Wild and Wonderful Cheat Day

Sup Skeeter Cheaters! I am back from the wild, wonderful, AND weird West Virginia. I was there for a short Chidester family vacation! To start I want to thank Trish and Jim Chidester for having me along for the ride!

Before I GET. INTO IT! I need to do some unpleasant housekeeping for all you Cheaters out there. I am a big fat tub of lard and I have to be in a wedding party in Mid/Late-Sept so as of today I am not going to be Cheat Daying OR Drinking alcohol until September 22nd. I'll still check in on you guys with maybe the occasional cheat meal here and there over the next couple of weeks. I haven't weighed in this week as I never saw a scale in the cabin I was staying in. So...sorry.

Not quite as pictured

It should be no surprise that they had no scale as I was without any sort of phone service or wifi for about 2.5 days while I was there. Wild indeed West Virginia, wild indeed. I left Chicago Wednesday morning for strange territories. I didn't exactly start cheating until Thursday though. The food on the drive Wednesday included some jerky, a buffalo chicken salad from Chili's, and a cup of chili from Chili's. Other than that I drank waters, LaCroix's, and an energy drink I had never had before called "Bang" which I am told is pretty natural, so I kept it pretty legit on Wednesday. The drive itself was fun though! Lauren, Al, and I made road trip playlists and chatted. Al drove for me the last 3 hours. OH, when he was driving Lauren and I DID split a bottle of sparkling white wine he brought back with him from Austin, so that was pretty cool.

Thursday I woke up in Bedford, VA at the Chidester estate. We were whisked away quite quickly to Farmville, VA where lovely Liz's cousin Anne had just started college at Longwood University. We ate at a place called Charley's Waterfront Cafe which was in a delightful old Mill near the river that runs through Farmville. I had the lunch special of the day, a buffalo chicken wrap with a cup of chicken enchilada soup. As you can probably tell I was trying my best to cling on to NOT cheating even though the wrap was a tortilla and there were tortilla strips in the soup...but so it goes when you're on a wild and wonderful trip. And what happens next will ASTONISH YOU!

Behind the Chidester Estate

When we got back to the Chidester estate in Bedford, VA WE. ATE. AGAIN! AH! This time burgers, dogs, and sausages! I had a burger, a hot dog, AND a sausage as well as TWO helpings of delicious pasta salad courtesy of Uncle Tom Chidester. After that we stayed seated at the table for an Italian Cream Cake...you know how you ASK for a small piece of cake, cause you don't really have a sweet tooth and you just want a taste, but the person cutting the cake don't believe dat shit cause you a big tall fat dude! That happened again, and YES I finished it! CAUSE MAMA RAISED ME RIGHT! FUCK! So now it's on. Cheat Weekend started Thursday.

The next morning we were woke up at round 8AM fur breakfast and a 9:30AM drive time to Durbin, WV. Brickfist was mild: scrambled eggs WITH mozzarella (CHEATN' S'more)! The drive was about 3.5 hours. We lost cell signal abruptly as we neared Durbin and I did not get it back until Sunday afternoon on our way back to Chicago near Charleston, WV. I'm told there is no cell signal in Durbin and surrounding areas due to the Green Bank Observatory which is a tower built to listen for sounds in space. Weird Wild Stuff West Virginia.

We got to Durbin to ride an old time chooch chooch train called the Durbin Rocket. Before getting on the train we had about 15 minutes to stuff our faces with left overs from Thursday's BBQ out of the trunk of the car. I stuffed a cold burger in my face and slammed another dog, another sausage and a fist full of Frito Scoops. I washed it all down with two scoops of mint chocolate chip from the lil'gift shop across from the train. The train didn't rocket, but it WAS delightful. I recommend something like this as it is unique in it's Americana, so for you folks who enjoy history give her a go! Warning for my friends of color: it MAY get uncomfortable in the region.


Post train ride we drove about another hour/hour and a half to Marlinton, WV where the cabin was. Marlinton is a tiny lil'ol'mountain lumber town with two restaurants, a liquor store, an IGA grocery store, a dollar store, a state farm insurance broker, a bait and tackle shop, a cafe/bike rental place and an OPERA HOUSE of all things. After unloading our stuff into the cabin we made a quick grocery/liquor store run. We got some Jacked Buffalo/Blue Cheese Doritos, some Veggie chips, some Oreo's, more Fritos, and some Ritz Sea Salt Crisps to go with the Colby Jack and French Onion Dip we already had back at the house. We got a 12 pack of Bud Light pints, a 4 pack Big Timber Brewing Company's IPA, and a turpentine can of Stillhouse "Moonshine". Our dinner consisted of the aforementioned snacks as well as the remaining pasta salad, burgers, brats, and dogs from the previous two meals. That's right...three meals total of burgers, brats, dogs and pasta salad and to be honest, this Cheater ain't exactly complaining. I also could not STOP stuffing my face full of crackers and cheese and JACKED Doritos.

The Big Timber IPA was fine, nothing to write home about and the "'SHINE" was kind of gross, until you mixed it with just about anything, including water. I think it was worth it just for the gimmick of drinking liquor out of a turpentine can.

We awoke the next morning (SATURDAY, Cheat Day OFFICIAL) for some cheesy eggs and bacon (not too cheaty...so that's good...I guess?). And we went off for a bike ride. We rented bikes from Dirtbean Cafe and Bike Shop. While we waited for them to set us up we ordered ice coffees which were nice and for the ride I bought a six pack of the local Mountain State Brewing Co.'s Almost Heaven Amber Ale for the ride and it was god damn DELICIOUS. AND. the perfect beer to take on a warm bike ride through an old rail trail in the mountains. Also, just for fun trivia, it's named after a sunshine on my GOD DAMN SHOULDERS John Denver song.

After the bike ride we showered and went to the local spot Greenbrier Grill and Lodge where I took down a turn at the salad bar, which had old southern cookout classic Pistachio Pudding featured as both a starter AND dessert for the meal. My main course? Chicken Penne Alfredo. It was actually delicious and DAMN cheesy and creamy and buttery and cheaty! The restaurant was fun. You could buy 50 cent bags of corn to feed ducks who hung by on the adjacent Greenbrier River. We mingled with the locals after their peewee football game, one young ragamuffin was actually, honest to god, named Skeeter. You've just gotta love it. If you find yourself in Marlinton, WV try the Greenbrier Grill and Lodge, if you don't want to your only other option is the new Alfredo's Italian and Greek restaurant.

We walked their tiny lil'town area for a minute after the meal and went home for some ice cream and a bonfire. On this evening the drinkers of the group partook in some Bell's Two Hearted Ales and some...Bud Light Orange, which would have been a total bust if we didn't spike it with a little of that SHINE.

We awoke once again the next morning to some bacon, eggs, and this time some home fries! Yumma-dumdum. This was the day we had to drive our asses all the way back to Chicago. On the road trip we polished off several bags of chips, including: white cheddar popcorn, lays jalapeño kettle chips, and of course some more Fritos. I went to Tim Hortons for the first time and tried a bite of a cream filled donut as well as a tuscan chicken panini. It was all fine, but it was truly eerily similar to Dunking Donuts. Our one big stop before making it back to Chicago was at the Wisconsin based chain Culver's.

I had never been to Culver's so this was a real treat for me. Their Double Cheddar Bacon Butter Burger was possibly top three fast food burgers I've had and the spicy chicken sandwich was the closest thing to the original Wendy's Spicy Chicken I've ever had. The ice creams were good, though they melted quickly. I had a shake stuffed with Oreo. Their fried cheese curds were exactly what you'd expect from a fast food chain. I'd go there again I reckon. Next road trip maybe...

Here I sit, regaling all you healthy voyeurs with tails of FAT from the road thinking to myself... it is time to rest. It hasn't been working. I will see how much I weigh this coming Cheat Day and decide if I even deserve a Cheat MEAL but I know that for sure I do not deserve a Cheat Day. I must be in tip top shape and appearance for the day of Bobby Cheese's wedding so I will fast and abstain from alcohol consumption. Please understand friends. I will be back after September 22nd at the latest. Cheat Day will not leave forever. Take care of yourselves in order to take care of each other. Also, eat like your life depended on it.

ELE,
Zach

Cheese Day. Don't Care.

Yum a Dummy Do Cheaters! It is I Zach FARTILIUS Finch! Talkin' once again about CHEAT fuggin' DAY. I am back to sub-260 and I NEVER want to go above that ever the FUCK again! So gimme a "holla atcha boy" in the comments if you agree! OR DON'T Fuck it, what do I care. Ya'll are just here to live vicariously through a gluten and I love you for that!

I did it guys! I had a great week of Slow Carbs and I lost some poundage. I also did a lot of biking and walking on top of that. I intend on increasing my work out routine further and I will let you know how that goes next week. But I biked my DICK OFF let me tell you. And for those of you who bike, you know the exact feeling I'm talking about. And for those of you without dicks or don't bike or both I will describe it to you. Sometimes you bike SO MUCH that the narrow and HARD seat you are sitting on is CRAMMED deep into your taint and makes your junk fall asleep. Ya know, has your foot ever fallen asleep from you sitting on it? It's like that, but in your dick!

"WHERE DID YOU EAT YOU NASTY FREAK?!"

Ah jeez, my dick bit made you hungry eh? Well, I'll get right to it. I didn't make too strong of a plan for this Cheat Day as my lovely lady Liz was not to be joining me. So, we woke up and ate a rather usual breakfast: Eggs and Bacon, only this time we added CHEESE to everything. I also ate left over chips from an impromptu game night which I topped with, YOU GUESSED IT, CHEESE! Dem GOT DAMNED Henning's Wisconsin Cheese Curds at that. GOT DAMN that's good cheese.

Chooch Chat Episode 84

I then went to record an episode of my podcast, Chooch Chat, with Tony Giamichael of the Rock and Roll outfit Man Called Noon. On the way to his place I picked up an 8 pack of Guinness pints. I left only two in the Mom's Studio fridge when all was said and done. Beer is a truly yearn-able beverage on this slow carb diet. For a guy like me to limit himself to one day of beer per week is quite a feat. So I LEANED into it. I had 6 pints of Guinness, 2 Ayingers, and 2 Busch Lights while at Mom's Studios. I know, the quality really drops off there, but HEY that's 8 pretty heavy beers, all while I was at Mom's Studio doing the podcast and I was still standing and ready for more! I also ate MORE cheese there, a delicious assortment of Trader Joe's fancy cheeses. I guess we'll call this one CHEESE Day. Don't Care...

After that Tony and I went to Nick's on Wilson where our friend, Nick Taylor, was working. Nick's on Wilson is JUST a bar, no food. I'd call it a dive bar, but Tony thinks it's too nice...stupid idiot! I knew before I was gonna drink anymore I needed SOMEthing to eat. So we went into the adjacent 7-Eleven where I got a small Italian sub and 4 taquitos. FLAVORS?! 2 Jalapeno and Cream Cheese and 2 Taco and Cheese. The 7-Eleven taquito is one of my all time favorite guilty pleasure foods. I'll gladly waste some Cheat Day gut space on those bad boys.

Once in Nick's I enjoyed 3 more beers, 3 Floyd's Alpha King on tap. Delicious. Nick also made Tony and I a special shot which he called a rainbow water slide. VERY fruity. I'm pretty sure Nick just used all of the Stoli flavored vodkas for it. It was nearing the end of my Cheat Day when I left Nick's bar and I wasn't entirely satisfied with my choices. But then, I met back up with Liz and She. Changed. Everything.

Neither of us wanted to do much with our Saturday evening so we made our way to our local bodega for some snacks to nosh on while watching a movie. My choice was nachos and a burrito from a local Mexican joint, FUCK bodega snacks, those are for suckers. And as we approached the bodega we saw a bright shiny idea bulb in the form of the new local corner bar to our neighborhood: Wolcott Tap!

We went in and I CONTINUED to drink beer! I ordered 2 Half-Acre Daisycutters and a Hamms. The Hamms was only $3 on tap, not too shabby a price. While there we also made the bold decision to ORDER FUCKING FOOD. I did it! I hit up a new local spot! A Cheat Day NECESSITY, so I am glad this turn of events took place. They had a good bar menu! And, though a bit pricey, delicious food. I ordered a Cheesesteak with Fries and Liz ordered the Cubano. Their Cheesesteak and Cubanos were a bit different but delicious none the less. See they hollow out these strange delicious rolls that are nice and crispy and buttery, yum a dum dum, and then they stuff those rolls with delicious fillings, the likes of which you'd find on a cheesesteak or in a cubano. I was nervous the sandwiches would fall apart easily, but quite the contrary! They held together exquisitely. The fries, though not my usual preference were quite good and unique. I give it a solid point and pump. It's going to be great because it is super close too!

To cap it all off I got some Cherry Coke (the king of sodas) at that bodega afterwards and made some whiskey-cokes. I woke up this morning with a horrible stomach ache. I guess cheat day was a huge success. Don't forget everyone: Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depended on it.

ELE
Zach