Boozin' Is BAD Mmmkay, You Shouldn't Try To Lose Weight On Booze.

Hey Cheaters, what's up... it's Zach, yer #1 Cheatin' ASS Mofuga here, comin' at ya. At least I thought I cheated like a beast until this past weekend. Here I am, 7 weeks in and I am back to where I started weight wise and if you don't know where that is than TOUGH, I ain't tellin' ya! Go back and read my other posts! Basically the long and the short of it is that I have just been losing 5 pounds one week and then gaining it right back the next. Why is this happening to me?! I don't FUCKING KNOW, but it's time to get serious.

Fatty Fatty Buttcrack

I'm dropping booze during the week. SORRY friends of mine, but meet up with me on mo fuggin' cheat day and we'll throw down. This is huge. I also am going to cut out eating past a certain hour. And, finally, I need to cut back on the good non-cheat foods: peanuts, hummus, avocado, and BEANS. GOD DAMMIT, that's what is keeping me afloat, BUT I CAN DO THIS! Sticking with mostly veggies and lean protein, let's FUCK!

Now before you get yall's panties in a twist, thinkin' all. "AWW Zach's having trouble I bet he didn't fat his ass up this cheat day!"

Well LAY OFF ME, I'M NOT STARVIN'!...see what I did there?

Anyway, this past Cheat Day I was NOT prepared with any delicious treats for me to tear into as soon as I hoped off the scale. As fun as this is, if I am even going to come close to my goal this is a tactic I am going to have to consider keeping. Liz's aunt and cousin were in town this past weekend so she and I waited around for them to get ready so we could munch some brunch down at our favorite diner Danny's Egghead, only to find out the sombitch was CLOSED as a mother fucker. If this post is revealing this news to you I am very sorry Danny's fans. I am still not 100% sure what happened and I hope they return to us soon. So, starving as I was, we doubled back to a brunch spot closer to where we live called Marmalade.

www.marmaladechicago.com

Corned Beef Hash (not the side FYI)

Marmalade was delish! Definitely better than the first time I had it. I ate the Chicken Biscuits and Gravy and a side of corned beef hash. Let me start by saying, the corned beef hash, only cheat-qualifying because they had legit home-fries up in dere, was the absolute BEST corned beef hash I have EVER eaten! GO GET IT AND TELL ME I'M WRONG! It was not only legit corned beef with hash browns but it also had a slight hint of that shitty canned corned beef yer mama gave you for Sunday breakfast on summer vacation!

As for the chicken and biscuits and gravy, the flavor was bomb, but everything was a little dry. But let's be honest people, HOW can you go wrong with fried chicken tenders, bacon-bit stuffed biscuits, and sausage gravy on a CHEAT DAY! Ya CAN'T! PLUS the helping was massive, and you KNOW I ate all dat shit! WHAT?!

FINE art at it's FINEST

On we went to the Art Institute, cause we was touristy AF this Cheat Day. We saw all that "good-good" talkin' Monet, Manet, Hopper, Picasso, Seurat, Dali, van Gogh, Gauguin plus a room filled with inflatable fish! It was tight! We left and walked to the Nutella cafe. That's right everyone NOT in Chicago, our downtown has a touristy-ASS Nutella Cafe that puts Nutella up in EVERYTHING, including a Nutella gelato. I had Nutella stuffed cookies, and it was excellent.

Game Over Man!

Later on I drank about 5 Miller High Lifes, about 3 Liters of Steigl Goldbrau, and then devoured a large pepperoni and jalapeno pizza, large cheesy bread, and buffalo wings from Sarpino's with Brian, Rob, and Tony while we struggled to watch "Game Over Man!" that Workaholics Netflix movie. I didn't make it through to the end, probably because it's not very good. But WHATEVER! Successful CHEAT DAY, even though it probably shouldn't have been that successful.

Whatever man, I'm taking a step back from the booze, I'm gonna hop back on my bike and ride everywhere again, and I am gonna eat even righter. Cause pretty soon I'm going to need to fit in suits for weddings and I want to look hot AS FUCK. Go listen to Chooch Chat! And remember! Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

A St. Patrick's Cheat Day

Top'O'the'Mornin' to ya CHEATERS! And welcome back to this week's edition of Cheat Day.Don't Care! This week's cheat day landed on St. Patrick's Day! That wonderful holiday that no one really knows anything about but loves to celebrate to it's fullest extent anyway. EVERYBODY'S Irish on this day and if you don't wear green your ass is getting PINCHED! There's green everything! Green Beer, Green Beads, Green Poop caused by the green beer, green tights, green asses and titties walking around everywhere, and green EGGS AND HAM (NOT ON CHEAT DAY! You can't fool me!).

Hershey

Kraft

Before I get in to what I ate I want you all to know that I lost the 5 pounds again that I had gained back from the week before. SO SUCK ON THAT BOTCHES! WOOO! Back on track! So, having seen this loss on my scale I decided to dive right the fuck in with a box of Kraft Shells Jalapeño Mac & Cheese that I picked up on clearance from the grocery store the week before. I also polished off about half a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. THAT'S how you start a damn cheat day. After HOUSING 2/3rds of a box of mac and chee and what felt like a bottomless chocolate pretzel bag I took a nap. Cause it's Saturday and it's Cheat Day and it's a damn holiday and that's what I DO! I napped with an episode of the Simpsons on to lull me to sleep, Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment, LIKE A St. Patty's Day BOSS!

Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment

Liz and I awoke just in time to hit the trains downtown to meet up with my Aunt Katie who was in town with her girlfriends to paint the town GREEN. GREEN for the IRISH! We had planned to go to the breakfast chain Yolk, but of course downtown was packed what with it being St. Patrick's Day and all, IN CHICAGO at that. To hear more about the types of debauchery to be seen in Chicago on St. Patrick's Day go listen to my podcast: Chooch Chat.

Dollop Turkey Sandwich

So we skipped waiting to get in to Yolk and went to a swanky-ish coffee shop, called Dollop, for some warm beverages to tide us over. It being Cheat Day I also ordered me a fancy Turkey Sammy that had a garlic aioli, some fancy Wisconsin sharp cheddar on some delicious wheat bread, all things I recommend on a cheat day.

We enjoyed our hot beverages and took a walk down to the river to check out how friggin' green it was, it was REAL green and also to enjoy some people watching. The parade was about end so needless to say it was a wild scene maaaaan. People of all sorts were there and several of them were VERY drunk at 12:30 in the afternoon. After we walked the river a bit we came back to where Aunt Katie was staying and we decided we HAD to have us a full meal so we went to a little, recently opened, pizza spot called Streeterville Pizzeria and Tap. It was crowded, but again, that's to be expected. Chicago has one of the most popular Drunken Irish Day celebrations in the world.

Aunt Katie and I decided FUCK IT, let's drink us some green beers. We each had two. I also went ahead and threw back a shot of Jameson, because I'm half Irish and my blood wouldn't allow me NOT to order said shot. We then ordered one small buffalo chicken pizza and one small margherita pizza to split between the three of us. The pizzeria boasted a somewhat Neapolitan style in it's pizza making. They only serve thin crust and they seem to be brick opened, or at least have that consistency. Over all the pizza was quite quality and that showed because there was no food left when we were done as I took it upon myself to down all remaining chicago-style square slices after the ladies threw in the towel. CHEAT DAY DON'T CARE how many sliced of pizza you can or cannot eat!

"But Zach, it's St. Patrick's Day and you decide to eat PIZZA?!"

YEEEESSS, MOTHER, I decide to eat PIZZA cause it's the perfect Cheat Day food, plus we had LITTLE options down there so LAY OFF!

After a delightful time with Aunt Katie Liz and I go rest up a bit before our even St. Patrick's Day event. We were already feeling cheated out when we went up to our friend Marie Weigle's St. Patrick's day food gathering. We brought Guinness and MORE chocolate covered pretzels to the party. GUINNESS, a St. Patrick's Day necessity. Marie had regular pretzels and delicious tangy onion dip as well as some cheese and crackers already set out. These sound like boring staples but it is boring staples you will miss the most throughout the week so they are MUCH appreciated.

Serving Up Love

As the main courses were being brought out the Kansas Jayhawks were winning their way into the Sweet 16. ROCK CHALK BABY. Also Rock Chalk Mate Sater's RUEBEN CALZONE! YUM-A-DUMMY-DUM. Now do NOT balk at this dish without letting me explain. This is Corned Beef and Sauer Kraut (German Cabbage, so close!) with 1,000 island dressing wrapped in pizza dough. It was dank as fuck AND a delightful marrying of Irish and Italian cuisine with a dash of German influence all up in there! Marie then brought out a delicious Mac and Cheese casserole. That's right! Mac and Cheese twice in one cheat day! And a tray of delicious potatoes (another St. Pat's necessity)!

After gorging myself on these delicious treats and doing about 5 Guinness and a PBR and 2 glasses of Jameson on the rocks Liz and I hit up another friend's house to play a little cards against humanity. They tried to give me more food but honestly I was full. So instead I knocked back a couple of High Life's and called it a cheat day! So SURE, I started the St. Patrick's Cheat Day off a little wrong, but I think I MORE than made up for it. Until next cheat day! Take care of yourselves, take care or each other, and eat like you life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Green Paint Clean Taint! CHEAT DAY!

What Up! You Chooch-tastic Cheaters! Welcome to the Cheat Day Blog! I ruined it guys! I cheated when it wasn't Cheat Day and I paid the fucking price. I weighed in at right where I started, 262.4. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?! I'm COMING CLEAN! I blame the alcohol. THAT'S RIGHT! There were a couple of instances where I drank booze.

Pinnacle Vodka

Now, although vodka has no sugars or carbs it also has no nutritional VALUE either...I KNOW it sucks GOD DAMMIT! It's not so much that it negatively affects my weight it is more that it affects my energy and decision making. Being sober for 2 and a half weeks in February gave me SO MUCH extra energy and made it so I got a lot more done physically and dutifully.

Also, two of the nights I was knockin' em back I went and drank some beer! Now THAT'S a huge god damn No-No on this diet. Basically any carbs or sugars during the week throws off the whole god damn Cheat Day. And when you cheat as HARD and as FAT as I did last cheat day that makes you gain all your friggin' weight back! DICKS! THIS SUCKS! Especially when you are trying so GOD DAMN hard otherwise. So this week I ain't drinking AT.ALL. so SUCK ON THAT! Next Cheat Day being St. Patrick's Day, I think this make a whole FAT TIT of sense!

"Hey Zach, stop crying and tell us what you ate this cheat day! We're all dying to know!" HEY! TAKE IT EASY! WE'RE THERE!

Alright, I was down after that weigh in but I did NOT let that stop me. I woke up, and what did I do?!

"ate Taco Be-"

USA Today

THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT, ATE TACO BELL! HAHAHA NO, I didn't GO to Taco Bell, so chill. The night before Cheat Day Liz, friend Time Brickey, and I went to Taco Bello (Taco Bell in Italian) and I didn't eat a FUCKING THING, so THERE! (See what kind of effort I'm putting in here!). Liz got an order of naked chicken chips with nacho cheese and some sort of tangy ranch. She couldn't finish them all so I saved them, woke up and polished them bad boys off! The only other thing I had in the house that was cheat day worthy was an Outshine Bar. ATE IT and I headed off to my local-joint of the week.

Spoken Cafe

Now, I've been to Spoken several times. It's a local, and way better than Starbucks, coffee spot right off the Montrose Brown Line stop. So I knew I was going to get quality. When I know I am going to write about a place it makes me really over analyze it. In this case it effected Spoke negatively, so take all the negatives with a grain of salt. And here they are, its slow and expensive. It's slow because it's busy and it's expensive because it is quality.

Cheat Day morning it was packed and service was a little slow, but I got a coffee and a FUCKING DONUT (fine for a donut) to enjoy while I waited for my TWO breakfast sandwiches. The staff let some orders lap me and in made me a little sour so I took into account the amount of money a bagel sandwich costs ($8 not including tax), and it got me a little angry. NO I didn't complain and make the cafe employee's lives a little more sad, THAT would be mean! Instead I snagged my bagel-wiches and headed home. BUT, they cost so much cause the ingredients are CHOICE!

Sandwich 1: All Day Breakfast Sandwich: Egg, Bacon, Cheddar on a buttered Everything Bagel. So simple, so delicious and the ingredients are fresh and quality.

All Day Bfast Sandy

Sandwich 2: Senora Huerta: Ham, Provolone, Red Onion, Red Pepper Pesto, Pickled Banana Peppers on a Pizza Bialy! YUM-UH-DUMDUM

Over-All Spoken is a quality cafe with quality coffee and excellent food items. I give it 4 out of 5 "point-and-pumps"!

After shoving those big meaty bad boys down my fat face I had a podcast to do. That's right, CHOOCH CHAT! Check it out at the link! I had a great chat with Anthony Giamichael, Michael Hamilton, and Yousof Sultani! During the whole thing I was swigging on some Maker's Mark, a delectable bourbon!

Makerr's Mark

dominoes.com

brandeating.com

When I returned home, to help my lady love paint the apartment, she had Domino's waiting for me! Domino's is cheap but it's pizza. Our favorite, thanks to Tyler Walker, is pineapple and jalapeno. She also got an order of bacon and jalapeno cheesy garlic bread. I FUCKING LOVE DAT SHIT!

Henning's Cheese Curds

Tostitos

Before I started painting I ran to Mariano's to pick up some Tostitos scoops with which I scooped up some buffalo flavored chicken salad. I also stuffed those scoops with Hening's Wisconsin Cajun Cheese Curds. I know, I KNOW my east coast audience: "cheese CURD?! That sounds disgusting!" It's NOT. It's fucking delicious. I ate some of them raw and the rest I stuffed them into dem scoops and made little curd nachos. FUCKING delicious! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED Finally, I got an 8 pack of Guinness, so I would hopefully avoid booze this week, and I finished about 5 of them bad boys. After all that I straight up PASSED OUT. What do you think? Not quite as bad a Cheat Day right? I mean! 0 trips to Taco Bell as opposed to TWO different trips?! Not too bad at all! ONWARD AND UPWARD! 200 LBS HERE I COME!

Buffalo Chix Salad

Guiness

              

And remember, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it.



ELE,
Zach Finch

Propagandhi Crushes And So Does Cheat Day!

WHADDUP YA CHEATIN' SISSY MARYS! Zach here, losing weight and takin' names! I weighed in at 257.8 pounds this Saturday morning and I'm feelin' pretty alright about it. This ain't a sprint I guess, it's more of a marathon I reckon. I will begin to try new tactics: more exercise and less of the fattier foods if the weight loss stays this slow. But you know what I'm not doing, is layin' off of CHEAT fuggin' DAY. My weigh in means that since the first weigh in I have lost 5 pounds. And I need to lose 57.8 more until I achieve my goal. And 5 pounds a month is NOT going to cut it! Anyway, that's not what ya'll are here for!

Chipotle

YOU are here to learn how to cheat day! But ya know, I've been thinking. If any of ya'll are interested in the diet I want to first give you one huge hint. If you have to eat out, which you will: go to Chipotle. I know, I know...e coli. WELL RISK IT! What you do, on non-cheat days that is, go in you get a SALAD. NOT a bowl you fat tub of horse shit! Get the SALAD, tell those fucking college kids NO RICE fuck wads! BEANS, and fuckin' LOTS OF EM. Yes throw some DElicious fajita veggies on there. "WHAT KINDA MEAT?!" DEALER'S CHOICE DIARRHEA PEDDLER! Ya know what?! Make it DOUBLE! Every fucking salsa you got. Don't even THINK about touching corn, cheese, or sour cream! But you better DUMP on that GUAC. Then throw a little extra lettuce on top, I'm losing weight over here! It's delicious and it works for slow carb. It's honestly one of the best things you can get out on the diet that I have discovered so far. Know of anything else from anywhere else?! GET AT ME!

Jack's Pizza

Now lets get to cheat day M-Fers! I woke up early-ish, around 8:30, as my lovely and talented girlfriend had to go teach. I needed to get up anyway because I had to get my ass to an audition. WHICH I NAILED, not that you care. But before I did I had to get my CHEAT ON. After my weigh in I went straight to the freezer and popped about 4 thin mints. On may way out of the freezer I grabbed a watermelon outshine bar (YES, totally not allowed on the slow carb diet! BS I KNOW). I then made an entire frozen pizza (Jack's) and ate the whole thing. Let's face it, those Jack's frozen pizzas are a single serving anyway. Now, having abstained from carbs for a while this combination did a pretty rough number on my gut. But, I have a job to do dammit. I got to my audition crushed and then afterwords I realized something...

I had left my tickets to the Propagandhi show, which was THAT night, at my god damn office, which is down-fucking-town, YUCK. But then, a giant light bulb went off in my mind on my commute to my office to retrieve the tickets. They just opened a god DAMN TACO BELL close to my office. Well, it was still breakfast time, and I don't get to Taco Bells for breakfast a lot, and it's actually pretty good. Look, it's no REGULAR TACO BELL, BUT, it's the shit as far as major chain breakfast goes. Have you HAD a breakfast crunch wrap or a breakfast quesadilla?! They are big FAT ASS TITTIES, I'll tell you that much! GO GET ONE. Going on a road trip? Get a Bfast Crunchwrap! FUCK McDs DOUBLE FUCK B. King. Hit up your local Bell.

ALL BUSINESS!

I snagged my tickets from my office and headed back home. Now, let me take a minute to acknowledge that I get home around noon. Which means between the hours of about 9AM and Noon I eat girl scout cookies, 2 Outshine Bars, an entire frozen pizza, 1 breakfast crunchwrap, 1 breakfast burrito, and 1 breakfast quesadilla. That's gluttony folks. But, HEY, that's cheat day.

So, moving forward, Liz got home from her teachings! And she was HUNGRY. SO, ya know what I said? CHAT DAY DON'T CARE! That's RIGHT! And we took our asses on down to FORK in Lincoln Square. Neither of us had been before and it was a place that we passed often when it was jam packed with people. So, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to try it.

Fork's Logo

I can't leave out the fact that she brought me haves of cookies that she got from a fancy cookie place, I forget what it was called. If you want to know leave a comment and I'll find out for you. BUT I ate them on the walk to Fork. One was s'mores flavored (delicious but I didn't quite get s'mores) and one was Mexican hot chocolate flavored (delicious AND tasted JUST like hot chocolate). YUM-A-DUM DUM!

Pretzel Bites and a small bit of cheese

Fork has a high end diner vibe. It's pretty quality. The ambiance is nice, the bar is expansive and well stocked, and the menu is quality and medium to pricey. Because I was not that hungry I ordered...pretzel bites with beer cheese...yes I know it IS what I ordered from Eris last week, but hear me out! I like to compare dishes I love! SO FUCK YOU! They were good, ALMOST as good as the Eris beer cheese, HOWEVER, the Eris beer cheese gave you an appropriate amount of cheese. The cheese that came with Fork's pretzel bites was minimal, though the pretzels were better, so...ya know!

Hangover Helper

LIZ on the other had ordered the "hangover helper" which was fancy biscuits and gray. She also made a bold move and replaced the bacon that was on it with candied pecan bacon! UGH, god it was delicious. Biscuits and gravy is always delicious. It's one of my favorite dishes, but it's hard to get biscuits in gravy in Chicago as good as you can get it in the south. Over all Fork was delicious but pricey. The location/service/atmosphere is laid back and nice.

After that I didn't need shit else for a while! Though between the time we got back from our lovely outing and our separate shows we were to go to I did have another Outshine Bar, a couple more cookies, and some chips. I met my good friend Andrew Donnelly at the G-Man Tavern next to the Metro where the Propagandhi show was to be. I hadn't been drinking, but this weekend I broke it. I went ahead and ordered myself a bourbon on the rocks as well as a beer and a shot at G-Man (possibly the best jukebox I've ever seen). All of that was very delicious to me as I hadn't had it in a while. Propagandhi fucking SLAUGHTERED! I MUST say this. If you like punk/metal/hardcore do yourself a favor and GET INTO THIS BAND. I had a few more beers at the show. Enough to go back to TACO BELL when it was all over!

Propagndhi

In a nut shell

In Wrigleyville on a Saturday night AROUND midnight. Andrew and I went on over to the Taco Bell to eat some BS and experience the culture. (If you've ever been to the Wrigleyville Taco Bell at night you'll get that joke). I got myself my favorites: Cheesy Gordita Crunch with a Doritos Locos Taco, Chicken Quesadilla, and a Crunchwrap Supreme. Andrew got some stuff too, fuck it I don't remember. We also saw a ton of drunks, the line begin to swell, people walk in and decide they could deal with it, and shitty bros as FAR AS THEY EYE COULD SEE!

I would never say this to anyone in civilized conversation and if you ask me about this in person or digitally I will deny it. BUT, on my way home from Taco Bell, I stopped at 7-Eleven and got some taquitos. I've got a problem people. Which is why Cheat Day is the way for me! Give myself a day to be a glutton and then CUT. THAT. SHIT. OFF! Cheat days going forward will hopefully not be quite as bad as this one if I want to get to 200 by August. Although, MY GOD is it awesome! And BOY is it fun! But I've got to be better. Now take care of yourselves, take care or each other, and EAT LIKE YOUR LIVES DEPEND ON  IT!

ELE,
Zach