Cheat Day is Epic Again!

From the movie "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"

Cheat day was fat TITTIES this past Saturday cheaters! Now let me tell you 'bout it!

I did the right thing and quite literally had NOTHING to do all day on Saturday. I woke up late (like 10AM these adult ass days), weighed myself real quick and I lost weight! So it's ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! I weighed in at 260.6, which means I lost 3.2 pounds from last week and 2 whole pounds since week one.

www.gsoh.org

Having seen this I went straight for the freezer where Liz was stashing some of them girl scout cookies everyone's been talkin'bout. She bought three boxes for us to crush/share for cheat day. They are always a treat, but here's a hot take for you. Girl Scout cookies are the cookie equivalent to the McRib. They are great and all, but they would sell like shit if they were available all year round, just sayin'. We ate a sleeve out of a full box of Thin Mints and what was left of her Samoas as well as what was left of the new S'mores cookies she purchased earlier in the week. PRO TIP! Microwave them S'mores cookies for a few seconds and them shits get straight POPPIN'!

The cookies did a number on our Slow Carb tum-tums so we lounged about for a while before heading to make our Super Market run for the week. Here's another hot take for you. IF you cheat day people, IF YOU FUCKING CHEAT DAY, it is HIGHLY recommended you go and do your grocery run ON cheat day. Not only will you take care of your weekly groceries, but you will get to pick WHATEVER you want to eat that day. I picked out a donut (chocolate glaze with sprinkles) as well as some nacho fixings so I could make a plate to eat during the Kansas Jayhawks v Texas Tech Red Raiders. CHEAT DAY BONUS: Kansas beat Texas Tech securing their 14th straight conference title, a new NCAA record.

www.kansascity.com

frinkiac.com

After the game I took a very short nap and then Liz and I went to meet our friends Rob and Erin at the new Chicago Cider Mill & Brewery call Eris. This will be my local Chicago review for the day. I believe Eris opened at the beginning of this month and it claims the descriptor "Chicago's first cider house." Now if you are a Cheat Day Don't Care FAN, you know I ain't drinking and you know Cider ain't my drink even if I was, this means our pals Erin and Rob selected this as a destination. Turns out it was a great selection regardless of whether or not you're drinking because the food was delicious. If you are interested in how the cider was, I will give the recommendations of Erin and Rob.

Beer Cheddar Dip

To start we ordered a Savory Popcorn from their bar snacks section and a single order of Beer Cheddar Dip which came with 3 pretzel rods. The Savory Popcorn is not executed as well as it sounds on the menu. However, if I was pounding back ciders I am sure it would be just the right thing to be shoving down my fat face between gulps. What WAS executed perfectly and possibly beyond was that Beer Cheddar Dip. It quite possibly could have been the best cheese sauce/pretzel rod combo I have ever tasted. It was too good, too good and too small a portion for 4 guests. Here's a tip to any restaurant. Give 4 god damn rods. I know, I get it, you want to sell another order and it worked hook line and sinker on our dumb asses! BUT, just give us 4 god damn rods, it's not costing ya'll that much more! ASSHOLES!

Hodag

For our main course Liz and I split The Hodag off of the Hand Held Delights section of the menu. "SPLIT?! You skinny lil'bitch!" Well, look you A-holes, not only were Liz and I stuffed already from earlier, but I was dead set on hitting up one more place on this cheat day (more on this later). The Hodag was basically a gourmet Chicago Dog. It was a bacon-wrapped smoked Polish sausage, grilled french roll, carmelized onions, brown mustard, house pickled vegetables, and cilantro. It came with VERY good fries on the side. Not a bad price either at $13 as it had OBVIOUSLY fresh ingredients.

Rob got The Burger, also off the Hand Held Delights section of the menu. And he tells us, he says, that the burger was DELICIOUS! I believe him. It looks and sounds delicious. The burger comes with Sharp Cheddar (my favy fave), bacon jam, and is on a brioche bun. It was simple and delightful and again fresh ingredients! Erin got herself something off the First Bites list for her entree, the Crispy Duck Tacos, which came as 3 tacos. AGAIN, give 4 you assholes! If we had been sharing them we would have been pissed! The Crispy Duck Tacos included duck leg confit, white corn tortilla, Asian cabbage, vegetable concise, and wasabi creme. She enjoyed those as well.

The Crispy Duck Tacos

The Burger

Over all the food was delicious and fairly priced we thought for how fresh the ingredients were and how inventive, yet simple, the dishes were. Aside from the 1 hour wait!! (Holy hell) the service was top notch as well. As for the cider, Erin got three small pours and I will attempt to remember which she got and which she liked best now. Erin got 5oz pours of Chai Dar (Cider and tea, Unfiltered and fancy), Van Van Mojo (Blueberry cider dry-hopped with Mosaic. Just what the doctor ordered), and Pedestrian (Modern dry cider blended for everyone. Trip, fresh, and pleasantly tart like a glass of Granny Smith). That was easier to remember than I thought. She ranked them:

1. Pedestrian: "Who doesn't like a granny smith"

Ciders

In a close 2nd. Van Van Mojo "The Blueberry is VERY nice and sweet"
And in a DISTANT 3rd. Chai Dar "Bland, the chai tea doesn't cut it for me"

Now, I promised you a bonus section, and if you are affected by my vast social media presence you'll already know what it is...Maw'Fuggin' TACO BELL. For dessert Rob, Erin, Liz and I stopped at Taco Bell on our way home where I got and ate a chicken quesadilla, a crunch wrap supreme, and what I believe is the single best item in all of fast food the cheesy gordita crunch with a doritos locos taco instead of a plain hardshell! Always good! Always cheat-tastic!

@finchzj on Instagram

@finchzj on Instagram

BOOM! DID IT! THAT is how you cheat day! YES I was hurting, NO I do not have regrets! Now lets think of how I'm gonna top that next Cheat Day! Until next time: take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!






ELE,
Zach Finch

Liz enjoying the Hodag

Don't Over Extend Yourself

Sup Cheaters! Post 2 coming at you! Let's start with the business breakdown. I am embarrassed to say that I mother fucking GAINED a pound from last Saturday! I KNOW! Duh FUQ?! I honest to god stuck to the Slow Carb diet to a T! When I weighed in Saturday morning at about 8:45AM  the scale landed at 263.6. I had to check 3 times and sure enough it stopped there every time. THIS IS BULLSHIT! But, I think I know what went wrong.

Skinny Face Selfie

FIRST OF ALL I didn't take a pre-weigh in DUMP. "HUGE mistake you big dumb IDIOT!" I know I know, LAY OFF! Also, I ate a few too many peanuts the night before, delicious peanuts. I understand that weight fluctuates and that this doesn't NECESSARILY mean I'm getting fatter, in fact I know I am not. My face has already begun eating itself. However, to wake up with a sunken face and feeling all the energy of an 18 year old and to see that you GAINED a pound after forcing yourself to eat nothing but complex carbs, healthy fats, meats and vegetables all week is a serious downer.

THE PERKS of this butt fucking diet are endless, however, regardless of what some scale tells me. As I mentioned previously, the boundless energy that I have obtained having not only stripped myself of carbs but also of booze for the month is a godsend. It is honestly incredible. I feel much lighter over all, I don't just pass out or crash any old time at any old place, and I am a LOT more focused on accomplishing things. For instance, I have taken up this blog again, I have started a second podcast beside Chooch Chat called The Poopcast and we are also well on our way to producing the second season of a web-series I started with Tony Giamichael called A Bit Touched. Not only that, but on this particular cheat day I booked myself two different auditions for theatre shows which served as the bread of a Chooch sandwich this past Saturday.

Poopcast Pilot Click Here

This brings me to the title of this particular blog entry. DO NOT over extend yourself on cheat day. My non-food related schedule this cheat day was as follows: Audition 1 at 10AM, 11 AM A Bit Touched read through, 12PM Chooch Chat recording, 1:30PM A Bit Touched rewrites, and then all the way to Evanston, IL at 4:50PM for Audition #2! That's a slam packed day leaving little time to relish in Cheat Day activiy, i.e. gorging yourself on what you need, carbs, cheese, sugars, and LOTS OF THEM. Of course, I say this now, but wait til you hear what I managed to eat on cheat day regardless, cause I was DAMNED if I was going to let that one little pound keep me from cheating my DICK OFF!

Upcoming Chooch Chat Episode Click here

I woke up with enough time before the audition to eat about 6 double stuffed Oreos and a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. After that I reverse-desserted by slicing up some sharp cheddar cheese and slapping it on Triscuits. This really fucked my stomach up which, now that I am thinking about it, didn't do me any favors at audition 1, I DID botch it a little...womp womp. After audtion 1 I had to bike my ass over to our Chooch meeting as fast as I could. Luckily where we meet for the Chooch Train is stocked with deliciously cheat-a-rific foods! While there I ate a smorgasbord of old valentines heart-shaped jelly cookies, chocolate pound cake, oranges (reminder: not allowed on the slow carb diet), candied oranges, various Italian breads and cheeses, and finally rotisserie chicken sammies on hawaiian rolls with cheese and sauces! GOD DAMN! My mouth is watering, I knew I shouldn't have complained earlier in this post.

I had to RUSH out of the Chooch Meet to get to audition 2. I slipped and fell on my ass in the snow as I hopped in an Uber to get up to Evanston on time. I nailed the second audition and got myself a call back, which completely made the entire over-extended day justified. Getting a call back is the equivalent to a firm pat on that back with an "attaboy" in the acting world. I left the 2nd audition to go watch the WVU @ KU Men's College Basketball game and eat the shit out of some Sarpino's Pizza. I know I promised a Chicago restaurant review last week so I guess will be reviewing the Sarpino's pizza chain's delivery.

Sarpino's Website

Sarpino's is actually an international chain headquarted in Singapore. It's US headquarter's is in the Chicago adjacent Lincolnshire, IL. It's U.S. locales include:

Chicago metropolitan area (23 stores)
Minneapolis–Saint Paul (10 stores)
Kansas City metropolitan area (8 stores)
Greater Houston (2 stores)
Greater Austin (1 stores)
Atlanta, GA (1 store)[4]
Clive, IA (1 store)
Fort Lauderdale, FL (2 stores)
Moorhead, MN (1 store)

It's fine pizza. Probably better than Domino's and as good as Pizza Hut and Papa John's. It's nothing to write home about and it is affordable enough. It is what it is. It does the trick. Any other cliches I can throw out to let you know that it's mediocre? Bottom line is that it is carbs, cheese, grease, butter, ranch dressing, etc. Pizza is essentially the perfect cheat day food and Sarpino's did it this time. Next cheat day pizza I'll be looking for is some Jett's Pizza. Also, just a heads up I WILL be eating Taco Bell next week, so get ready for that. Alright cheaters, until next time: take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!

ELE,
Zach Finch

Cheat Day is BACK B!$@&ES!

WHAT UP Cheaters?! Yes, it HAS been a while, you're right. Damn near 4 fucking years as a matter of fact. It's like I packed up my diet blog and went to fat college. And I got so fat that I decided I finally needed to hop back on this diet train to trim town. What's the diet you ask?! HOLD THE FUCK ON I'M GETTING TO IT! It's the official diet from the book "The 4-Hour Body" by Timothy Ferriss. Did I read the book?! No, ASSHOLE, I don't read I'm an AMERICAN. My girlfriend broke the rules down for me and I am going to mimic what I did last time to a T until I am as skinny as this again:

Look How pretty that is! (Oomphotography)

The rules, for those fatties out there that want to try this with me:

1. No Carbs (DUH, dicks) Sun - Fri

Not Entirely Disgusting!

2. Certain Carbs (known as complex carbs) Allowed Sun - Fri:
    a. Beans
    b. Legumes
    c. Quinoa
    d. Avocado
    e. Tomato
    f. Those are about the only ones I'm willing to ingest but I am sure there are more just fucking GOOGLE IT, it's simple.
3. CHEAT DAY SATURDAY: EAT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!

The Rock URGES You To Cheat

Pretty simple right? Wrong! I bet you're thinking of asking me right now, well Zach, you're a borderline alcoholic, are you not gonna drink BEER Monday through Friday either? No, shit head, I'm not! First of all I'm taking February off from drinking entirely so it's gonna be easy. Second of all AFTER February, should I resume drinking, I will substitute beer for Vodka/Sodas and Red Wine as I progress toward my goal of becoming a 50 year + catty woman who likes the idea of a slow suicide. Another way that this is not simple is that it is hard as shit to not eat cheese, chocolate, bread, crackers, fruit, or dairy of any kind now that I think about it! Alright?! So it isn't easy for an addict like me. If it is, YOU do it with me fuckwad!

I started this blog last time as a sort of accountability measure, to make sure I followed through and to have some fun while I was at it. And I did have some fun and I got some good feedback. So, for those who read it originally, thank you! For those who are reading it now, strap in you cheatin' BASTARDS cause you're in for a bumpy ride!

Fat and Sad
(Oh Happy Day)

I suppose I should start by setting a goal right? Ya don't just get on a diet to kind of wade through hoping to just get skinnier without keeping notes or aiming at targets. SO, my weigh in this Saturday, the first official cheat day, came out to a whopping 262.4! I know, disgusting! Some of you are prolly all, "no WAY, that's MASSIVE! You don't seem THAT big." Well thanks for the backhanded compliment pricks! I know it's massive and I don't think I look THAT big either. But, ya know, I'm pretty strong now, so I think there's lots of muscle under this fat jacket. My goal is to weigh 200 LBS (a nice round number)! So I need to lose 62.4 pounds. By when? hmmmm....let's say Summer? So...August? And here's how I'm going to do it:

Cheat Day 1 (2/10/2018): To start the morning I woke up and did my first weigh in, which was highly disappointing. So to make myself feel better I reached into my bedside drawer and cracked open one of two bags of Skittles I had purchased for myself for the occasion the day before. Skittles is among my favorite non-chocolate candy. I particularly enjoy them in a movie theatre with a soda. I love the numb feeling my mouth takes after finishing a bag of skittles and a large soda like I just coated every corner with an eighth of cocaine. Next I moved to the kitchen and pulled out a block of cheese, one that I also procured for myself earlier in the week for the occasion.

Cheat Day Essentials

Ferb Will Be Playing Quite A Role From Now On

Liz, though she is not attempting to follow the diet this time around fully intends to partake in some of my Cheat Day adventures. And you know what, Cheat Day don't mind. Cheat Day don't mind at all. Cheese is one of the adventures Liz underwent with me this Cheat Day eating off the block like an adorable little mouse, sharing with Ferb the cat as well, little fat tub a shit doesn't need no cheat day, but the hell with it. It's a CELEBRATION. I then made myself a cheese-filled omelet. Once the eggs were thoroughly cheesed I polished off what was left of the block. (pats tummy delicately)

This may be a disappointing post for the "Cheat Day. Don't Care" fans out there because I did not prepare like I should have as I did not complete a full week of the Slow Card diet. I began the diet on Tuesday (2/6/18). So for the rest of the day all I ate was a bit more candy that Liz brought home for me from her audition. Peanut M&Ms, Sour Patch Watermelons, and more Skittles. Candy's delicious, especially on Cheat Day.

The rest of the day didn't have much cheating, and here's why. It was the evening of one of the most GLORIOUS events of the year, Candice Conner and Oomphotography's Chili Cook-Off! Now, what's awesome about chili is that it can be both VERY Cheat Day friendly AND very Slow Carb Diet friendly. Just think about the ingredients in chili. Chili's got beans, tomato, peppers, chili powder/spices, and meat! That's all you fucking need! Make yourself up a crock-a-chili and eat off that shit all week and you've got yourself one SHIT-tastic Slow Card week gearing up for a cheat day. Anyway, I AM sorry if this is disappointing to those of you who wanted to hear how I went buck wild at Old Country Buffet last Saturday. Instead, I went buck wild at a Chili Cook-Off.

There's a new theme every year.

I DID eat all the chilis, yes, thanks for caring. TWICE actually. So...fuck yeah! I ate several a third time and a few 4th and 5th times (See why I am above 260lbs?). I was a chili-pig to say the least. Let me break down what was cheat day about a few of these chilis. To get it out of the why: White, cream based sauces GALORE, and delicious to boot. I'm talking sour creams, greek yogurt, and a sort of cilantro tzatziki sauce, yum-a-dum dum! There was also a delicious fancy cheese and some various sorts of chips as garnishes (mostly tortilla and plantain). Finally, what chilis had cheat day all up in dere?! Well let me start with mother fucking CHOCOLATE! "Chocolate? WHAT?! That sounds weird!" It WAS weird, and delicious! SOME chilis had potatoes and corn (not THAT exciting but still cheat-tastic). One Chili was a Cincinnati style chili with not only spaghetti, but (what I am assuming would be a perfectly acceptable Slow-Carb item) TRIPE. Tripe was a first for OL'Zach, BUT I'm alive and it was actually a very delicious chili.

Winner Winner
Chili Dinner!

The winner of the evening was Chili-Cook and artist, Twist Harrison Frei with her chili called: "F$CK Beans Green Chiili." T'was a VERY delicious dish indeed. It won by a mere .01%, a VERY close race. This chili was outstanding, though it did fall into the argument of what constitutes a chili. See this felt to some like a crock-pot filled with a delicious pork-based taco or burrito filling and less like a chili. Chili is traditionally a dish that contains tomatoes, beans, chilis, and various spices and nothing more. Simply adding meat makes it something different (i.e. Texas Chili). Now it would be a BORING cook-off if all cooks stuck to such stringent rules so obviously anything goes. It's just something to think about. How far ARE we willing to stray from chili when it comes to the cook-off competition. What IS allowed? IS chili really THAT good if an outside dish can come in and wreak havoc every year? These are the questions that need answering.

ATISR (Always Throw In a Simpsons Reference)

Chili IS a great thing. Especially in the winter and especially on this diet. So, this was a very fitting event to launch myself back into this diet with. Next week I will have a Chicago restaurant to cheat-review for all you cheaters out there and HOPEFULLY some more sickening displays of gluttony. Wish me luck as I traverse this first full week of avoiding the dangerous sugars and carbs we have all grown to be addicted to. If you have any recommendations of dishes to make or restaurants to eat at during the week for the Slow Carb diet PLEASE do not hesitate to reach out to me! I'll post all about it on the next blog. If you have any recommendations for Cheat Day dishes or restaurants you BETTER fucking tell me or I'll be kicking your ass if I find out you were keeping it from me. Alright cheaters, until next time: take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and eat like your life depended on it!

ELE
Zach Finch

Also, please check out www.zachandtony.com for more Zach created content, including a podcast and some video.