Ay Caramba McRib No Me Gusta

Effin H Cheaters. Even when Cheat Day ain’t much fun it’s the BEST day of the week. You know what I ended up having to do this Cheat Day? DO ya?! Well?! I had to WORK! Like what the HECK?!

It wasn’t terrible though cause there was Halloween Candy and store bought cookies. I ate em all up until I had me a lil’tummy ache. On my way to work?! Taco Bell Breakfast, that’s right! This time I did myself a favor and just ordered three items, rather than FIVE. Breakfast Crunchwrap, OBVIOUSLY, a so-so breakfast burrito and a Cheesy Bean and Rice burrito - my current staple. It really set me in the right mood for a working Cheat Day.

Like a true working stiff I chugged a Bud Light after I got back to home base before meeting a few folks at a Richmond Brewery, Final Gravity. It’s a staple brewery as well which normally serves a VARIETY of pretty darn good beers. 

Once sufficiently Cheat Day buzzed, the fastest gun and I went on a mission to find this week’s point and pump. It was a BEAUTIFUL day so we were in search for a patio. We set our hopes on the roof of the Quirk Hotel in Downtown VCU. We waltzed into joint like the two smartest boys in the world and asked the concierge to head up to the rooftop. Ya know what she says?!

“Sorry, it’s closed, we were told it’s too chilly up there.”

“TOO CHILLY?! Have you been outside?! In the sun it’s practically perfect!” I yell at her before remembering she’s just at work and she doesn’t know it’s Cheat Day. After quickly calming down The fastest gun and I decide to grab a quick cocktail at the bar. 

Quirks Old Fashioned is a tasty take on the classic and the fastest gun’s rosé and gin spritzer drink is the perfect fit for the beautiful sunny day. Why not get one more in before winter sets in, right?

With the sun setting and still now point and pump in my gut we find our go to, MEXICAN FOOD. There’s a place we’ve never been down town, called Ay Caramba. It’s got good ratings and it’s a Bart Simpson catch phrase so let’s see what they got. 

There’s a Quincinera taking up the whole restaurant. Does this deter us?! HELL NO! I push a little kid to the ground on my march up to the counter. The timid employee asks that I go have a seat in the adult section over at the bar. So that's what I do. 

I house a house margarita in about two gulps and sling the empty glass behind me knocking a kid smack in the head rendering her unconscious. The bartender is quaking like it's the old west and I order up a cerveza rapidamenté. 

Pretty soon our dishes arrive. They screw up the fastest gun's but they don't charge him for it. Classy. Mine? Get's the GOT DANG point and pump of the week. A Chicken Chimichanga fight be the cheatinest thing on a VERY Cheat friendly menu and it DOES NOT disappoint. It's deep fried shell is flaky and crisp. It's INARDS are soft and zesty. I could eat another one RIGHT NOW!

Finally satisfied and tired from the work day/work week I had to head home. But wait?! What was for dessert?! I had to snag myself a FAT Banana from Nightingales on the way. PLUS to complete an ongoing poll and discussion in my poker group’s text thread I had to stop and grab…

That’s right, a Mc-Fuggin-Rib. Now, I’m not a McRib fan. In fact, before this Cheat Day I could probably count on one finger the amount of McRibs I’ve had. But the shear volume and madness surrounding it’s re-DONK-ulous marketing campaigns roped me back in. And, YES, I include the praise vs. vitriol word of mouth in-fighting as a PART of their marketing scheme. It is not unlike the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich word of mouth craze of 2019. 

So, I eat the piece of gym mat, covered in sauce and slapped between a split stale roll, and if you take a good look at my picture I think you can see and tell I’m not having a great time. As a real good buddy of mine put it: “it’s middle school lunch.”

To wash the gnarly taste out of my mouth I helped myself to about 3 house pours of Buffalo Trace and 6 Miller Lites. Finally, the cherry on top. The thing that really cleanses the palate. A nice FAT banana down the old pie hole!

Although quite busy for much of the day, that’s what I call a success! Not to mention my weigh in looks good! CHECK IT!

NIPS - 46.125 (A small BUSTY increase of .375 inches)

BELLY - 42.875 (A DECREASE of .375 inches, KEEP IT COMING.)

HIPS - 42.25 (A decrease of .25 inches) 

So, I’ve got a trip this week. So my usual weekly good behavior might be a little bit lacking. It’s looking like my next Cheat Day will just be another Cheat Meal, so…DEAL WITH IT! I’ll keep trying though. Keep plugging along. 

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,

Zach

Propagandhi Crushes And So Does Cheat Day!

WHADDUP YA CHEATIN' SISSY MARYS! Zach here, losing weight and takin' names! I weighed in at 257.8 pounds this Saturday morning and I'm feelin' pretty alright about it. This ain't a sprint I guess, it's more of a marathon I reckon. I will begin to try new tactics: more exercise and less of the fattier foods if the weight loss stays this slow. But you know what I'm not doing, is layin' off of CHEAT fuggin' DAY. My weigh in means that since the first weigh in I have lost 5 pounds. And I need to lose 57.8 more until I achieve my goal. And 5 pounds a month is NOT going to cut it! Anyway, that's not what ya'll are here for!

Chipotle

YOU are here to learn how to cheat day! But ya know, I've been thinking. If any of ya'll are interested in the diet I want to first give you one huge hint. If you have to eat out, which you will: go to Chipotle. I know, I know...e coli. WELL RISK IT! What you do, on non-cheat days that is, go in you get a SALAD. NOT a bowl you fat tub of horse shit! Get the SALAD, tell those fucking college kids NO RICE fuck wads! BEANS, and fuckin' LOTS OF EM. Yes throw some DElicious fajita veggies on there. "WHAT KINDA MEAT?!" DEALER'S CHOICE DIARRHEA PEDDLER! Ya know what?! Make it DOUBLE! Every fucking salsa you got. Don't even THINK about touching corn, cheese, or sour cream! But you better DUMP on that GUAC. Then throw a little extra lettuce on top, I'm losing weight over here! It's delicious and it works for slow carb. It's honestly one of the best things you can get out on the diet that I have discovered so far. Know of anything else from anywhere else?! GET AT ME!

Jack's Pizza

Now lets get to cheat day M-Fers! I woke up early-ish, around 8:30, as my lovely and talented girlfriend had to go teach. I needed to get up anyway because I had to get my ass to an audition. WHICH I NAILED, not that you care. But before I did I had to get my CHEAT ON. After my weigh in I went straight to the freezer and popped about 4 thin mints. On may way out of the freezer I grabbed a watermelon outshine bar (YES, totally not allowed on the slow carb diet! BS I KNOW). I then made an entire frozen pizza (Jack's) and ate the whole thing. Let's face it, those Jack's frozen pizzas are a single serving anyway. Now, having abstained from carbs for a while this combination did a pretty rough number on my gut. But, I have a job to do dammit. I got to my audition crushed and then afterwords I realized something...

I had left my tickets to the Propagandhi show, which was THAT night, at my god damn office, which is down-fucking-town, YUCK. But then, a giant light bulb went off in my mind on my commute to my office to retrieve the tickets. They just opened a god DAMN TACO BELL close to my office. Well, it was still breakfast time, and I don't get to Taco Bells for breakfast a lot, and it's actually pretty good. Look, it's no REGULAR TACO BELL, BUT, it's the shit as far as major chain breakfast goes. Have you HAD a breakfast crunch wrap or a breakfast quesadilla?! They are big FAT ASS TITTIES, I'll tell you that much! GO GET ONE. Going on a road trip? Get a Bfast Crunchwrap! FUCK McDs DOUBLE FUCK B. King. Hit up your local Bell.

ALL BUSINESS!

I snagged my tickets from my office and headed back home. Now, let me take a minute to acknowledge that I get home around noon. Which means between the hours of about 9AM and Noon I eat girl scout cookies, 2 Outshine Bars, an entire frozen pizza, 1 breakfast crunchwrap, 1 breakfast burrito, and 1 breakfast quesadilla. That's gluttony folks. But, HEY, that's cheat day.

So, moving forward, Liz got home from her teachings! And she was HUNGRY. SO, ya know what I said? CHAT DAY DON'T CARE! That's RIGHT! And we took our asses on down to FORK in Lincoln Square. Neither of us had been before and it was a place that we passed often when it was jam packed with people. So, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to try it.

Fork's Logo

I can't leave out the fact that she brought me haves of cookies that she got from a fancy cookie place, I forget what it was called. If you want to know leave a comment and I'll find out for you. BUT I ate them on the walk to Fork. One was s'mores flavored (delicious but I didn't quite get s'mores) and one was Mexican hot chocolate flavored (delicious AND tasted JUST like hot chocolate). YUM-A-DUM DUM!

Pretzel Bites and a small bit of cheese

Fork has a high end diner vibe. It's pretty quality. The ambiance is nice, the bar is expansive and well stocked, and the menu is quality and medium to pricey. Because I was not that hungry I ordered...pretzel bites with beer cheese...yes I know it IS what I ordered from Eris last week, but hear me out! I like to compare dishes I love! SO FUCK YOU! They were good, ALMOST as good as the Eris beer cheese, HOWEVER, the Eris beer cheese gave you an appropriate amount of cheese. The cheese that came with Fork's pretzel bites was minimal, though the pretzels were better, so...ya know!

Hangover Helper

LIZ on the other had ordered the "hangover helper" which was fancy biscuits and gray. She also made a bold move and replaced the bacon that was on it with candied pecan bacon! UGH, god it was delicious. Biscuits and gravy is always delicious. It's one of my favorite dishes, but it's hard to get biscuits in gravy in Chicago as good as you can get it in the south. Over all Fork was delicious but pricey. The location/service/atmosphere is laid back and nice.

After that I didn't need shit else for a while! Though between the time we got back from our lovely outing and our separate shows we were to go to I did have another Outshine Bar, a couple more cookies, and some chips. I met my good friend Andrew Donnelly at the G-Man Tavern next to the Metro where the Propagandhi show was to be. I hadn't been drinking, but this weekend I broke it. I went ahead and ordered myself a bourbon on the rocks as well as a beer and a shot at G-Man (possibly the best jukebox I've ever seen). All of that was very delicious to me as I hadn't had it in a while. Propagandhi fucking SLAUGHTERED! I MUST say this. If you like punk/metal/hardcore do yourself a favor and GET INTO THIS BAND. I had a few more beers at the show. Enough to go back to TACO BELL when it was all over!

Propagndhi

In a nut shell

In Wrigleyville on a Saturday night AROUND midnight. Andrew and I went on over to the Taco Bell to eat some BS and experience the culture. (If you've ever been to the Wrigleyville Taco Bell at night you'll get that joke). I got myself my favorites: Cheesy Gordita Crunch with a Doritos Locos Taco, Chicken Quesadilla, and a Crunchwrap Supreme. Andrew got some stuff too, fuck it I don't remember. We also saw a ton of drunks, the line begin to swell, people walk in and decide they could deal with it, and shitty bros as FAR AS THEY EYE COULD SEE!

I would never say this to anyone in civilized conversation and if you ask me about this in person or digitally I will deny it. BUT, on my way home from Taco Bell, I stopped at 7-Eleven and got some taquitos. I've got a problem people. Which is why Cheat Day is the way for me! Give myself a day to be a glutton and then CUT. THAT. SHIT. OFF! Cheat days going forward will hopefully not be quite as bad as this one if I want to get to 200 by August. Although, MY GOD is it awesome! And BOY is it fun! But I've got to be better. Now take care of yourselves, take care or each other, and EAT LIKE YOUR LIVES DEPEND ON  IT!

ELE,
Zach

Carry Me Back To Old Virginee!

Zach: Liz and I managed to go back to Ol'Virginee this past Cheat Day (4/5)…which of course turned into a giant Cheat Weekend as we were in VA from Thursday night to Monday night. First of all…fucking WAWA subs! If you aren't from the east coast and don't know what a WaWa is well than friggin' figure it out because they are off the hook. Do you know what a Sheetz is? Well it is like that but with more quality and less nonsense, no offense Sheetz. I got a Chicken Salad sub, toasted, with bacon, extra pepperjack cheese, lettuce, pickles, jalapenos, oregano, and grated parmesan! It was a real heart stopper. Now I KNOW most of you are probably all like, "why waste your order on a Chicken Salad sandwich?!" WELL GO TO HELL! Their chicken salad is the best chicken salad EVER! I would also recommend getting the chicken tender sandwich and do it up any style you want…buffalo, parmesan,…well that's pretty much it. I later went back to a WaWa and just got a cheddar cheese stuffed pretzel, also great, but Chicago does pretzels and they do them well. Moving ON…

The next morning Liz, My Family, and I went to Taco Bell for BREAKFAST! That is right we all went to day two of Taco Bell Breakfast. We get there at like 10:45 which is NUTS I know because most fast food joints will cut breakfast off at like 10 or 10:30. Not the Bell. They keep it running all the way until 11. Not only that but between the hours of 9am and 11am you've got your pick of the menu. That's right order a fucking waffle taco and a chili cheese burrito for the same meal if that is your fancy. OR order an AM Crunchwrap (delicious by the way) and a regular Crunchwrap. Do WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!!

AM Crunchwrap with what looks like bacon (businessinsider.com)

I had a breakfast burrito, a breakfast grilled taco, and an AM Crunchwrap with bacon.  The AM Crunchwrap wins. Get it. Try the waffle taco, its fine but the AM Crunchwrap is filled with egg, choice of sausage, steak, or bacon, and a hash-brown. They also top those suckers with the sauce that until now only came on the quesadillas. You Bell fans will know how awesome that is. We also got an order of Cinnabon-bites and those were awesome as well for you dessert lovers. Honestly, Taco Bell breakfast was not bad at all. As far as fast food breakfast goes I would say it is up there in the top two, either tied or just behind Hardee's (Carl's Jr. for you Westerners).

Bonfire

Later that day my mama made me one of my favorite concoctions she'd always make back in the day which she found on the back of a box, her world famous Taco Pie. And before you ask NO we didn't eat ONLY "Mexican" food this random Cheat Weekend that we went on! Yeesh. Anyway, to make a taco pie you get a couple of burrito sized tortillas and slap your first down on a pan. You top that tortilla with refried beans, taco meat, and things like jalapenos, salsa or whatever else extra you want in there to spice it up. You repeat this step a time or two and then on the third or fourth tortilla you put that freakin' queso dip cheese sauce and shredded cheese and you pop that bad boy in the oven for like 15 minutes. Boom, heart attack number 2!

That night there were brownies and a bonfire. All my great friends and cousins came to hang with us. It was exactly what Liz and I had been looking for. We drank a shit ton of beer and got real hammered, outdoors! Liz fell out of her chair in the middle of my yard, but she did it in the midst of insulting me so everyone around the camp fire stopped, pointed, and laughed uproariously at her.

The next morning came my mom's famous breakfast casserole. This is a delectable concoction of eggs, sausage, cheese, and some kind of breading to hold this together. Take all of that, stick it in a casserole dish and pop it in the oven. It really is outstanding.

Later that day Liz, the family, and I took off for Liz's Aunt and Uncle's Farm House near Goochland, VA. It was a beautiful house modeled after an old style farmhouse. It was as though I was eating dinner at a re-enactment. There was wine and cheese and crackers and bread. For dinner we had Mr. Chidester's homemade ravioli! It was superb and the meat sauce to cover it pared perfectly.

View From Liz's Folk's Back Porch!

My folks and I stayed with the Chidester's that evening and for Breakfast Mr. Chidester made delicious thick cut maple bacon and the scrambled eggs he made were seasoned to perfection. We also had oatmeal raisin toast. That is RIGHT MoFo's, still runnin' on Cheat Day.

After some hangin'-out, some song playin', and some walkin' my parents and I left to get back to Stafford so I could spend time with my Brother and my main man Mike Dunn. We stopped at Sheetz and I did have a spicy chicken sandwich and jalapeno poppers...sweet sweet cheat day. When I got home I wasn't too hungry so I didn't really eat anything else. This diet will do that to you.

In the final morning, Monday, we went for round two of Taco Bell breakfast and it still held up. It was a gorgeous sunny day and we got to run around outside for a while and toss the frisbee around. A day like Monday really hammered home how shitty Chicago weather is. Before Liz and I went to the airport my ma ordered us a pizza and we made jalapeno poppers and fried dill pickle chips.

Then we got to the plane where we each got two Fat Tires, for $5 each! Fly Southwest Airlines, I'm telling you. You will not regret it. We started out mini-vacation with beer AND ended it with beer. SUPER CHEAT DAY WEEKEND!

Now, I have seemed to have lost focus as to why I do this blog. It very quickly became just a retelling of all the shitty food I eat. Well I eat all this shitty food for a reason, to lose weight. But, the point is I try to limit my shitty food in-take to one day a week, CHEAT DAY. So, if anyone out there still reads this they probably want to know. What is my status and why am I still Cheat Daying.

Well after the 2013 holidays, I found it very hard to diet as everyday from everybody I'd be offered something I wasn't allowing myself to eat. Eventually I cracked and started accepting offerings so I would have to stop answering the question, "why not? what's wrong with you?"

So at the start of 2014 I ended up weighing as much as 228lbs, after weighing only 210lbs. Remember my original weight was 239lbs. Well, I weighed myself last Saturday and I was back down to 219.4lbs. My goal always has been to get to 200lbs. This year has been very discouraging. I have lost my way with this diet I believe. Perhaps I cheat too hard. But to have only lost 9 or so pounds in 3 months is not great.

I have picked up an exercise regiment and I do believe that the habit that this diet has instilled in me of eating healthier and watching portions has me in a good place. Also, this diet has been particularly frustrating for Liz. Cheat Day is great. But if it isn't working for you...change your ways. Yet another beautiful way Cheat Day is a metaphor for LIFE!

I am going to Italy next week. I will tell you how awesomely cheat-tacular the food is there. After that Liz and I are going to be reevaluating our need for Cheat Day. See you cheaters later!