag I took a nap. Cause it's Saturday and it's Cheat Day and it's a damn holiday and that's what I DO! I napped with an episode of the Simpsons on to lull me to sleep, Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment, LIKE A St. Patty's Day BOSS!

Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment

Liz and I awoke just in time to hit the trains downtown to meet up with my Aunt Katie who was in town with her girlfriends to paint the town GREEN. GREEN for the IRISH! We had planned to go to the breakfast chain Yolk, but of course downtown was packed what with it being St. Patrick's Day and all, IN CHICAGO at that. To hear more about the types of debauchery to be seen in Chicago on St. Patrick's Day go listen to my podcast: Chooch Chat.

Dollop Turkey Sandwich

So we skipped waiting to get in to Yolk and went to a swanky-ish coffee shop, called Dollop, for some warm beverages to tide us over. It being Cheat Day I also ordered me a fancy Turkey Sammy that had a garlic aioli, some fancy Wisconsin sharp cheddar on some delicious wheat bread, all things I recommend on a cheat day.

We enjoyed our hot beverages and took a walk down to the river to check out how friggin' green it was, it was REAL green and also to enjoy some people watching. The parade was about end so needless to say it was a wild scene maaaaan. People of all sorts were there and several of them were VERY drunk at 12:30 in the afternoon. After we walked the river a bit we came back to where Aunt Katie was staying and we decided we HAD to have us a full meal so we went to a little, recently opened, pizza spot called Streeterville Pizzeria and Tap. It was crowded, but again, that's to be expected. Chicago has one of the most popular Drunken Irish Day celebrations in the world.

Aunt Katie and I decided FUCK IT, let's drink us some green beers. We each had two. I also went ahead and threw back a shot of Jameson, because I'm half Irish and my blood wouldn't allow me NOT to order said shot. We then ordered one small buffalo chicken pizza and one small margherita pizza to split between the three of us. The pizzeria boasted a somewhat Neapolitan style in it's pizza making. They only serve thin crust and they seem to be brick opened, or at least have that consistency. Over all the pizza was quite quality and that showed because there was no food left when we were done as I took it upon myself to down all remaining chicago-style square slices after the ladies threw in the towel. CHEAT DAY DON'T CARE how many sliced of pizza you can or cannot eat!

"But Zach, it's St. Patrick's Day and you decide to eat PIZZA?!"

YEEEESSS, MOTHER, I decide to eat PIZZA cause it's the perfect Cheat Day food, plus we had LITTLE options down there so LAY OFF!

After a delightful time with Aunt Katie Liz and I go rest up a bit before our even St. Patrick's Day event. We were already feeling cheated out when we went up to our friend Marie Weigle's St. Patrick's day food gathering. We brought Guinness and MORE chocolate covered pretzels to the party. GUINNESS, a St. Patrick's Day necessity. Marie had regular pretzels and delicious tangy onion dip as well as some cheese and crackers already set out. These sound like boring staples but it is boring staples you will miss the most throughout the week so they are MUCH appreciated.

Serving Up Love

As the main courses were being brought out the Kansas Jayhawks were winning their way into the Sweet 16. ROCK CHALK BABY. Also Rock Chalk Mate Sater's RUEBEN CALZONE! YUM-A-DUMMY-DUM. Now do NOT balk at this dish without letting me explain. This is Corned Beef and Sauer Kraut (German Cabbage, so close!) with 1,000 island dressing wrapped in pizza dough. It was dank as fuck AND a delightful marrying of Irish and Italian cuisine with a dash of German influence all up in there! Marie then brought out a delicious Mac and Cheese casserole. That's right! Mac and Cheese twice in one cheat day! And a tray of delicious potatoes (another St. Pat's necessity)!

After gorging myself on these delicious treats and doing about 5 Guinness and a PBR and 2 glasses of Jameson on the rocks Liz and I hit up another friend's house to play a little cards against humanity. They tried to give me more food but honestly I was full. So instead I knocked back a couple of High Life's and called it a cheat day! So SURE, I started the St. Patrick's Cheat Day off a little wrong, but I think I MORE than made up for it. Until next cheat day! Take care of yourselves, take care or each other, and eat like you life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Green Paint Clean Taint! CHEAT DAY!

What Up! You Chooch-tastic Cheaters! Welcome to the Cheat Day Blog! I ruined it guys! I cheated when it wasn't Cheat Day and I paid the fucking price. I weighed in at right where I started, 262.4. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?! I'm COMING CLEAN! I blame the alcohol. THAT'S RIGHT! There were a couple of instances where I drank booze.

Pinnacle Vodka

Now, although vodka has no sugars or carbs it also has no nutritional VALUE either...I KNOW it sucks GOD DAMMIT! It's not so much that it negatively affects my weight it is more that it affects my energy and decision making. Being sober for 2 and a half weeks in February gave me SO MUCH extra energy and made it so I got a lot more done physically and dutifully.

Also, two of the nights I was knockin' em back I went and drank some beer! Now THAT'S a huge god damn No-No on this diet. Basically any carbs or sugars during the week throws off the whole god damn Cheat Day. And when you cheat as HARD and as FAT as I did last cheat day that makes you gain all your friggin' weight back! DICKS! THIS SUCKS! Especially when you are trying so GOD DAMN hard otherwise. So this week I ain't drinking AT.ALL. so SUCK ON THAT! Next Cheat Day being St. Patrick's Day, I think this make a whole FAT TIT of sense!

"Hey Zach, stop crying and tell us what you ate this cheat day! We're all dying to know!" HEY! TAKE IT EASY! WE'RE THERE!

Alright, I was down after that weigh in but I did NOT let that stop me. I woke up, and what did I do?!

"ate Taco Be-"

USA Today

THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT, ATE TACO BELL! HAHAHA NO, I didn't GO to Taco Bell, so chill. The night before Cheat Day Liz, friend Time Brickey, and I went to Taco Bello (Taco Bell in Italian) and I didn't eat a FUCKING THING, so THERE! (See what kind of effort I'm putting in here!). Liz got an order of naked chicken chips with nacho cheese and some sort of tangy ranch. She couldn't finish them all so I saved them, woke up and polished them bad boys off! The only other thing I had in the house that was cheat day worthy was an Outshine Bar. ATE IT and I headed off to my local-joint of the week.

Spoken Cafe

Now, I've been to Spoken several times. It's a local, and way better than Starbucks, coffee spot right off the Montrose Brown Line stop. So I knew I was going to get quality. When I know I am going to write about a place it makes me really over analyze it. In this case it effected Spoke negatively, so take all the negatives with a grain of salt. And here they are, its slow and expensive. It's slow because it's busy and it's expensive because it is quality.

Cheat Day morning it was packed and service was a little slow, but I got a coffee and a FUCKING DONUT (fine for a donut) to enjoy while I waited for my TWO breakfast sandwiches. The staff let some orders lap me and in made me a little sour so I took into account the amount of money a bagel sandwich costs ($8 not including tax), and it got me a little angry. NO I didn't complain and make the cafe employee's lives a little more sad, THAT would be mean! Instead I snagged my bagel-wiches and headed home. BUT, they cost so much cause the ingredients are CHOICE!

Sandwich 1: All Day Breakfast Sandwich: Egg, Bacon, Cheddar on a buttered Everything Bagel. So simple, so delicious and the ingredients are fresh and quality.

All Day Bfast Sandy

Sandwich 2: Senora Huerta: Ham, Provolone, Red Onion, Red Pepper Pesto, Pickled Banana Peppers on a Pizza Bialy! YUM-UH-DUMDUM

Over-All Spoken is a quality cafe with quality coffee and excellent food items. I give it 4 out of 5 "point-and-pumps"!

After shoving those big meaty bad boys down my fat face I had a podcast to do. That's right, CHOOCH CHAT! Check it out at the link! I had a great chat with Anthony Giamichael, Michael Hamilton, and Yousof Sultani! During the whole thing I was swigging on some Maker's Mark, a delectable bourbon!

Makerr's Mark

dominoes.com

brandeating.com

When I returned home, to help my lady love paint the apartment, she had Domino's waiting for me! Domino's is cheap but it's pizza. Our favorite, thanks to Tyler Walker, is pineapple and jalapeno. She also got an order of bacon and jalapeno cheesy garlic bread. I FUCKING LOVE DAT SHIT!

Henning's Cheese Curds

Tostitos

Before I started painting I ran to Mariano's to pick up some Tostitos scoops with which I scooped up some buffalo flavored chicken salad. I also stuffed those scoops with Hening's Wisconsin Cajun Cheese Curds. I know, I KNOW my east coast audience: "cheese CURD?! That sounds disgusting!" It's NOT. It's fucking delicious. I ate some of them raw and the rest I stuffed them into dem scoops and made little curd nachos. FUCKING delicious! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED Finally, I got an 8 pack of Guinness, so I would hopefully avoid booze this week, and I finished about 5 of them bad boys. After all that I straight up PASSED OUT. What do you think? Not quite as bad a Cheat Day right? I mean! 0 trips to Taco Bell as opposed to TWO different trips?! Not too bad at all! ONWARD AND UPWARD! 200 LBS HERE I COME!

Buffalo Chix Salad

Guiness

              

And remember, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it.



ELE,
Zach Finch