2022 RECAP No. 1 - Top 10 Cheat Meals

WHAT UP BUSTERS! Happy Holidays! Since these holiday weeks are impossible to navigate on a diet as strict as Cheat Day, I've got to drop the CHARADE. So I'm taking the next two weeks to recap my adventures to you BUSTIN' ASS CHEATERS! (AIR HORN!!!)

Here it is final measurements for 2022! DRUM ROLL BUSTERS!

On July 22, 2022 my body measurements were as follows:

NIPS (Chest): 47 inches around
BELLY (Stomach/mid-section): 45 inches around
HIPS (BOOTY AREA): 43.5 inches around.

On December 15th, 2022 my body measurement were as follows:

NIPS: 46.25 inches (Shrinking only 3/4s of an inch...worth it? keep reading)
BELLY: 42.25 inches (Shrinking a WHOPPING 2.75 inches! WORTH IT)
HIPS: 41.5 inches (Shrinking 2 inches!)

So, that being that. I'd say it's working just fine. After the holidays I'm going to get back to it...until I look just like THIS:

Now that I've got your attention let's recap my TOP 10 Favorite Cheat Meals of 2022, SHALL WE?! Now, let me start by saying that these were very tough decisions to make. I would like to be eating all of these meals constantly and every day of the week. There are some honorable mentions and most frequented dishes at the end of the listacle.

10. Fettucine Alfredo w/fresh pasta from Vace: This was an EARLY meal that I knew I would crave right away once I started the diet. Fettucine Alfredo is just young adult mac and cheese. It's Cheat Perfect. It's pasta, it's cream, it's cheese. The fresh pasta made for a delightfully soft mid-day Cheat adventure.

 

9. Cow to Cone Ice Cream and Apple Cider Donuts with a side of Apples from Rock Hill Orchard: This was an odd one because the experience was such a wild ride but the Apple Cider Donuts hit the spot (as donuts tend to do) the ice cream was legit fresh and delicious, even on a crisp autumn day and apples are a delightful fruit and palate cleanser.

8. Bowl O' Soul from Crystal Beer Parlor in Savannah, GA: This was just a perfect Cheat Lunch at the perfect time. It's creamy grits, pimento cheese, fried onion rings and some corn bread. All that with tasty greens and tender pulled pork and that's a bonified mouth melter. 

7. Homemade Gravy with spaghetti on a fried chicken breast from Publix: This was my aunt's homemade pasta sauce with what was left of the SPAGET on top of a deliciously fried piece of Publix fried chicken and topped off with a mound of parmesan. What FAT bunghole thought up this bastardized Chicken Parm? Well you're readin' him.

6. Payne's Bay Breakfast from the Tapestry Restaurant at Treasure Beach in Barbados: I ordered this for breakfast for like 4 mornings straight. It's delicious. It's unique. It's Caribbean. I never would have ever thought I'd want FISH for breakfast in a million years, but this zesty, buttery stew sauce with the delightfully moist hush puppies, plantains and crispy fried potatoes. Take me back to Payne's Bay.

5. Carnitas Tacos and a Gypsy Quesadilla from Y Tu Mama in Veil Brewery followed by soft serve from Charm School Study Hall: Top three best quesadillas I've ever had eaten - chicken, bacon, pineapple, onion and cheese melted on the outside. Deliciously crispy carnitas in them tacos. Delicious dipping sauces. It was all capped by impeccably topped soft serve - toasted mallow and gram cracker crumbles. 

 

4. Saturday Meat Lovers Biscuit Sandwich and A Chocolate Cream Filled Donut from Early Bird Biscuits and Country Style Donuts (respectively): Hands down the best biscuit sandwich and the best donut I have ever had, in ONE MEAL?! Seems like I should revisit that again in a future Cheat Day.

3. Homemade Lasagna: Bolognese with a béchamel. This Lasagna came at the end of an already VERY Cheaty day. I was already stuffed to the gills and I served myself up two portions anyway. It was ballin' outta control.

2. Cousin Prepped Nachos at Vanish Brewing: Remember that already very Cheaty day I was talking about in No. 3? Yeah, these were eaten earlier in the day that day. They are legitimately the very best nachos I've ever had. Thank you again Scott T! Pulled pork, cheese sauce, sour cream, BBQ sauce, chives, jalapenos, crispy tortilla chips. TOPPED TO THE BRIM!

1. Cheat Day Brunch: It's JUST hard to beat a Cheat Day Brunch buffet, OKAY?! I'm talkin' mimosas of all different flavors, beers, irish coffees, fruit, french toast, napoleon pastries, and OF COURSE, the cream of the CROP: Home MADE Biscuits and Gravy! I'm not worthy!

 

Whew, what a year for meals! I promised you honorable mentions and that is what I will give you! Here are some great items that just KEPT popping up in a great and many Cheat Days: Nightingale Ice Cream Sandwiches (OF COURSE), Stiegl Goldbrau, Taco Bell, Call Your Mother's Bagels, Farmer's market waffles, Cheese and finally...something so good I had to add it to my regular diet: Fruit!

 

Tune in next week for the top 10 places to Cheat in 2022! In the mean time take care of yourselves, take care of each other and eat like you life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach

**EXCERPT DELETED**

Wellity Wellity Wellity Cheat Day fans. This one's BUSTIN LOOSE. NOT my best work happened this Cheat Day my fans, I'm not gonna lie. But let's see what kind of fun I can make out of this one. 

I got up early because I had to hit the road and BURN RUBBER. I SMASHED a buttered jalapeno cheddar bagel from Call Your Mothers and three mini quesadilla bites to get myself goin!

I stopped at skinny mini McD's place where I housed a breakfast Bud Light before we had to hit the skids all the way down to Newport News, VA. Obviously this kind of drive would require a fast food pit stop. This time? Hardee's. My second favorite fast food burger after Cookout and my second favorite fast food breakfast after BELL. By the time we got there we were both starving. 

 

I got the Monster Angus Burger and the Hand-Breaded Chicken Sandwich. Both sandwiches look like pure trash. That monster burger looks like a literal monster and the chicken sandwich was anything but hand-breaded. BUT, they're actually delicious and just what the doctor ordered. Not my doctor of course, because my doctor would never recommend that level of salty salty goodness. I wash them bad boys down with a Cherry Coke from the tap and then grab a Dr. Pepper for the rest of the drive. That's WAY too much soda for this adult male but not nearly enough for the fat teen still living inside.

We arrive at our destination, a holiday/house warming party, and 3 hours too early. Do we pace ourselves? NO EFFING WAY! I instantly break into the Devil's Backbone "Buck Tradition" Naughty/Nice IPAs I brought along. Followed by Miller Lite after Heineken after Miller Lite that was also already stocked and loaded at the party. 

5PM Rolls around and so do the guests. The Tostitos Cheese Dip is finally warm. I scarf a couple chips and dip. It's divine. The beef brisket in the slow cooker, which my brother and his fiancee prepared, is also finished. I snag myself a sandwich on a Hawaiian roll with a slice of pepper jack. It's gone in 10 seconds and it is DOPE. Surely this is enough to allow me to continue HOUSING BEERS!

 

It's not! The next thing I know a party guest shows up with some Woodford Reserve. I drunkenly (stupidly) help myself to a glass. 

(EXCERPT DELETED)

Some Shouting "ZACH GO TO BED"

"What's this?!" - me as I tear into a Costco sized bag of tater tots before they explode and scatter across the floor. 

(EXCERPT DELETED)

*TATER TOT NOSH*

Now I'm fully laying face down on an air mattress in a strange dark room. I'm still hungry, that's not right. Not on Cheat Day. I get up. I go back into the kitchen. I grab a tray of fruit and I take it to bed. I eat some pieces and pass out. 

Moral of the story? You're in your 30s. Food > Booze at your party. 

The point and pump this week goes to the lessons I learned on this Cheat Day. Cheat Day tends to equal binge day. That's not the best way to handle Cheat Day, not unlike the rest of the week, should be a gift not a curse or punishment. 

Here's my progress:

NIPS: 46 1/4 (1/2 inch LARGER coughCHEST DAYcough)
BELLY: 42 1/4 (1/4 inch LARGER....uhhh...I don't know?)
HIPS: 41 1/2 (1/4 SLIMER...SEE! Still got it!)

You know what to do people. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch