Boozin' Is BAD Mmmkay, You Shouldn't Try To Lose Weight On Booze.

Hey Cheaters, what's up... it's Zach, yer #1 Cheatin' ASS Mofuga here, comin' at ya. At least I thought I cheated like a beast until this past weekend. Here I am, 7 weeks in and I am back to where I started weight wise and if you don't know where that is than TOUGH, I ain't tellin' ya! Go back and read my other posts! Basically the long and the short of it is that I have just been losing 5 pounds one week and then gaining it right back the next. Why is this happening to me?! I don't FUCKING KNOW, but it's time to get serious.

Fatty Fatty Buttcrack

I'm dropping booze during the week. SORRY friends of mine, but meet up with me on mo fuggin' cheat day and we'll throw down. This is huge. I also am going to cut out eating past a certain hour. And, finally, I need to cut back on the good non-cheat foods: peanuts, hummus, avocado, and BEANS. GOD DAMMIT, that's what is keeping me afloat, BUT I CAN DO THIS! Sticking with mostly veggies and lean protein, let's FUCK!

Now before you get yall's panties in a twist, thinkin' all. "AWW Zach's having trouble I bet he didn't fat his ass up this cheat day!"

Well LAY OFF ME, I'M NOT STARVIN'!...see what I did there?

Anyway, this past Cheat Day I was NOT prepared with any delicious treats for me to tear into as soon as I hoped off the scale. As fun as this is, if I am even going to come close to my goal this is a tactic I am going to have to consider keeping. Liz's aunt and cousin were in town this past weekend so she and I waited around for them to get ready so we could munch some brunch down at our favorite diner Danny's Egghead, only to find out the sombitch was CLOSED as a mother fucker. If this post is revealing this news to you I am very sorry Danny's fans. I am still not 100% sure what happened and I hope they return to us soon. So, starving as I was, we doubled back to a brunch spot closer to where we live called Marmalade.

www.marmaladechicago.com

Corned Beef Hash (not the side FYI)

Marmalade was delish! Definitely better than the first time I had it. I ate the Chicken Biscuits and Gravy and a side of corned beef hash. Let me start by saying, the corned beef hash, only cheat-qualifying because they had legit home-fries up in dere, was the absolute BEST corned beef hash I have EVER eaten! GO GET IT AND TELL ME I'M WRONG! It was not only legit corned beef with hash browns but it also had a slight hint of that shitty canned corned beef yer mama gave you for Sunday breakfast on summer vacation!

As for the chicken and biscuits and gravy, the flavor was bomb, but everything was a little dry. But let's be honest people, HOW can you go wrong with fried chicken tenders, bacon-bit stuffed biscuits, and sausage gravy on a CHEAT DAY! Ya CAN'T! PLUS the helping was massive, and you KNOW I ate all dat shit! WHAT?!

FINE art at it's FINEST

On we went to the Art Institute, cause we was touristy AF this Cheat Day. We saw all that "good-good" talkin' Monet, Manet, Hopper, Picasso, Seurat, Dali, van Gogh, Gauguin plus a room filled with inflatable fish! It was tight! We left and walked to the Nutella cafe. That's right everyone NOT in Chicago, our downtown has a touristy-ASS Nutella Cafe that puts Nutella up in EVERYTHING, including a Nutella gelato. I had Nutella stuffed cookies, and it was excellent.

Game Over Man!

Later on I drank about 5 Miller High Lifes, about 3 Liters of Steigl Goldbrau, and then devoured a large pepperoni and jalapeno pizza, large cheesy bread, and buffalo wings from Sarpino's with Brian, Rob, and Tony while we struggled to watch "Game Over Man!" that Workaholics Netflix movie. I didn't make it through to the end, probably because it's not very good. But WHATEVER! Successful CHEAT DAY, even though it probably shouldn't have been that successful.

Whatever man, I'm taking a step back from the booze, I'm gonna hop back on my bike and ride everywhere again, and I am gonna eat even righter. Cause pretty soon I'm going to need to fit in suits for weddings and I want to look hot AS FUCK. Go listen to Chooch Chat! And remember! Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch