2022 RECAP No. 1 - Top 10 Cheat Meals

WHAT UP BUSTERS! Happy Holidays! Since these holiday weeks are impossible to navigate on a diet as strict as Cheat Day, I've got to drop the CHARADE. So I'm taking the next two weeks to recap my adventures to you BUSTIN' ASS CHEATERS! (AIR HORN!!!)

Here it is final measurements for 2022! DRUM ROLL BUSTERS!

On July 22, 2022 my body measurements were as follows:

NIPS (Chest): 47 inches around
BELLY (Stomach/mid-section): 45 inches around
HIPS (BOOTY AREA): 43.5 inches around.

On December 15th, 2022 my body measurement were as follows:

NIPS: 46.25 inches (Shrinking only 3/4s of an inch...worth it? keep reading)
BELLY: 42.25 inches (Shrinking a WHOPPING 2.75 inches! WORTH IT)
HIPS: 41.5 inches (Shrinking 2 inches!)

So, that being that. I'd say it's working just fine. After the holidays I'm going to get back to it...until I look just like THIS:

Now that I've got your attention let's recap my TOP 10 Favorite Cheat Meals of 2022, SHALL WE?! Now, let me start by saying that these were very tough decisions to make. I would like to be eating all of these meals constantly and every day of the week. There are some honorable mentions and most frequented dishes at the end of the listacle.

10. Fettucine Alfredo w/fresh pasta from Vace: This was an EARLY meal that I knew I would crave right away once I started the diet. Fettucine Alfredo is just young adult mac and cheese. It's Cheat Perfect. It's pasta, it's cream, it's cheese. The fresh pasta made for a delightfully soft mid-day Cheat adventure.

 

9. Cow to Cone Ice Cream and Apple Cider Donuts with a side of Apples from Rock Hill Orchard: This was an odd one because the experience was such a wild ride but the Apple Cider Donuts hit the spot (as donuts tend to do) the ice cream was legit fresh and delicious, even on a crisp autumn day and apples are a delightful fruit and palate cleanser.

8. Bowl O' Soul from Crystal Beer Parlor in Savannah, GA: This was just a perfect Cheat Lunch at the perfect time. It's creamy grits, pimento cheese, fried onion rings and some corn bread. All that with tasty greens and tender pulled pork and that's a bonified mouth melter. 

7. Homemade Gravy with spaghetti on a fried chicken breast from Publix: This was my aunt's homemade pasta sauce with what was left of the SPAGET on top of a deliciously fried piece of Publix fried chicken and topped off with a mound of parmesan. What FAT bunghole thought up this bastardized Chicken Parm? Well you're readin' him.

6. Payne's Bay Breakfast from the Tapestry Restaurant at Treasure Beach in Barbados: I ordered this for breakfast for like 4 mornings straight. It's delicious. It's unique. It's Caribbean. I never would have ever thought I'd want FISH for breakfast in a million years, but this zesty, buttery stew sauce with the delightfully moist hush puppies, plantains and crispy fried potatoes. Take me back to Payne's Bay.

5. Carnitas Tacos and a Gypsy Quesadilla from Y Tu Mama in Veil Brewery followed by soft serve from Charm School Study Hall: Top three best quesadillas I've ever had eaten - chicken, bacon, pineapple, onion and cheese melted on the outside. Deliciously crispy carnitas in them tacos. Delicious dipping sauces. It was all capped by impeccably topped soft serve - toasted mallow and gram cracker crumbles. 

 

4. Saturday Meat Lovers Biscuit Sandwich and A Chocolate Cream Filled Donut from Early Bird Biscuits and Country Style Donuts (respectively): Hands down the best biscuit sandwich and the best donut I have ever had, in ONE MEAL?! Seems like I should revisit that again in a future Cheat Day.

3. Homemade Lasagna: Bolognese with a béchamel. This Lasagna came at the end of an already VERY Cheaty day. I was already stuffed to the gills and I served myself up two portions anyway. It was ballin' outta control.

2. Cousin Prepped Nachos at Vanish Brewing: Remember that already very Cheaty day I was talking about in No. 3? Yeah, these were eaten earlier in the day that day. They are legitimately the very best nachos I've ever had. Thank you again Scott T! Pulled pork, cheese sauce, sour cream, BBQ sauce, chives, jalapenos, crispy tortilla chips. TOPPED TO THE BRIM!

1. Cheat Day Brunch: It's JUST hard to beat a Cheat Day Brunch buffet, OKAY?! I'm talkin' mimosas of all different flavors, beers, irish coffees, fruit, french toast, napoleon pastries, and OF COURSE, the cream of the CROP: Home MADE Biscuits and Gravy! I'm not worthy!

 

Whew, what a year for meals! I promised you honorable mentions and that is what I will give you! Here are some great items that just KEPT popping up in a great and many Cheat Days: Nightingale Ice Cream Sandwiches (OF COURSE), Stiegl Goldbrau, Taco Bell, Call Your Mother's Bagels, Farmer's market waffles, Cheese and finally...something so good I had to add it to my regular diet: Fruit!

 

Tune in next week for the top 10 places to Cheat in 2022! In the mean time take care of yourselves, take care of each other and eat like you life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach

**EXCERPT DELETED**

Wellity Wellity Wellity Cheat Day fans. This one's BUSTIN LOOSE. NOT my best work happened this Cheat Day my fans, I'm not gonna lie. But let's see what kind of fun I can make out of this one. 

I got up early because I had to hit the road and BURN RUBBER. I SMASHED a buttered jalapeno cheddar bagel from Call Your Mothers and three mini quesadilla bites to get myself goin!

I stopped at skinny mini McD's place where I housed a breakfast Bud Light before we had to hit the skids all the way down to Newport News, VA. Obviously this kind of drive would require a fast food pit stop. This time? Hardee's. My second favorite fast food burger after Cookout and my second favorite fast food breakfast after BELL. By the time we got there we were both starving. 

 

I got the Monster Angus Burger and the Hand-Breaded Chicken Sandwich. Both sandwiches look like pure trash. That monster burger looks like a literal monster and the chicken sandwich was anything but hand-breaded. BUT, they're actually delicious and just what the doctor ordered. Not my doctor of course, because my doctor would never recommend that level of salty salty goodness. I wash them bad boys down with a Cherry Coke from the tap and then grab a Dr. Pepper for the rest of the drive. That's WAY too much soda for this adult male but not nearly enough for the fat teen still living inside.

We arrive at our destination, a holiday/house warming party, and 3 hours too early. Do we pace ourselves? NO EFFING WAY! I instantly break into the Devil's Backbone "Buck Tradition" Naughty/Nice IPAs I brought along. Followed by Miller Lite after Heineken after Miller Lite that was also already stocked and loaded at the party. 

5PM Rolls around and so do the guests. The Tostitos Cheese Dip is finally warm. I scarf a couple chips and dip. It's divine. The beef brisket in the slow cooker, which my brother and his fiancee prepared, is also finished. I snag myself a sandwich on a Hawaiian roll with a slice of pepper jack. It's gone in 10 seconds and it is DOPE. Surely this is enough to allow me to continue HOUSING BEERS!

 

It's not! The next thing I know a party guest shows up with some Woodford Reserve. I drunkenly (stupidly) help myself to a glass. 

(EXCERPT DELETED)

Some Shouting "ZACH GO TO BED"

"What's this?!" - me as I tear into a Costco sized bag of tater tots before they explode and scatter across the floor. 

(EXCERPT DELETED)

*TATER TOT NOSH*

Now I'm fully laying face down on an air mattress in a strange dark room. I'm still hungry, that's not right. Not on Cheat Day. I get up. I go back into the kitchen. I grab a tray of fruit and I take it to bed. I eat some pieces and pass out. 

Moral of the story? You're in your 30s. Food > Booze at your party. 

The point and pump this week goes to the lessons I learned on this Cheat Day. Cheat Day tends to equal binge day. That's not the best way to handle Cheat Day, not unlike the rest of the week, should be a gift not a curse or punishment. 

Here's my progress:

NIPS: 46 1/4 (1/2 inch LARGER coughCHEST DAYcough)
BELLY: 42 1/4 (1/4 inch LARGER....uhhh...I don't know?)
HIPS: 41 1/2 (1/4 SLIMER...SEE! Still got it!)

You know what to do people. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch

Makin' GAINS...er Losses?

Good day all you cheat fans out there! What a Cheat Day it is! My my! It feels good to make great strides, busters. And this Cheat Day I've made the greatest strides since the start of the experiment. So, DID I cheat extra hard after seeing the results of my extended diet week from hell?! YOU BET YOUR HOT POT! FFFFfffffffOLLOW me!

It's 7:30AM and I peel my eyes open. I'm crashed out on my couch from the night before. It takes some serious effort to lift myself from the comfy comfy cushions, but I know deep down this is the first time I can touch sweet carbs and fats to my slut mouth since Thanksgiving so I find the strength. I riffle through my bag to find the measuring tape and I wrap it instantly around my svelte body. SUCCESS! My daily dietary discipline is paying off. Now! Let's see how quickly I can undo things.

There's a new lil'breakfast sandwich maker in the house, so why not start there. I make my own delicious Cheat'Muffin (Ch'muffin?) with a Thomas' English Muffin, egg and cheddar cheese. While I wait for the machine to do it's work I go ahead and grill up some mini quesadillas to toss down my wide open throat.  

What do I wash it down with?! A BREAKFAST BEER, DUH! Compliments of this Beer Advent calendar from Aldi. The beer itself is so-so. A very light but almost chemically Wheat Ale. Oh well, what are you gonna do?

OFF TO ROSIE CONNOLLY'S for the WORLD CUP! Awwww SNAP! USA got BOUNCED sadly, and so am I if I stay here any longer. But, I do enjoy a delicious Irish Coffee (with Jameson AND Bailey's) to kick it into high gear, a classic Ruben sandwich with a side of fruit, a complimentary piece of lemon pound cake and a bottomless glass of Carlsberg to wash the defeat away. 

After all of that commotion (and beer) I need a minute to lay down. While I lay around for most of the rest of the day I snack on some taquitos. You see, I need to lay and veg a while if I am going to rally for the evening's main event. TONIGHT I'm going for ALL YOU CAN EAT restaurant NUMBER 2! If you're a fan, you'll recall Fogo de Chao kicked my ass and I can't let the same thing happen here at Hot Pot 757. 

Hot Pot 757 is all you can eat Hot Pot and Korean BBQ. I show up with my CREW and they tell us it's an 1hr and 45min wait. PFFFF, no sweat baby doll. We'll just go cause trouble at your bar over there where we knock back bottle after bottle of Soju frightening families with small children using violent but empty gestures and eye contact. 

I never had Soju before. It's Korean alcohol, somewhat similar to wine in alcohol content but not so much in flavor. You drink it in shots. It's also magic. Besides it getting you pleasantly drunk in minutes it allows you to TIME TRAVEL. That hour and forty five minutes felt like just fifteen minutes thanks to good Soju...and good friends. 

"AWWWW FartPINCH you old softy!"

SHUT UP! Once at the table we were in HOG HEAVEN because they plopped raw pork onto the table like they were Emeril Lagasse, BAM! If you'd never been to a Hot Pot or Korean BBQ joint it goes like this:

                                                                                                                        

1. You order your broth - I went with the Thai Tom Yum broth and it was a SO VERY nice but next time I'd for sure go for the spicy Szechuan - I'm a SPICY guy.
2. You order all the crap you want to go INTO your hot pot: shrimp, blue crab, pork belly, brisket, meatball, sausage, scallops, lobster balls, shrimp dumplings, pork dumplings, chicken dumplings and VEGETABLE DUMPLINGS BRING ME THE DUMPLINGS! Plus Udon and Ramen Noodles
3. NOW IT'S ONTO BBQ - We tell the man, we say to him - BRING ME EVERYTHING: Prime brisket, spicy beef bulgogi, cumin lamb, steak with house sauce, spicy pork bulgogi, calamari, garlic shrimp and baby octopus. "VEGETABLES?" Oh EFF off you EFFIN F! Fine! Mushrooms, peppers and potatoes then.
4. THEN, while they're gathering all of that deliciousness for you, you get to go up to the bar and get yourself all of their delicious sauces: hot oils, wasabi, mustards, spicy mayo, but the BEST is the house BBQ sauce. It truly is to die for. They also have chicken feet, kimchi and seaweed salad at the bar for the taking as well.
5.  Eat to your hearts content. AND WE SURE DO. 

After eating two to three courses with an extra helping of BROTH for yours truly I was about ready to fall over. But still, I walked out of there with pride and rode down the street to Country Style Donuts for dessert. It's safe to say I did this Hot Pot joint much smarter than Fogo de Chao and I was reminded of what could have happened as I noticed a sink full of puke on my way out of the bathroom and ultimately the restaurant.

It was late so Country Style's options were limited. I ended up with a lemon filled powder which was still outstanding. I also tasted a bite of Boston Crème later on in the evening. Country Style still reigns as the best donut on the planet. TRY ME. 

High, full and happy I slowly drift off to sleep with the TV on. What a double feature of a Cheat Day, but ultimately the Point and Pump has got to go...TO COUNTRY STYLE DONUTS! YEAH! Although the experience of Hot Pot 757 was fantastic, it simply wasn't the most CHEAT worthy of meals. It was a lot of meat and broth and sea food. VERY tasty but you've got to cook your own FOOD?! AND it's probably not that bad for you at the end of the day. Donuts on the other hand... POWERFUL. 

Now, I mentioned what kind of hot GAINS/LOSSES were made this past week and a half. I chalk it up to not really cheating since Thanksgiving which was the previous THURSDAY and as you should know by now Cheat Day = Saturday. But drumroll please....THIS WEEK:

NIPS: 45.8 inches (1/4 inch smaller!)
BELLY: 42 inches (1 and 1/8 inch SMALLER!)
HIPS: 41.75 inches (1/3 of an inch smaller!)

SLIMING DOWN THROUGH AND THROUGH. How're you boo?! Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach