Budlong Budstrong

Greetings from Cheat Town you Cheatin' SOBs! I'm BACK in Chicago! This fat sack of shit gained weight over the course of the last two Cheat "Days" because I was cheating for multiple god damn days each god damn week. I weighed back in at 250 lbs and YOU KNOW how I HATE that number. I never want to be that again GOD DAMMIT! SO, I'm back at it hard and strong THIS week.

"Hey IDIOT! Does that mean you didn't cheat very hard this weekend? Cause if SO I'm gonna stop reading RIGHT NOW!"

CRAM IT WITH WALNUTS UGLY! I Cheated just fine! Although I was back in Chi-town this Cheat Day was quite unique as I woke up on Tony Giamichael's (of Man Called Noon fame!) couch hung THE FUCK over. I awoke around 10:30AM in a daze, unsure of where I was. A dog named Danny jumped on me and tried to force me to pet him. I shook him off and slowly pried myself away from the couch. Moments later I was staring into the refrigerator using the door to help prop me up.

There wasn't much in there that was Cheat Day worthy except watermelon, but that shit hit the spot I tell you what! It definitely helped curb my initial hangover symptoms. I polished off about 5 or 6 chunks of watermelon before I had to head to my improv class at The Annoyance Theatre.

I decided to walk the 30 minutes to The Annoyance to clear my head and think of a quick place to stop and get some serious cheat food. My hungover brain struggled to remember what was between me and the theatre. But then about 15 minutes in it hit me like an alien erupting from my gut...the Wrigleyville Taco Bell was between me and the theatre. The only question I had next was: would I make it in time for breakfast?

NO. I. WOULDN'T! FUCK, oh well. You know I'm still down for Taco Bell of any kind at any time. GIMME DAT. I got a cheesy gordita crunch with a Dorito taco, cause it's that BEST alright?! How many fuggin' times do I have to say it! I also got me a cheesy bean and rice burrito and a 5 layer burrito cause I'm trying to pinch pennies MAWfckler! Then off I went to class, STILL hungover, but happy full!

Carr Valley Cheese

After class I went home and ate some delicious cheese that Liz and I brought back from Wisconsin. It was cheddar...cheddar's better. I love cheese.

Then the same Tony from before came over with a bunch of Coronas and we drank some of those before heading off to this week's JOINT OF THE WEEK: The Budlong in Lincoln Square! The Budlong is a Nashville style fried chicken joint. You know, those southern themed places that seem to be popping up all over the place?

"Yeah dingus, we KNOW, how was THIS one?!"

hey HEY! It was great! Maybe the best one. The location in Lincoln Square is chill. Tony pointed out that it has an old fashioned wooden door with a knob, it's not a sterile glass push door like most business have these days. It feels homie, like a local country spot you kind of stumble in to on a road trip through the sticks. The service was exquisite. The staff was friendly and helpful and our food was ready PRONTO.

We each ordered the tenders. You get three giant ass chicken tenders seasoned in a level of hotness to your discretion. The scale goes from "naked" (sexy) to X-Hot (SEXIER). I didn't want to ruin the rest of Cheat Day with some sort of spice related stomach issue so I stuck with the Hot. Tony and I agreed that if you ENJOY spicy but aren't necessarily the bravest of spice fans that hot is the way to go. It's not knock you on your ass hot but it will get you sweating a little bit. I felt the pressure behind my eyeballs for instance, but my mouth was never fully on fire.

The tenders also comes with a piece of Texas toast. Here's a pro-tip for you: If you are considering getting a sandwich...don't. It's more expensive and you can just wrap one of your tenders in a BIG ASSED piece of Texas toast and making allowing you to turn one tender into a taco shaped sandwich.

Liz and Al (of Liz and the Lovelies fame) were playing the Blue Jean Gala for Old Town School of Folk Music in Lincoln Square as well. They were posted up outside of a Sushi joint, called Miku Sushi, which was offering up a buffet of sushi for the event. DID I PARTAKE you say?! What THE FUCK do you think?! It's CHEAT DAY idn't it?! I had three or four pieces of sushi, a few fried spring roll type things, some beef and chicken skewers with some DELICIOUS sauce, and a Sapporo beer.

The rest of the Cheat Day consisted of drinking heavily cause good Ol'James Manno threw a small party to make some of his friends feel better. So, naturally there were a lot of drinks. I drank 6 High Life tallboys, 2 or 3 PBRs, and 3 shots of Jack...and to be honest probably even more than that...but after so many you start to get a little fuzzy on what it was you drank.

I got to hang out with an old friend I haven't seen in a while so it seemed fitting. To her it was like stepping back into college because so many of us knew each other from those days and it sounds like where she lives she doesn't get to see that many people from back in the day. It was fun...and necessary.

So, if some of you were disappointed by how much I drank last week I hope that this makes up for it. Because, what ended up happening is I crashed on James MANNO'S couch Saturday night. That's right...2 couch crashes as the bread on a Cheat Day sandwich. Needless to say I need a rest. There was a lot of taking care of each other this weekend, which is SO good. I love to see it and I am happy to help when I can for almost all of you! But let's not forget...take care of yourselves. YES take care of each other. And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach

Wisconsin Cheese - Ice Cream - Fudge OH MY!

Hey hey hey Cheaters! C'mon DOWN to CHEAT TOWN, aka Wisconsin! THAT is where I went THIS weekend. That's right TWO weekend getaways in two weeks and to some of the FATTEST places in this the FATTEST country on Earth! I haven't bothered weighing myself in for the past two weeks on account of these excursions because I can feel, IN MY FLAB, that I not only haven't lost weight but I have gained some back.

I would like my readership to know that the days between the getaways I stuck to the diet just so my body doesn't get completely used to pure crap. So cut me a little slack here!

Now, do you wanna know what I ate and where you should go if you find yourself in Wisconsin?! O-K!

First stop was Wisconsin Dells, WI. Which, if you didn't know, that place is like the water park capital of the world or some shit. I'm not gonna sugar coat it here people. Wisconsin Dells is EEEeeerily similar to Gatlinburg, TN. It's just got a but of kitschy crap: Old Timey Photo Joints, Fudge Shops, popcorn, Ripley's Believe It Or Not museums, random rides, taffy (even though these places are nowhere near salt water). These places are trashy, they are gaudy, and they're fun as fuck.

They are fun on a basic level. Rides are fun. Treats are fun. Strange entertainment like BS museums and side shows are fun. But it's also fun in an ironic way. People watching is fun. Making fun of others is fun. Making fun of the shops, attractions, and food is fun. Really letting yourself just go-all-in at these places makes for a brilliantly fun time.

Aside from that these places are America for good and bad. They are in the middle of beautiful parts of the country. Green lush farmlands or beautiful mountains surround these carnival towns. The people are simple and sweet and helpful.

These areas are also what other countries mock us for. These places are excess, they taunt world culture, they provide nothing for health or mental growth. It's pure visceral enjoyment.

"Bro you GOTTA shut up and tell us all the food you ate!"









Rude. But okay. My beautiful lady Liz and I got to the Wis Dells on Thursday. We ate responsibly before leaving Chicago and on the ride up: Eggs, bacon, apples, coffee, etc. After getting checked in and hanging at the park for a minute we went to to eat dinner at a local spot called Monk's as recommended by Chicago native and Wis Dells expert Leslie Maxey.

Leslie told me I had to try their burgers and THAT we did. They were solid. There weren't too many frills. They tasted like backyard bbq burgers or good old fashioned diner burgers. Liz and I split ours. I got the Jalapeno Cheddar Monkburger and she got the Gouda Monkburger. The Gouda is the way to go. It was delicious. That cheese made it. Also, I surprisingly didn't mind the mushrooms that were stacked on the mother. I ordered a New Glarus Spotted Cow on draft cause WISCONSIN. It was VERY close to the quality of a nice Steigl on Draft at Laschet's Inn in Chicago. We also got their cheese curds because, ya know...Wisconsin... but I'm not going to say much about them because we found better down the road.

The next day we got a free lunch at Pizza Pub thanks to the fact that we signed up to sit through a time share seminar. SIDEBAR: If you run into this scenario, FUGGIN DO IT! You get to mingle with some locals (laid back country folk) and they give you free ass shit like a pizza buffet and tickets to a dope ass water stunt show (Tommy Bartlett)! It was tight as hell!

Anyway, as I'm sure you've all probably correctly assumed, Pizza Pub has a Cici's-esque pizza buffet for lunch and that's what Liz and I ate. It was fine. I ate too much...and here it goes! I had a salad and some very salty french onion soup. I HAD TO OKAY! I needed something green! CUT ME SOME SLACK! Plus their salad bar was pretty choice, lots of good shit. I then ate two plates of pizza (stacked) and a plate of fettuccine-Alfredo. The pizza was MAYBE a notch above Cici's. I had taco pizza, BBQ chicken pizza, cheese burger pizza, cheese pizza, and pepperoni and sausage! THERE, ya HAPPY.

Munchie Madness

Later that night we got some ice cream from a local candy shop. It was delicious. Ice cream is a must when you're up in dairy land!

"What about breakfast? Last week you talked a BIIIIIG breakfast game!"

Well, Liz and I tried to stay somewhat responsible, so we'd only do this to ourselves once a day or so. We only had a bad breakfast once and it wasn't THAT bad really. It WAS at a place called Paul Bunyan's (I KNOW, another similarity! Davy Crockett's breakfast in Gatlinburg and Paul Bunyan's in Wisconsin. These towns love their folklore!) and it WAS all you can eat! But it wasn't buffet style. They just served everyone the same breakfast and you could have as much as you want. Here's a perfect example of excess in all the wrong ways. They offered fruit, but you had to pay extra for it...like fuggin' WHAT?! Give the people some FRUIT for fucks sake. The included items were eggs, ham, sausage, potatoes, pancakes, and biscuits and gravy. I only ordered more eggs and potatoes. Those two things were surprisingly good. I couldn't handle pancakes and biscuits at this juncture.

On our way home and after one of the best things Liz and I experienced (The House on the Rock) we passed through Madison, a LOVELY Cap City for sure. We were told to eat at The Old Fashioned and it TWAS delish. Now DEM Cheese Curds were DANK. They were maybe the best fried cheese I've ever had and for a thing that is pretty much impossible to make bad it is amazing how much better it can be. Go get em! I ordered another jalapeno burger which was ALSO great but different from Monk's. It was a little over seasoned and less love and care tasting...if that makes sense?

I also ordered an Old Fashioned cause, well! When in Rome, err 'Sconsin! It was indeed quite good. I'm no Old Fashioned expert but I've had a handful of Old Fashions where the liquor was a bit over powering and that wasn't the case here.

Honestly, that was about ALL I drank (sorry Alex) cause I was out with my girl and she don't drink and it's not right to be drinking alone. It makes the experience worse for both parties.

I loved Wisconsin. It was truly a cool place with great cheese. A lot of that had to do with who I explored it with. Liz and I lead some fairly busy and hectic lives so even though we live together and work in a band together we don't always get that quality time together and that's important. If you have a significant other make sure you get that in. Go on adventures, explore new places. Be patient with each other and have some GOD DAMN FUN for Christ's sake! Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depended on it.

ELE,
Zach

Gatlinburg...More Like FATlinburg

Howdy You Cheatin' Squaller Hollers! It's I, the rootin' tootinest Cheater of them ALL! And BOY do I have a tale for you this week! I didn't get to weigh in, cause I was in GATLINBURG, Tennessee for a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette weekend. So, even though I don't have a personal PHYSICAL victory to impress you with, I do have some things I learned mentally. Things that, though they may not be directly related to weight loss, do carry some similar lessons that one might learn on a journey for betterment.

You see, for my boy Bobby Cheeseman's bachelor party I wasn't going to allow myself my usual ONE measly cheat day. I was going to go buck wild as much as I could with him and all our friends to celebrate his last chaste days! (he's a virgin...shhhh) This was one of those new fangled bachelor parties that coincided with the bachelorette party. It's a brave new world ladies and gentleman, and those bachelorettes were NOT happy with those strippers' cooters in their faces, but MAN did it make me horny...I mean WISTFUL!


This post was bound to get a little sappy... but I didn't know it would happen that fast! Woo!

On Thursday evening, after work, I drove my ass about 10 hours from Chicago to Tennessee, the whole time contemplating if this decision was going to be at all worth it. Knowing the whole time that I'd be going to a bachelor party celebrating a young man whom I've never known to drink, in a town I'd never had any interest in visiting, all while I was pretty broke and stressed out at work wasn't necessarily a mental recipe for a fun getaway. The drive alone at night cleared my head, it actually put me at ease. It's a place where one can truly be isolated with one's thoughts while seeing sights you maybe never thought you'd see before.

I got a few phone calls from family and friends to keep me company. In this futuristic landscape we live in I've got endless streams of music from my phone and conversations with people far more successful, talented, and intelligent than I to keep pass the time with. Also, on the drive there were strip malls, wind mills, farms, and remnants of old road side attractions (like giant rocking chairs, flea markets, and abandoned motels). Through the south eastern chunk of Indiana a thunderstorm was threatening, yet the rain staved off (THANK CHRIST), which provided this driver with a lightening bolt feast for the eyes! Such majesty, such terror, such worthy entertainment that we lose appreciation of in these lives of routine.

Within this thunderstorm in southeastern Indiana I made my first stop. TACO BELL MawFcklers! (pronounced Ma-fuck-lers) I was eager to get the cheating going so I took my younger brother's advice and went with the cheaper cravings menu items and let me tell you that shit is GAME CHANGING! brrrrap brrap brraap! I'm talking 2 cheesy bean and rice burritos, 2 beefy 5-layers, and a deep dickin' crunk wrap supreme! Was it too much, you ask?! Why yes it was, but it was just me in the car so FUCK IT! Why that order in particular? What else can you eat and drive with better than some burritos and a CRUNCH WRAP SUPREME  beotch?! The road ahead of me was still long, so I trudged on.

I made one more stop and when I did, I only had an hour and a half left until I got to our...CABIN IN THE WOODS (DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN). So I got a coffee and stretched it out and powered through until I arrived at 5AM EST. I was told by Bobby Cheese that I should lock the doors to the car, fore bears are known to open car doors and rummage for food ripping the interior of the cars to SHREDS! So I like locked that car and RAN inside as fast as I could and crashed out for about 5 hours.

When I awoke, BOOM, time for breakfast. Was I going to go light? Maybe an egg and an avacado? NAW BITCH! When we rolled up to Davy Crockett's Breakfast Camp I got me a BIG ASS breakfast quesadilla with, that's right, a side of legit corned beef hash (ALL DAY SON)! I'm gonna get this outta the way all at once cause we went BACK there on Sunday morning before we rolled out back to our respective homes because we liked it so much. That time I got 2 biscuits and gravy...WITH? YOU GUESSED IT! Another side of corned beef hash (BOOM, all WEEKEND Mawfckler!). I honestly can't say which meal I liked more it was all good.

woman depicted NOT a member of
the bachelor party.

"What were some other meals of note?" you ask?! Well LET ME TELL YOU! Friday evening after a couple rounds of EXTREME GO CARTING and a pretty terrifying Mountain Coaster that we controlled ourselves we went to Boss Hoggs BBQ. Not bad, AND almost not even a cheat day meal! There's certainly better BBQ but when is BBQ NOT delicious? Exactly. I had the 2 meat 2 Side dinner. I got beef brisket and pulled pork and for sides: green beans and potato salad. SEE?! If it weren't for the potato salad and the slice of Texas toast it came with it may as well been a week day!

The other meal of note was after we spent all day at Dollywood (the food IN Dollywood was exactly what you'd expect: Wendy's quality fast food at twice the price! YUM-A-DUMB DUMBASSES). Dollywood is a dry theme park so we all got a good bit of drinking in after we left and BEFORE we ate so we needed to fill our bellies. Cheeseman knew a delicious Mexican joint in town that catered a wedding he had gone to called No Way Jose's Mexican Cantina. I ordered a chicken burrito dinner.

"THAT'S IT?!"

FUCK OFF! Little did I know when I drunkenly made the HASTY order that it would be SMOTHERED in queso! Cheeseman really knows how to bring the cheese! Other than that it was really a standard chicken burrito dinner. I've had worse and that queso really shot the whole meal up a few pegs with me. Cheeseman knows what he's doing with cheese so he also got a side of that queso to dip chips into. DAMN was that good shit.

One more thing that struck me a bit odd was that they always gave you a tiny side of "corn pone" or unsophisticated cornbread with you meal. ANY meal. We had it with breakfast and we had it with our Mexican. Good, but strange.

Yee-Haw Brewing

Before I tell you that YES I stopped at Taco Bell one last time on my 9 to 10 hour drive home alone or that YES (Alex Romero) I did drink probably a case of beer while I was there that weekend; I'd like to say that I miss my friends. I wish I could see them more and the same goes for my family. I chose to live in Chicago to pursue a passion, a way or life, and in order to do so you have to sacrifice a lot. For a guy like me, who gets distracted easily, it can take 10, 25, 50 times as long to achieve anything in this life, let alone something as unstable and tumultuous as success in entertainment and media.

What I am trying to get at here is that weekends like the Cheeseman bachelor party trip to Gatlinburg is something that you don't pass up, and I almost did. It's not a distraction, it's a reset. It's a sort of spiritual cleanse that will leave you more clear headed, more driven, and more optimistic on the other side. The distractions are in your routines, it's the NEED for a Starbucks every morning, it's the urge to open facebook real quick resulting in an hour or more of incessant scrolling, it's the 9th beer when you should have stopped at one or none.

Shake your shit up. Create uncomfortable, achievable, goals for yourself and pursue them with 1000 times the tenacity you'd use to simply get through the next day and the next and the next. Find the focus and then give yourself rewards as you achieve these goals.

That's not to say that food should be treated as reward...or treats, nor should time with your favorite people. BUT, if you allow yourself, DEMAND of yourself, time apart from the things you love the most in order to pursue the things that you know will be good for you, well...you come back to and tell me that they don't taste sweeter than ever before, make you laugh harder than when you were a care free little kid, feel safer than when your parents tucked you in at night. Life should be about thrills, highs, lows, indescribable feelings. Give yourself those sensations again.

Gluttony is a tough addiction. Whether it's cigarettes, booze, food, drugs, tv, phones, sex it's there to comfort you, like your routine that sucks years from your life. It's comfort that should scare you, not COMFORT you. Shake it up, set your goals, focus, conquer, and then give yourself one BIG ASS Cheat Day, not as a reward for doing a good little job at your little chores, but because you earned it. Work hard, earn your keep, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, eat like your life depended on it. Laugh like your life depended on it, love like your life depended on it.

ELE,
Zach

Oh yeah, and go see the Hatfield and McCoy Dinner theatre,
 if for nothing else: THIS LADY

Didya Miss Me Like I Miss Cheat Day?!

GOOD DAY Cheaters! I know, I FUCKING KNOW! I missed Memorial Day weekend Cheat Day! I get it! You had nothing to read ON Memorial Day! Well you shouldn't have been reading anyway, you should have been HONORING THE TROOPS! If you were gonna read anything it should have been WWII books or anything by Tom Clancy. You don't want to hear about that Cheat Day anyway, because that Cheat Day was meh on account I ended up kind of spreading it out into a Cheat Weekend, as I ate a bunch of fruit and cheese on Memorial Day.

Now I say LAST Cheat Day sucked but this one kind of sucked a fat one too. (How do you KIND OF suck a fat one?) Oh, you'll find out... It Sucked as in it was HIGHLY uninteresting, so I'm going to try to gussy this post up with as much flowery language as I possibly can. As you know I've got to start with the weigh in! I am down 8 pound from 2 weeks ago! This means I have been sub 250 for 2 weeks straight. It feels good too. I HATE 250lbs. 250lbs feels FAT. Soooooo FAT. Fatty Fatty Buttcrack!


I accomplished this 8 pound loss by OF COURSE sticking pretty decently to the slow carb diet but ALSO biking hard miles along the lake shore trail daily, and pumping out some daily push ups. I hope to further my work out regimen as time goes on and weight gets harder to lose!

"ZACH! SHUT UP AND TELL US HOW YOU REALLY LOST DEM POUNDS!"

Alright, pushy asshole! I REALLY lost "dem pounds" but waking up Cheat Day morning and walking my thin sexy ass down to the local grocery store, Mariano's. At Mariano's I bought this skinny-mini a chocolate glazed cinnamon roll thing! Do you know what I'm talking about? It like curls around, there's no hole, it's ALL FRIGGIN DONUT! Right? Can you picture it? I'm sorry I didn't get a picture of it because I ate it too fast and too hard! It looked something like the thing to the right. But that's not all I got at Mariano's...

I also got a bagel that was covered in toasted cheddar/asiago cheese and jalapeños. I bought this bagel because I was fixin' on fixing me up a bagel breakfast sandwich back at home! I also got some sliced munster cheese to add to that bad boy. This breakfast sandwich may have been one of, if not THE best sandwich I ever personally crafted for myself. Aside from the delicious bagel you're talking scrambled eggs, hard salami, Frank's red hot, and of course dat munster cheese was melted onto the bagel AND onto the eggs, it doesn't look like much but... mmmmawwwwgggggg. Sweet mother of mercy I want another one RIGHT NOW!

I didn't get to go anywhere new this past Cheat Day. I KNOW, I'm a failure! Well if you're so smart tell me where I should go next week! I dare you! And I'll tell you how friggin right or wrong your were! Where DID I go? I'll give you 3 guesses...

No, not Chuck E. Cheese! Dorks, I'm an adult!

No! Not Fudruckers! GROSS!

WHAT?! God you're stupid, it definitely wasn't Chili's! Although that's my favorite chain restaurant so I'll award you half a point for that.

IT WAS TACO BELL, DER! I did it again! I HAD TO! It was on my way home from my mid-day improv class. And there's only one way that Taco Bell tastes any better than usual and that is after being SO funny on a Cheat Day afternoon. I got the usual...

You know what the usual is! YES, you do! I'm not explaining it again! Go back and read like literally any other post and you'll know what I ordered! Jesus! I will say that I need to re-evaluate how I order Taco Bell. Right now I get 4, that's right 4! premium items which makes my bill an obscenely high amount for one man at Taco Bell. This ain't the right way to go about things when we all know it's the same 3 ingredients inside each menu item anyway, whether it's off the "Cravings Menu" costing only a dollar or off the regular menu costing $3 to $8.

The funny thing about this trip to TB is that while at the Bell my sweet lady Liz had gotten back from her gig and started making us quesadillas with the left over tortillas from last Cheat Day's breakfast burritos, what was left of the morning's munster cheese, and the remaining kabobs from Memorial Day. Did I eat one after stuffing my face full of Bell less than an hour prior? You bet your hot tits I did! AND I dipped it in Tostitos chili con queso. MMM, disgusting and delicious....and disgusting.

After that there wasn't much else I consumed that wasn't beer. I drank a bunch at my friend Andrew Campbell's improv show then we went to Nick's on Wilson to drink a few more beers. We got pretty drunk but left before 1AM like responsible adults! Here's the beers I drank:


5 High Life Tallboys
2 Shiner Bocks
1 Old Style Tallboy
1 PBR
2 Three Floyds Alpha King

Is that a lot? Prolly, but FUCK IT, cause I biked home, avoiding rain, and I didn't get ANYTHING ELSE to eat! How do you like dem apples! I'm a responsible drunken Cheat Dayer! That will also help me lose weight quicker is having a nice lil'cut off to my shenanigans in the evening. 200lbs here I come! Is 200 to low for old Zach? Do you think I'd be awkwardly skinny? I am quite tall and generally I have a large build. If I have a bunch of muscles it might be REAL hard to get to 200. What do YOU think?! This is an open forum here! Leave a comment! Also take care of yourselves! Take care of each other! And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach