2022 Recap No. 2 - Top 10 Places To Cheat

Oh god. Are we not over the fuggin holidays yet? We are. We ARE! It's over! Now what?! Now we get back to the drudgery. Hard work. No celebration. Just focus. Sounds great right? Or does it? It can be great! With a little thing called Cheat Day! If you happen to find yourself near one of my top 10 places to cheat in 2022 now that it's 2023 then treat yourself for a small reprieve from the day in and day out bully that is January, February and most of March. 

My top 10 places to cheat, THAT AREN'T AT HOME WITH YOUR OWN HOME COOKIN', are!

10. Taco Bell - Uhhh DOY, it's probably the place I've been to most consistently. You know what it is. You know what it has, even though it switches things up practically every month. Go and enjoy a little dog food for humans with some regularly.

9. Honeymoon Fried Chicken - There's gotta be a fried chicken joint on the list and this one was the most fun and the most fried.

8. Side Door Tavern - Attached to The Pub and The People, it's curated by the finest mixologist Warshington DC has to offer, named Ulf. Plus they offer some delicious grub compliments of the pub up above. Things like tempura battered cauliflower, a fine burger and some dank mac and cheese.

7. 2 Amys- Pizza joint of the year. A crazy good Neapolitan Pizza joint in NW DC. Worth the hype for their NEO Za's and the burrata and their wine. 

6. Everyday Sundae - Not just wicked good ice cream. A great service, a great ethic, and a friendly environment. Ice cream of the year!

5. Jack Brown's Beer and Burger Joint - A dive beer bar with the best burger of the year, IMO. It's punk rock sensibility and laid back friendly hipster staff make me feel right home and comfy while I knock back beer after burger after beer.  

4. Rooster and Owl - Fine dining that doesn't feel TOO pretentious. If you have the luxury of going with a group of 4 you can try every delicious concoction they have on the menu. Great cocktails, even better far out food. Bring money... or if you have one, a sugar momma. 

3. Sub Rosa - 2 Words. Baked Goods. This is a no nonsense bakery in a gentrified neighborhood of RVA that delivers on every item you'd like to try. Wait in line. It goes quick and it's worth it flakey munch munch. 

2. Union Market - Its a food mall. An OLD SCHOOL food mall. They've got classic stands from years past such as butchers, fish mongers, bakers, etc. They also have pop up stall for all sorts of restaurants: soul food, mexican, burgers, delis, pizzas, anything or EVERYTHING you might want on Cheat Day. A near perfect place to cheat. 

1. Country Style Donuts - A Richmond staple and the best donut there is. This is also the 2nd most frequented place I cheated in 2022. The donut is the perfect cheat day food and that is why this place gets number 1. 

Happy New Year Cheat Fans! BUSTERS! BUSTER BROWNS! Let's let 2023 be an even better year for cheaters like you and me! Take Care of Yourselves! Take Care of Each Other! Eat Like Your Lives Depend On It!

ELE,
FartPinch!

2022 RECAP No. 1 - Top 10 Cheat Meals

WHAT UP BUSTERS! Happy Holidays! Since these holiday weeks are impossible to navigate on a diet as strict as Cheat Day, I've got to drop the CHARADE. So I'm taking the next two weeks to recap my adventures to you BUSTIN' ASS CHEATERS! (AIR HORN!!!)

Here it is final measurements for 2022! DRUM ROLL BUSTERS!

On July 22, 2022 my body measurements were as follows:

NIPS (Chest): 47 inches around
BELLY (Stomach/mid-section): 45 inches around
HIPS (BOOTY AREA): 43.5 inches around.

On December 15th, 2022 my body measurement were as follows:

NIPS: 46.25 inches (Shrinking only 3/4s of an inch...worth it? keep reading)
BELLY: 42.25 inches (Shrinking a WHOPPING 2.75 inches! WORTH IT)
HIPS: 41.5 inches (Shrinking 2 inches!)

So, that being that. I'd say it's working just fine. After the holidays I'm going to get back to it...until I look just like THIS:

Now that I've got your attention let's recap my TOP 10 Favorite Cheat Meals of 2022, SHALL WE?! Now, let me start by saying that these were very tough decisions to make. I would like to be eating all of these meals constantly and every day of the week. There are some honorable mentions and most frequented dishes at the end of the listacle.

10. Fettucine Alfredo w/fresh pasta from Vace: This was an EARLY meal that I knew I would crave right away once I started the diet. Fettucine Alfredo is just young adult mac and cheese. It's Cheat Perfect. It's pasta, it's cream, it's cheese. The fresh pasta made for a delightfully soft mid-day Cheat adventure.

 

9. Cow to Cone Ice Cream and Apple Cider Donuts with a side of Apples from Rock Hill Orchard: This was an odd one because the experience was such a wild ride but the Apple Cider Donuts hit the spot (as donuts tend to do) the ice cream was legit fresh and delicious, even on a crisp autumn day and apples are a delightful fruit and palate cleanser.

8. Bowl O' Soul from Crystal Beer Parlor in Savannah, GA: This was just a perfect Cheat Lunch at the perfect time. It's creamy grits, pimento cheese, fried onion rings and some corn bread. All that with tasty greens and tender pulled pork and that's a bonified mouth melter. 

7. Homemade Gravy with spaghetti on a fried chicken breast from Publix: This was my aunt's homemade pasta sauce with what was left of the SPAGET on top of a deliciously fried piece of Publix fried chicken and topped off with a mound of parmesan. What FAT bunghole thought up this bastardized Chicken Parm? Well you're readin' him.

6. Payne's Bay Breakfast from the Tapestry Restaurant at Treasure Beach in Barbados: I ordered this for breakfast for like 4 mornings straight. It's delicious. It's unique. It's Caribbean. I never would have ever thought I'd want FISH for breakfast in a million years, but this zesty, buttery stew sauce with the delightfully moist hush puppies, plantains and crispy fried potatoes. Take me back to Payne's Bay.

5. Carnitas Tacos and a Gypsy Quesadilla from Y Tu Mama in Veil Brewery followed by soft serve from Charm School Study Hall: Top three best quesadillas I've ever had eaten - chicken, bacon, pineapple, onion and cheese melted on the outside. Deliciously crispy carnitas in them tacos. Delicious dipping sauces. It was all capped by impeccably topped soft serve - toasted mallow and gram cracker crumbles. 

 

4. Saturday Meat Lovers Biscuit Sandwich and A Chocolate Cream Filled Donut from Early Bird Biscuits and Country Style Donuts (respectively): Hands down the best biscuit sandwich and the best donut I have ever had, in ONE MEAL?! Seems like I should revisit that again in a future Cheat Day.

3. Homemade Lasagna: Bolognese with a béchamel. This Lasagna came at the end of an already VERY Cheaty day. I was already stuffed to the gills and I served myself up two portions anyway. It was ballin' outta control.

2. Cousin Prepped Nachos at Vanish Brewing: Remember that already very Cheaty day I was talking about in No. 3? Yeah, these were eaten earlier in the day that day. They are legitimately the very best nachos I've ever had. Thank you again Scott T! Pulled pork, cheese sauce, sour cream, BBQ sauce, chives, jalapenos, crispy tortilla chips. TOPPED TO THE BRIM!

1. Cheat Day Brunch: It's JUST hard to beat a Cheat Day Brunch buffet, OKAY?! I'm talkin' mimosas of all different flavors, beers, irish coffees, fruit, french toast, napoleon pastries, and OF COURSE, the cream of the CROP: Home MADE Biscuits and Gravy! I'm not worthy!

 

Whew, what a year for meals! I promised you honorable mentions and that is what I will give you! Here are some great items that just KEPT popping up in a great and many Cheat Days: Nightingale Ice Cream Sandwiches (OF COURSE), Stiegl Goldbrau, Taco Bell, Call Your Mother's Bagels, Farmer's market waffles, Cheese and finally...something so good I had to add it to my regular diet: Fruit!

 

Tune in next week for the top 10 places to Cheat in 2022! In the mean time take care of yourselves, take care of each other and eat like you life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach

Makin' GAINS...er Losses?

Good day all you cheat fans out there! What a Cheat Day it is! My my! It feels good to make great strides, busters. And this Cheat Day I've made the greatest strides since the start of the experiment. So, DID I cheat extra hard after seeing the results of my extended diet week from hell?! YOU BET YOUR HOT POT! FFFFfffffffOLLOW me!

It's 7:30AM and I peel my eyes open. I'm crashed out on my couch from the night before. It takes some serious effort to lift myself from the comfy comfy cushions, but I know deep down this is the first time I can touch sweet carbs and fats to my slut mouth since Thanksgiving so I find the strength. I riffle through my bag to find the measuring tape and I wrap it instantly around my svelte body. SUCCESS! My daily dietary discipline is paying off. Now! Let's see how quickly I can undo things.

There's a new lil'breakfast sandwich maker in the house, so why not start there. I make my own delicious Cheat'Muffin (Ch'muffin?) with a Thomas' English Muffin, egg and cheddar cheese. While I wait for the machine to do it's work I go ahead and grill up some mini quesadillas to toss down my wide open throat.  

What do I wash it down with?! A BREAKFAST BEER, DUH! Compliments of this Beer Advent calendar from Aldi. The beer itself is so-so. A very light but almost chemically Wheat Ale. Oh well, what are you gonna do?

OFF TO ROSIE CONNOLLY'S for the WORLD CUP! Awwww SNAP! USA got BOUNCED sadly, and so am I if I stay here any longer. But, I do enjoy a delicious Irish Coffee (with Jameson AND Bailey's) to kick it into high gear, a classic Ruben sandwich with a side of fruit, a complimentary piece of lemon pound cake and a bottomless glass of Carlsberg to wash the defeat away. 

After all of that commotion (and beer) I need a minute to lay down. While I lay around for most of the rest of the day I snack on some taquitos. You see, I need to lay and veg a while if I am going to rally for the evening's main event. TONIGHT I'm going for ALL YOU CAN EAT restaurant NUMBER 2! If you're a fan, you'll recall Fogo de Chao kicked my ass and I can't let the same thing happen here at Hot Pot 757. 

Hot Pot 757 is all you can eat Hot Pot and Korean BBQ. I show up with my CREW and they tell us it's an 1hr and 45min wait. PFFFF, no sweat baby doll. We'll just go cause trouble at your bar over there where we knock back bottle after bottle of Soju frightening families with small children using violent but empty gestures and eye contact. 

I never had Soju before. It's Korean alcohol, somewhat similar to wine in alcohol content but not so much in flavor. You drink it in shots. It's also magic. Besides it getting you pleasantly drunk in minutes it allows you to TIME TRAVEL. That hour and forty five minutes felt like just fifteen minutes thanks to good Soju...and good friends. 

"AWWWW FartPINCH you old softy!"

SHUT UP! Once at the table we were in HOG HEAVEN because they plopped raw pork onto the table like they were Emeril Lagasse, BAM! If you'd never been to a Hot Pot or Korean BBQ joint it goes like this:

                                                                                                                        

1. You order your broth - I went with the Thai Tom Yum broth and it was a SO VERY nice but next time I'd for sure go for the spicy Szechuan - I'm a SPICY guy.
2. You order all the crap you want to go INTO your hot pot: shrimp, blue crab, pork belly, brisket, meatball, sausage, scallops, lobster balls, shrimp dumplings, pork dumplings, chicken dumplings and VEGETABLE DUMPLINGS BRING ME THE DUMPLINGS! Plus Udon and Ramen Noodles
3. NOW IT'S ONTO BBQ - We tell the man, we say to him - BRING ME EVERYTHING: Prime brisket, spicy beef bulgogi, cumin lamb, steak with house sauce, spicy pork bulgogi, calamari, garlic shrimp and baby octopus. "VEGETABLES?" Oh EFF off you EFFIN F! Fine! Mushrooms, peppers and potatoes then.
4. THEN, while they're gathering all of that deliciousness for you, you get to go up to the bar and get yourself all of their delicious sauces: hot oils, wasabi, mustards, spicy mayo, but the BEST is the house BBQ sauce. It truly is to die for. They also have chicken feet, kimchi and seaweed salad at the bar for the taking as well.
5.  Eat to your hearts content. AND WE SURE DO. 

After eating two to three courses with an extra helping of BROTH for yours truly I was about ready to fall over. But still, I walked out of there with pride and rode down the street to Country Style Donuts for dessert. It's safe to say I did this Hot Pot joint much smarter than Fogo de Chao and I was reminded of what could have happened as I noticed a sink full of puke on my way out of the bathroom and ultimately the restaurant.

It was late so Country Style's options were limited. I ended up with a lemon filled powder which was still outstanding. I also tasted a bite of Boston Crème later on in the evening. Country Style still reigns as the best donut on the planet. TRY ME. 

High, full and happy I slowly drift off to sleep with the TV on. What a double feature of a Cheat Day, but ultimately the Point and Pump has got to go...TO COUNTRY STYLE DONUTS! YEAH! Although the experience of Hot Pot 757 was fantastic, it simply wasn't the most CHEAT worthy of meals. It was a lot of meat and broth and sea food. VERY tasty but you've got to cook your own FOOD?! AND it's probably not that bad for you at the end of the day. Donuts on the other hand... POWERFUL. 

Now, I mentioned what kind of hot GAINS/LOSSES were made this past week and a half. I chalk it up to not really cheating since Thanksgiving which was the previous THURSDAY and as you should know by now Cheat Day = Saturday. But drumroll please....THIS WEEK:

NIPS: 45.8 inches (1/4 inch smaller!)
BELLY: 42 inches (1 and 1/8 inch SMALLER!)
HIPS: 41.75 inches (1/3 of an inch smaller!)

SLIMING DOWN THROUGH AND THROUGH. How're you boo?! Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach