Cheat Week? DO Care.

Alright ya cheatin' ass maw tuggin' butt lickin' dong SNIFFERS! I'm SORRY! Alright. I came out and said it. RIGHT OFF THE BAT TOO! Okay? None of that tired/half-assed Louis CK type apology, NAH. NO SIR. I. AM. SORRY. Alright?! Sorry to you for letting you down. I am stuck up at my original weight! For those of you who don't know it's about 263 lbs....And I wanted to be a 200 by August, WELL NOT AT THIS RATE! And I am sorry to you, my faithful reader for that. I'm also sorry to myself. Sorry Zach, hey, it's okay Zach. You're trying! You're conscious of your situation at least. You are working toward a better, healthier life and this is a commendable step...yeah-well-THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH OTHER ZACH! Ehem... Here's what happened...

Loyola Taco Bell Interior

Last day-after-cheat-day the Kansas Jayhawks played the Duke Blue Devils in the Elite 8 for a spot in the Final 4 and the Jayhawks totally won! It was an awesome game too, close the whole way through. During the game I got a little drunk of Vodka Tonics. BOOM, already a bad sign. Last week I TOLD YOU I wouldn't be drinking on Non-Cheat Days and here I am, knocking back Vodka-Sodas like some middle aged woman and a BAD cheater! Anyway the intoxication of the victory mixed with the intoxication of the vodka set in motion some bad decision making on my part. I had decided that it would be a good idea to go to Taco Bell to celebrate....I KNOW. STUPID!...wanna know what I ate?
I KNEW YOU DID! You friggin' VOYEURS! I ate a Crunchwrap Supreme, A Chicken Quesadilla, a Cheesy Gordita Crunch WITH a Doritos Locos Taco, AND a Beef Quesarito OR, as I call it, the usual. Next, I let myself get talked into a "bang-bang". For those of you who don't know I'll explain. A "bang-bang" is where fat people, or people with a cheat day, will go to one restaurant sit and eat a meal and then immediately go to another restaurant and eat a whole OTHER meal. Fuckin' A right? America! Good thing I had all those vodka sodas rather than beer otherwise I'd be 360 lbs amirite? I know, I know, I'm wrong...STUPID!

"The Usual"

"Zach! Shut up and tell us where the 2nd half of this bang-bang took place!"

Raising Cane's

FINE, FUCK! I went up the street from the Loyola Campus Taco Bell to the Loyola Campus Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers. This was actually a serious treat, even on non-cheat day, as I had never been before. Cane's Chicken Fingers are truly top notch, especially for a chain. The fingers were HOT, the breading was plentiful AND crispy. The meat? Succulent and juicy. I'd go back, again and again. It was reminiscent of Lee's Fried Chicken in Richmond, VA, if anyone of you has ever had that before.

Giordano's Thin Crust

Anyway, this bang-bang was just the beginning of a BAD week. After a couple of solid days of slow-carb I hosted a meeting at my work during which my company provides free pizza and beer. I'm not going to lie, it was also a rough week at work and I cracked immediately on the beer. That, in turn, led me to crack on the pizza. I ate off of the left over Giordano's thin crust pizza for the rest of the week. Which leads me to this past Cheat Day.

Still Site

TURBO CRUST

I DID NOT pull a normal Cheat Day. Instead, I didn't eat anything all day until that TERRIBLE TERRIBLE Final Four, during which I pounded a few Steigl Gold Brau and Miller High Life's. Then we got some GOD DAMN Jet's Pizza! This is hands down the best chain pizza going right now. If you don't know the ways of Jet's Pizza and their Turbo Crust you've got to get yourself initiated. Jet's is a Detroit-Style Pizza Chain that boasts several different buttery/crispy pizza dough flavors, the most epic of which is TURBO CRUST! It's flavor and texture is unbeatable. It is soft and chewy and cheesy and delicious. Do yourself a FLAVOR and get yourself some GOD DAMN JET'S!

Braciole

Finally there was Easter Sunday. I was to be going to Easter Dinner at the Giamichael's. There would be no way I would make it out of there without devouring some mad carbs and so I allowed myself one more day before hopping back onto the Slow Carb horse. While there I drank a bunch of beers, DUH. I brought a Taco Bell Party Pack to contribute to the party and ate 2 and a half soft tacos myself. I ate cheese and crackers, fruit, delicious home-made pasta and scalloped potatoes. And then there were the meats! I had homemade meatballs, braciola, Italian sausage, and of course the Easter Sunday favorite: HAM! Finally, desserts. Now, I can't remember what I even ate. I think there was some lemon cake, some chocolate pie, and some GAUL DERN Italian cookies. My sides hurt all over again and I am struggling to breathe.

After all that I was done! I decided 100% that I absolutely had to re-set if I wanted to keep going on the Cheat Day Train. So as I write this I am two days in to clean eating and drinking. No alcohol during the week, again no carbs outside of complex carbs and yes mostly protein and veggies. It ain't easy, as I have already shown just two months into this diet, but I am also going to hop back on my bike and get some more cardio and hopefully get on a better exercise regimen to really kick this fucking thing into high gear! Thank you Liz, Alex, Nick and Brian for the inspiration to get this diet back on track! For more please visit www.zachandtony.com. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your like depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Boozin' Is BAD Mmmkay, You Shouldn't Try To Lose Weight On Booze.

Hey Cheaters, what's up... it's Zach, yer #1 Cheatin' ASS Mofuga here, comin' at ya. At least I thought I cheated like a beast until this past weekend. Here I am, 7 weeks in and I am back to where I started weight wise and if you don't know where that is than TOUGH, I ain't tellin' ya! Go back and read my other posts! Basically the long and the short of it is that I have just been losing 5 pounds one week and then gaining it right back the next. Why is this happening to me?! I don't FUCKING KNOW, but it's time to get serious.

Fatty Fatty Buttcrack

I'm dropping booze during the week. SORRY friends of mine, but meet up with me on mo fuggin' cheat day and we'll throw down. This is huge. I also am going to cut out eating past a certain hour. And, finally, I need to cut back on the good non-cheat foods: peanuts, hummus, avocado, and BEANS. GOD DAMMIT, that's what is keeping me afloat, BUT I CAN DO THIS! Sticking with mostly veggies and lean protein, let's FUCK!

Now before you get yall's panties in a twist, thinkin' all. "AWW Zach's having trouble I bet he didn't fat his ass up this cheat day!"

Well LAY OFF ME, I'M NOT STARVIN'!...see what I did there?

Anyway, this past Cheat Day I was NOT prepared with any delicious treats for me to tear into as soon as I hoped off the scale. As fun as this is, if I am even going to come close to my goal this is a tactic I am going to have to consider keeping. Liz's aunt and cousin were in town this past weekend so she and I waited around for them to get ready so we could munch some brunch down at our favorite diner Danny's Egghead, only to find out the sombitch was CLOSED as a mother fucker. If this post is revealing this news to you I am very sorry Danny's fans. I am still not 100% sure what happened and I hope they return to us soon. So, starving as I was, we doubled back to a brunch spot closer to where we live called Marmalade.

www.marmaladechicago.com

Corned Beef Hash (not the side FYI)

Marmalade was delish! Definitely better than the first time I had it. I ate the Chicken Biscuits and Gravy and a side of corned beef hash. Let me start by saying, the corned beef hash, only cheat-qualifying because they had legit home-fries up in dere, was the absolute BEST corned beef hash I have EVER eaten! GO GET IT AND TELL ME I'M WRONG! It was not only legit corned beef with hash browns but it also had a slight hint of that shitty canned corned beef yer mama gave you for Sunday breakfast on summer vacation!

As for the chicken and biscuits and gravy, the flavor was bomb, but everything was a little dry. But let's be honest people, HOW can you go wrong with fried chicken tenders, bacon-bit stuffed biscuits, and sausage gravy on a CHEAT DAY! Ya CAN'T! PLUS the helping was massive, and you KNOW I ate all dat shit! WHAT?!

FINE art at it's FINEST

On we went to the Art Institute, cause we was touristy AF this Cheat Day. We saw all that "good-good" talkin' Monet, Manet, Hopper, Picasso, Seurat, Dali, van Gogh, Gauguin plus a room filled with inflatable fish! It was tight! We left and walked to the Nutella cafe. That's right everyone NOT in Chicago, our downtown has a touristy-ASS Nutella Cafe that puts Nutella up in EVERYTHING, including a Nutella gelato. I had Nutella stuffed cookies, and it was excellent.

Game Over Man!

Later on I drank about 5 Miller High Lifes, about 3 Liters of Steigl Goldbrau, and then devoured a large pepperoni and jalapeno pizza, large cheesy bread, and buffalo wings from Sarpino's with Brian, Rob, and Tony while we struggled to watch "Game Over Man!" that Workaholics Netflix movie. I didn't make it through to the end, probably because it's not very good. But WHATEVER! Successful CHEAT DAY, even though it probably shouldn't have been that successful.

Whatever man, I'm taking a step back from the booze, I'm gonna hop back on my bike and ride everywhere again, and I am gonna eat even righter. Cause pretty soon I'm going to need to fit in suits for weddings and I want to look hot AS FUCK. Go listen to Chooch Chat! And remember! Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch