We Came We Saw We CLLAW-nquered

https://www.facebook.com/ChicagoCLLAW, The Aluminum Monster in Back!

Zach: Good day cheaters! I am here to tell the tale of a strange STRANGE Cheat Day last Saturday. Liz signed up to compete in CLLAW XVIII, that is Chicago's League of Lady Arm Wrestling Eighteen for the lay-pers, and we had a lot to accomplish that day as far as gathering various materials for the event. Things like props, costume pieces, and friends for our entourage we needed to accrue. Liz's arm wrestling character? "The Aluminum Monster" from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." I went as Mac from the show who was also Liz's manager and head of security that night. We got friends Nick Bacon, Mike Fletcher, and Mike Sater to fill out the rest of the gang from the diabolically humorous show. But I digress, my point is we had a lot to do.

We were awoken that morning to blaring music and the sound of the apartment below her's being demolished at 8:30am. We were both very tired. Soon her apartment started filling with demo dust from the walls and ceiling of this 100-110 year old building and something had to be done. Liz ran downstairs to inform the men at work that there were in fact still people living in the apartment above them and that their handy work was causing it to fill with, potentially hazardous, dust. They immediately stopped and were apologetic. They were very nice and admitted that they were not even aware anyone was living there. Some fucking landlord, amirite?

Liz's landlord arrived about an hour later and immediately jumped on the defensive. "What dust?" he asked. Without getting overly angered Liz and I pointed…UH FUCKING EVERYWHERE! The landlord saw an imprint of my ass on a black leather chair where I sat moments before and was sold..FINALLY. Later he made mention that he could feel it in his mouth. Yeah, no SHIT. He said the demolition would cease until they fixed the ancient ventilation system still in operation in the building from the turn of last century. There was dust because of demolition, there was a hazardous amount of dust because the heating system connected the two apartments essentially.

Masks were purchased for us by the kind crewman

He also claimed there would be a cleaning crew arriving with "equipment" to get rid of the mess. About half an hour later just ONE of the very nice gentleman from the demolition crew came through the door with his hood up, ash on his face, and one comically oversized sponge in his hand and said with a sad apologetic inflection, "My boss told me I have to clean your apartment." Liz, Jacob, and I drew enough energy to let out a single laugh each and all of us got to work.

Liz and the crewman took to cleaning the apartment. Jacob and I took off for the hardware store to get extra cleaning supplies and prop items for CLLAW. We then stopped to get a dozen donuts at Dunkin Donuts (CHEAT DAY!). While the three of them cleaned and rearranged the apartment I went off to complete the errands for CLLAW.

I met back up with them at their apartment and the place looked great but dust continued to settle and probably will for a while to come still. Liz's roommate Justin ordered us a couple of pizzas from Chicago's on Montrose around the corner from their house. It was good. He also got us beer, STIEGL! and booze as a thank you for taking care of shit that day. (CHEAT DAY M-EFFERS).

So now the demolition has stopped in the apartment below Liz's but renovation has begun IN her apartment. Her landlord refuses to give them notice as to when men will be roaming in and out of their apartment or any sort of schedule or plan for the building whatsoever. They took off the interior door leading to the staircase which leads directly into the outdoors making the apartment intensely cold and near impossible to heat.

I know this is a blog about food and eating and then NOT eating…but this edition has turned into this rant. Does anyone know if there is anything Liz and her roommates can do to say. NO, you can't come in here without notice. Or SURE, come in and renovate while we live here but everyday you do it is a day off of rent? The building was sold in the middle of their lease and I suppose their lease is basically grandfathered into the deed of the building or something like that? Any advice would be helpful to Liz and her roommates!

So later CLLAW XVIII went off without a hitch and ended up being the most successful CLLAW they have had yet, some 700 people showed up. People got a kick out of The Aluminum Monster and the gang. We drank more beer and had a non-Cheat Day red wine…but it was in a CAN! Cheat Day forever EM-EFFERS!

GO TO CLLAW!

CHILI CHEESE BURRITO IS BACK!

Zach: Good not CheatDay, Cheaters! I hope you are all getting a long just fine on this non-cheat day as I am. So, it seems as though I was lazy last week and I have two awesome Chicago CheatDays to cover. But first! IN OTHER NEWS!:

How bout that shitty Super Bowl huh? It reminded me of the Super bores from the days of yores!

Also, poor poor P.S.H. He seemed like a man who lived every day like it were CheatDay. Fantastic actor and I am certain that I will look at some movie parts, excluding the void he'll leave in that WAY too popular Hunger Games series, and think to myself, "Boy Phillip Seymour Hoffman would have KILLED that part." RIP you talented M-Fer.

Now on to the cheating! Two Saturdays ago, long before this horrible Super Bowl or the giant empty characterish slot P.S.H. left in the acting world , the lovely Liz and I went to Spacca Napoli Pizzeria for a lovely CheatDay luncheon. Spacca Napoli is a Naples, ITL style pizza joint. Now, if you didn't know (which I did NOT before last Saturday) Naples style pizza is thin crust and small, almost personal style. Ladies or small men you may want to share a single pizza unless you've got a big me sized man with you to pick up the slack.

chicago.seariouseats.com

Because it was god damned CheatDay we EACH got a pizza and we split them down the middle. We ordered the Diavola topped with Buffalo mozzarella, spicy salami, red pepper flakes, and basil. I highly recommend this Diavola if you go in. It was tangy but not too tangy and saucy and just so damned flavorful. I would use more adjectives like on the food network but just try it alright! c'mahn whaddya want from me! It was good that's all you need to know.

We also ordered the Prosciutto e Rucola. This was a decent olive oil sauced pizza that was made glorious by the thin savory, melt-in-your mouth cuts of prosciutto that is was topped with. It also had arugula on it…A LOT of arugula on it. I happen to like arugula, but if you don't, don't order this one. We each had a couple Peroni to…ya know…fit in I guess? Peroni, I think may be the only beer that tastes better to me in a bottle as opposed to on tap. (fun fact)

spaccanapolipizzeria.com

All in all Spacca Napoli was a great time. It was a bit pricey but it is perfect for a date or if you have a family it would be a bit more affordable. Just share your, perhaps a bit to big for one person, pizza with your little children and tell them to SHUT THEIR UGLY FACES while you're at it. OH, and go see Inside Llewyn Davis, great movie great soundtrack.

Three days ago the Kansas Jayhawks got dicks kicked in Austin, Texas by the Longhorns and I got Taco Bell. NEWSFLASH T-B FANS! The Chili-Cheese Burrito is back! I repeat! THE CHILI-CHEESE BURRITO IS BACK! If you are reading this, get off your ass NOW and go get one so they stick around this time…for FUCK sake. I have a long drawn out history with the chili-cheese burrito, affectionately known as the chilito to midwesterners.

The chilito was my favorite food in the world as a little fat kid. "Where do you want to go for your birthday dinner?" my mom would ask year in and year out from the age of 10 until about age 18. "Taco Bell!" fat little Zach would exclaim while he stuffed another homemade nacho into his dumb mouth. Then suddenly the chilito was gone from the local Taco Bell menu where I grew up in Stafford, VA. I was outraged! I drafted a letter demanding them to bring the chilito back to the Virginia Taco Bell. I never sent it...

Then, later that year, my friends went off to Virginia Tech. Much to my surprise, and delight, the Blacksburg, VA Taco Bell menu you featured my old friend, the CHILITO! Even though it wasn't something I could have all the time, as Blackburg, VA is approximately a 4 hour drive from ANYWHERE on the fucking PLANET, it was still a welcomed moderate dose of what is certainly Taco Bell's grade D meat about to spoil so they used for another purpose, the CHILITO!

IN ALL IT'S SIMPLE GLORY (Pintrest.com)

Finally, before my friends graduated from Virginia Tech it was stricken from that Taco Bell menu as well. I was devastated. It seemed as though I'd never get another chilito as long as I lived. But wait! Once more! On a visit to the midwest, specifically Indiana, even MORE specifically Indianapolis, my uncle Dan informed me that the "chilito" was NEVER taken off of the midwestern Taco Bell menus and that we could go and get one RIGHT NOW if we wanted too, which we did. (Side note, the fact that it was never taken from the midwestern menu is a bit telling idn't?!)

Jump ahead a couple years. I move to Chicago. I visit my Indianan relatives. I DEMAND they take me to a Taco Bell to find a Chilito…it's nowhere to be found, gone from their menus as well…once again I am of the thought that I will never see the cherished chilito again…until 2 weeks ago…when a good friend from high school and a Virginia Tech alum texted me and informed me that the Chili Cheese was back. I told him I would go in and make sure they were in the Chicago locations myself and report back to him. Sure enough…he was right!



I know they are back in New York and Chicago, now it is up to you to tell me America..and WORLD! Is the Chili-cheese burrito back in action in your home town. Go to Taco Bell, your next cheat day to find out why the Chilito was and IS my favorite food of all time. And then be sure to ask yourself…why was this ever taken off of the menu to start with?!