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Wellity Wellity Wellity Cheat Day fans. This one's BUSTIN LOOSE. NOT my best work happened this Cheat Day my fans, I'm not gonna lie. But let's see what kind of fun I can make out of this one. 

I got up early because I had to hit the road and BURN RUBBER. I SMASHED a buttered jalapeno cheddar bagel from Call Your Mothers and three mini quesadilla bites to get myself goin!

I stopped at skinny mini McD's place where I housed a breakfast Bud Light before we had to hit the skids all the way down to Newport News, VA. Obviously this kind of drive would require a fast food pit stop. This time? Hardee's. My second favorite fast food burger after Cookout and my second favorite fast food breakfast after BELL. By the time we got there we were both starving. 

 

I got the Monster Angus Burger and the Hand-Breaded Chicken Sandwich. Both sandwiches look like pure trash. That monster burger looks like a literal monster and the chicken sandwich was anything but hand-breaded. BUT, they're actually delicious and just what the doctor ordered. Not my doctor of course, because my doctor would never recommend that level of salty salty goodness. I wash them bad boys down with a Cherry Coke from the tap and then grab a Dr. Pepper for the rest of the drive. That's WAY too much soda for this adult male but not nearly enough for the fat teen still living inside.

We arrive at our destination, a holiday/house warming party, and 3 hours too early. Do we pace ourselves? NO EFFING WAY! I instantly break into the Devil's Backbone "Buck Tradition" Naughty/Nice IPAs I brought along. Followed by Miller Lite after Heineken after Miller Lite that was also already stocked and loaded at the party. 

5PM Rolls around and so do the guests. The Tostitos Cheese Dip is finally warm. I scarf a couple chips and dip. It's divine. The beef brisket in the slow cooker, which my brother and his fiancee prepared, is also finished. I snag myself a sandwich on a Hawaiian roll with a slice of pepper jack. It's gone in 10 seconds and it is DOPE. Surely this is enough to allow me to continue HOUSING BEERS!

 

It's not! The next thing I know a party guest shows up with some Woodford Reserve. I drunkenly (stupidly) help myself to a glass. 

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Some Shouting "ZACH GO TO BED"

"What's this?!" - me as I tear into a Costco sized bag of tater tots before they explode and scatter across the floor. 

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*TATER TOT NOSH*

Now I'm fully laying face down on an air mattress in a strange dark room. I'm still hungry, that's not right. Not on Cheat Day. I get up. I go back into the kitchen. I grab a tray of fruit and I take it to bed. I eat some pieces and pass out. 

Moral of the story? You're in your 30s. Food > Booze at your party. 

The point and pump this week goes to the lessons I learned on this Cheat Day. Cheat Day tends to equal binge day. That's not the best way to handle Cheat Day, not unlike the rest of the week, should be a gift not a curse or punishment. 

Here's my progress:

NIPS: 46 1/4 (1/2 inch LARGER coughCHEST DAYcough)
BELLY: 42 1/4 (1/4 inch LARGER....uhhh...I don't know?)
HIPS: 41 1/2 (1/4 SLIMER...SEE! Still got it!)

You know what to do people. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch