Happy ThanksCheating Everyone

Gobble gobble gobble, bustin' azz CHEATERS! Did you have a terrific turkey day? Are you absolutely sick of frickin' talkin' about it?! ARE YOU TOTALLY OVER THE HAULIDAZE ALREADY?! Well ME TOO! But you HAVE to participate! Otherwise, it's TWICE as depressing! There's plenty of time to get depressed in January, February and March. April and part of May if you're in Chicago. 

There is one thing the holidays are good for though, isn't there? That's right...CHEATIN'. Now, to pull back the curtain for you, Cheat Day is actually every Saturday. I release this blog whenever I damn well feel like it. THANKSGIVING fell on a Thursday this year so I had to give it the ol'switcheroo. 

Here I am, Cheatin' again just 5 days after my last cheat fest. A WHOLE TWO DAYS EARLY! Have I died and gone to heaven?! This lasagna for breakfast points to YES!

This lasagna was ordered by mia madre from Demetrios Pizza and Grill by the Sarasota airport the night before. The night before Thanksgiving not being Cheat Day and all, I had to order something they called the Aphrodite bowl, which was a bowl of quinoa with roasted red peppers, tomato, cucumber, beats, gyro meat and tzatziki sauce. Not bad TBH, but it did not compare to this lasagna. Pasta for breakfast?! I'm thankful for THAT!

 

I got up to my aunt's place in the early afternoon and got right down to snackalackin'. Pretzels, pimento pub cheese, dill dip, french onion dip, crackers, SUGAR COATED CRANBERRIES! GOBBLE.GOBBLE.

We played a gin rummy variation called 5 crowns which included an extra suit, the suit of STARS. It was fun. I crushed beers (Coors Light and Mich Ultra) and Jameson Cold Brew after I popped a pot gummy. Ask me if I won the game. Go ahead, ask me! 

*sigh* "FartPinch, did you win the ga-"

NO! You IDIOTS I was TOASTED. I didn't win. I nearly LOST! Shortly after my brutal and embarrassing defeat however, was YOUR Point AND Pump OF THE CHEAT DAY!!!! *trumpet noise* "BUM BUH-BUH-BUM!" The THANKSGIVING FEAST. 

The point of contention surrounding Thanksgiving in particular is that no one likes turkey. There's a right way to do turkey (infrared heating egg after it had been injected with cajun season butter juice). At this feast it was not done entirely the right way, however it WAS good and I happen to be one of the few who likes turkey...at least as a vessel for gravy...because I LOVE gravy. Long story short, here are the dishes at FartPinch's Thanksgiving feast ranked worst to best:

7. Turkey - Just because it ranks worst, doesn't mean I don't like it. 

6. Cranberry Sauce - This is the best cranberry sauce I've ever had...and it's still this far back, so take that for what it's worth.

5. Mashed Potatoes - Standard, a beloved standard.

4. Warm Rolls - Great for dippin' into ANYTHING

3. Green Bean Casserole - I've really come around on this weird T-givs staple in recent years.

2. Gravy - "You doctors have been telling us to drink 8 glasses of gravy a day."

1. Stuffing - Not just any stuffing - "Corn bread and hot sausage stuffing" MOTHER OF GOD

OBVIOUSLY there's dessert. There was pumpkin pie... WHY?! I skipped that and went straight for the deliciously moist and glazed chocolate bunt cake. It was bomb as hell and a great way to cap off an actually outstanding ThanksCheating meal. Especially since I share most people's sentiment. The Thanksgiving meal in general is nothing to write home about and so often easily FUDGED ALL TO HECK. 

I jump into my aunts chilly pool during and oddly chilled Florida evening to shock my system back into go time. When it was all said and done, me and my crew limped home singing Christmas carols the whole GOSH DARN WAY. Tis the season now. Strap in. For on January 2nd it will be nothing but cold and darkness!

No measurement this week, it wouldn't be fair to my ever fluctuating body. Take care of yourselves. Taken care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach

Bread and Cheese....CHEESE and Bread

DA FUQ is up BUSTIN' Azz Cheaters. It's on now! Another full fledged Cheat DAY comin' down yer pie holes! I'm holding steady at my current size. I'm fixin' to blame that on the Holidays. THERE! I said it! It's the holidays. So BASICALLY I'm Cheatin' to simply MAINTAIN the physical FATNESS I've achieved over the last 4 months. Come along and enjoy the last Cheat Day before the biggest Cheat Day in all of AMERICA...Thanksgiving!

The night before Cheat Day was a real PIECE OF POOP. At least THREE creatures stirred the whole night throughP. Yours truly completely ruined the night before Cheat Day by discovering he bought the wrong tickets to the wrong show on the wrong night. So, needless to say I was ready to MESS some Cheat Food up! My first stop is Sub Rosa, the brick oven bakery once visited in a former Cheat Day. YES it deserves a re-visit and I HOPE I POINT AND PUMP! I do, of course, but it doesn't get this week's official point and pump.

I scarf down a deliciously flakey and fluffy, yet standard, salami and cheese croissant, another delectable Turkish hot pocket, a zesty fig and cheese flakey fuqer, and THE WINNER - a seasonal cheese and green Turkish pepper croissant! I'd go back every Cheat Day if I could afford it and if I was in Richmond all the time. 

This simply isn't enough. I have to have MORE bread and cheese on Cheat Day. GRILLED CHEESE IT IS. So, my next stop is Trader Joe's because they have a nice cheap cheese selection. Trader Joe's is hell on earth on a weekend. Any of ya'll know what I'm talking about? I can't even remember what all I ended up with after I leave, because I spend most of my time dodging yuppies who like to stare into their phones while they shop and carry around a toy dog in one hand while haphazardly pushing their cart with the other. 

All I DO know, is I manage some ingredients for grilled cheese. You haven't had to wait long, the POINT and PUMP of the WEEK IS HERE with the GRILLED CHEESE alla FartPinch. It's Trader Joe's Cheddar, some kind of spicy Montery pepper jack, salami, a loaf of sour dough and salty Irish Butter. Simple melty ooey gooey cheesey goodness.

Oh yeah, why not enjoy a nice piece of buttered toast while I wait?! C'mon! We're talkin' bread and cheese OVER HERE! Plus aa decent, AFFORDABLE Pilsner from the Trader Joe's collection: Simpler Times. This calms the jangled nerves for last night's faux pas.

Also, while we're out, we snag some new Nightingale's Ice Cream Sandwich flavors from Perk! Cafe. I chase my cheese sandwich with a few different samplings of ice cream sandwich. Here are the new (to me) flavors in order from best to worst:

1. Chocolate Covered Orange - Pretty self explanatory, but dipped in chocolate, it has a special place in my heart.

2. Candy Bag - Halloween season's offering featuring M&M ice cream inside.

3. Red Velvet Cheesecake - Pretty good considering I fear any food with the word 'Cheesecake' in it.

4. Chocolate Peppermint Bark - SHOULD HAVE WON IT ALL! But, was SUCH a disappointment I am putting it dead last. 

NOW! After trying to work in a little exercise, #bufflikeme, It's time to go the the show I end up having SIX extra god damn tickets for! I paid for a little extra elbow room, and it was...kinda worth it, TBH. But, before that I enjoy some pretty alright and unique pizza (Cheese and Bread) and some Gluhwein (From Trader Joe's) with some good friends. 

My friend gets three pizzas from the best local joint in town, Galley Pizza's ranked from best to worst:

1. Salami with Fig Sauce - Zesty, a HINT of sweet in that fig sauce, unique, delicious.

2. Standard Pepperoni Detroit Style (Good bread makes for good Detroit Style)

3. Grape and gorgonzola - A weird Richmond combination that is okay for a slice, but I definitely don't want a second once I'm done...and THAT'S sayin' something folks!

At the show I knock back a few Miller Lites and a Hardywood Pilsner. I'm a Pilsner man, what can I say?! The show cleansed my soul and all the bad feelings I'd been feeling were washed away. Thanks again Tim Barry

And NOW! For the moment NONE OF YOU were waiting on. The WEIGH IN!

NIPS: 46.06 (DOWN 4/5ths of an INCH - SUCK ON THAT Holidays!)
BELLY: 43.13 (DOWN 1/4 of an INCH - suck on it some more HALLOWEEN!)
HIPS: 42.13 (UP 1/8th of an INCH - JUICY)

Welp, it's good to be back on another Cheat Day. Look out next week for my FAN TASTIC Thanksgiving Cheat Day!

Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch OutMyButt

The POWERFUL Rooster and the SUDIOUS Owl

Hey there CHEATERS! Welcome back to Cheat Day. Don't Care. The blog where I fill you in on my gluttonous escapades during my wander to weight loss. This one is another short meander to a delicious and delightful cheat meal that really is not too terribly Cheat Worthy. But, it's just another example of why this diet can be delicious AND nutritious. So, thank you. 

Cheat Day started a little rocky, with a hard nosed BACK AND BICEPS workout bright and early to get it started. You see, health isn't all about diet, it's about fitness as well. I tossed weights around for about an hour, trying to get #bufflikeme while also prepping my TOIGHT BOD for a carbo overload. 

However, the carbo overload never came...it NEVER CAME! For breakfast I ate an apple...some carbs. On my way to play some drums and then some basketball (MORE ACTIVITY) I treated myself to some taquitos from a 7-ELEVEN when I stopped for gas. I popped an old take 5 bar left around from Halloween. This is mere child's play compared to Cheat Days PAST!

I did knock back a beer though, the Heavenly Trip by the Devil's Backbone Brewery. It was a real nice mild IPA to just take that mid-day edge off!

Finally I'm gearing up for my Cheat Meal. I've been to this restaurant a time or two before. It's bomb. It's a little pretentious. BUT they try REAL hard not to come off that way and I appreciate the effort. It's a $75 a seat prix fixe menu that changes with the seasons, or maybe even monthly. The name?! Rooster and Owl. It's in DC and it is delicious. 

It's courses based. The drink I got was the Farm Girl Fall, which is just ME ALL OVER! I'm a girl, I was raised on a farm...ette, and it is in fact fall. It is Catoctin Creek Rye, pumpkin spice, lemon and walnut liquor. It really hits the spot to start the meal.

Pretty soon the very cohesive wait staff brings out the rolls. They CRUSH. If they just kept bringing me those rolls I'd have been just as happy as I was with what is about to happen. Each course has 4 options. We have 8 people at our table. So we do...one of each! I HATE sharing, but this is too perfect. 

Course 1

BRUSSELS SPROUTS CAESAR Asian pear | aged cheddar | pepitas (gf, v) - WINNER!

KAMPACHI Purple daikon | pecan | calamansi (gf)

GALETTE Pixie-Crunch | Guanciale | brie

FOIE GRAS concord grape | hazelnut butter | pullman loaf

Course 2

AUTUMN MUSHROOMS harissa | honeynut squash (gf, v)

PANZANELLA PEI Mussels | escabeche | sourdough - SAUCE IS WINNER

POTATO GNOCCHI Yukon Gold | uni | grilled scallion

MEATBALLS buttermilk | polenta | mustard cream - MAIN INGREDIENT IS WINNER

Course 3

POTATO PAVE | toum | charred broccoli | tapenade (v) - MAYBE THE BEST POTATO DISH I'VE HAD

SCALLOPS cilantro | coconut-carrot curry | forbidden rice (gf)

PAPPARDELLE duck sausage | roma tomatoes | honey ricotta

HANGER STEAK Tokyo turnip | spinach | fermented soy bean - WINNER...duh

Course 4 - Dessert

MAPLE SPONGE Dulcey white chocolate | sage | butternut squash

APPLE FINANCIER parsnip | cinnamon | cider | almond (v) WINNER - PARSNIP ICE CREAM IS INTERESTING AND DELICIOUS

CHEESECAKE goat cheese | fig | honey (v) - TERRIBLE (and the only thing I can say that about)

CHOCOLATE CREMEUX cardamom | praline | coffee

So there ya go! a MILD Cheat Day! And, because I FUCKED OFF the previous two weeks my weigh ins aren't what they could be. Here ya go:

TITS: 46.875 (a negligible .75 inch increase)
BELLY: 43.375 (a WEAK .5 inch increase)
HIPS: 42 (an ODD .25 inch decrease)

So I lost a bit of the dadonk-a-donk but gained chest and gut. I love you all! Pics are coming soon. HOT SEXY PICS.

Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach

Cheat Meal Epic FAIL

Is "epic fail" even still a thing anymore or is that SO 2014?! AMIRITE?!!!! I'll tell you how it IS still a thing, cause I flat out failed in epic proportions this Cheat Day! I was SUPPOSED to eat just one Cheat Meal this Cheat Day, but I couldn't do it....YA KNOW WHY?! Cause of BEER FEST!!!! 

D.C. was doing Beer Fest in the Nationals Park and it was just a Be-YOU-Teeful DAY. Beer Fest was crowded AF and HORRIBLY setup. All of the booths were packed into one corner is what it felt like when you first walk into the joint. Lines were all weaving around one another and they were getting to be about 20-30 minutes long. With just a tiny little taster cup, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO EVEN GET A BUZZ ON?!

Undaunted I explored further. I traversed the stairs to the upper deck patio which promised to have more alcoholic offerings. SUCCESS. Before I know it I'm knocking back beer after beer taking a break only to wait in line for MORE BEER. The beer of the day was actually a cider from the cidery in Watkins Glen, NY called Graft Cidery. It was a Tropical Mimosa Cider called Lost Tropic and it was crisp and refreshing on a bright sunny day in D.C., eerily placed in the beginning of November.

By the time last call came around I was stumblin bumblin drunk and I was VERY easily convinced to go to an outdoor beer garden nearby called The Brig where I had MORE BEER (a pilsner), some pretzel, fries and nachos. So much for Cheat Meal. Welcome to Cheat Day. The Brig is the tits, if you find yourself in WARSHINGTON D.C. and you like German Beer check it out.

Next things next I've got tickets to the GAUL DERN Washington Capitals game. Before getting into the stadium I end up in a bar and order a bunch more beers cause I had DRINK TICKETS! Then, hockey games are SO FREAKIN FUN I had to get two more beers. And beers in stadiums are actually TWO BEERS. You can't just order one beer! It's two beers, so I had four more beers! It was nuts! 

Now, I'm REAL drunk after a day of ALL beer and a few carbs so what am I EASILY convinced of next? The most delicious ramen in the city at Daikaya. AND, what do I EASILY convince my dumb drunk ass to order?! The spiciest GOD DAMN soup on the GOSH DARN MENU, aptly titled Super Spicy Shoyu. 

Super Spicy IT WAS. I couldn't finish it. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom TWICE to cough it out as I tried to not make a GERMAN spectacle of myself in the restaurant making people think I was HIGH on Covid up in there! I failed at that obviously, so I took the rest to go and finished it in the comfort of my home base, coughing my whole way through it. POINTcoughANDcoughPUMP.

There was no "weigh in" this week because I was supposed to skip the Cheat Day, SO SUE ME! LOOK GOOD FEEL GOOD THOUGH. And check out this Halloween Costume:

That's right, I look good, I feel good and that is what matters! Some day soon I will be looking my best and feeling great and you will HATE my social media. That being said, I suggest you follow now: @fartpinchoutmybutt You read that right folks @fartpinchoutmybutt

Take care of yourselves, take care or each other, eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach

Ay Caramba McRib No Me Gusta

Effin H Cheaters. Even when Cheat Day ain’t much fun it’s the BEST day of the week. You know what I ended up having to do this Cheat Day? DO ya?! Well?! I had to WORK! Like what the HECK?!

It wasn’t terrible though cause there was Halloween Candy and store bought cookies. I ate em all up until I had me a lil’tummy ache. On my way to work?! Taco Bell Breakfast, that’s right! This time I did myself a favor and just ordered three items, rather than FIVE. Breakfast Crunchwrap, OBVIOUSLY, a so-so breakfast burrito and a Cheesy Bean and Rice burrito - my current staple. It really set me in the right mood for a working Cheat Day.

Like a true working stiff I chugged a Bud Light after I got back to home base before meeting a few folks at a Richmond Brewery, Final Gravity. It’s a staple brewery as well which normally serves a VARIETY of pretty darn good beers. 

Once sufficiently Cheat Day buzzed, the fastest gun and I went on a mission to find this week’s point and pump. It was a BEAUTIFUL day so we were in search for a patio. We set our hopes on the roof of the Quirk Hotel in Downtown VCU. We waltzed into joint like the two smartest boys in the world and asked the concierge to head up to the rooftop. Ya know what she says?!

“Sorry, it’s closed, we were told it’s too chilly up there.”

“TOO CHILLY?! Have you been outside?! In the sun it’s practically perfect!” I yell at her before remembering she’s just at work and she doesn’t know it’s Cheat Day. After quickly calming down The fastest gun and I decide to grab a quick cocktail at the bar. 

Quirks Old Fashioned is a tasty take on the classic and the fastest gun’s rosé and gin spritzer drink is the perfect fit for the beautiful sunny day. Why not get one more in before winter sets in, right?

With the sun setting and still now point and pump in my gut we find our go to, MEXICAN FOOD. There’s a place we’ve never been down town, called Ay Caramba. It’s got good ratings and it’s a Bart Simpson catch phrase so let’s see what they got. 

There’s a Quincinera taking up the whole restaurant. Does this deter us?! HELL NO! I push a little kid to the ground on my march up to the counter. The timid employee asks that I go have a seat in the adult section over at the bar. So that's what I do. 

I house a house margarita in about two gulps and sling the empty glass behind me knocking a kid smack in the head rendering her unconscious. The bartender is quaking like it's the old west and I order up a cerveza rapidamenté. 

Pretty soon our dishes arrive. They screw up the fastest gun's but they don't charge him for it. Classy. Mine? Get's the GOT DANG point and pump of the week. A Chicken Chimichanga fight be the cheatinest thing on a VERY Cheat friendly menu and it DOES NOT disappoint. It's deep fried shell is flaky and crisp. It's INARDS are soft and zesty. I could eat another one RIGHT NOW!

Finally satisfied and tired from the work day/work week I had to head home. But wait?! What was for dessert?! I had to snag myself a FAT Banana from Nightingales on the way. PLUS to complete an ongoing poll and discussion in my poker group’s text thread I had to stop and grab…

That’s right, a Mc-Fuggin-Rib. Now, I’m not a McRib fan. In fact, before this Cheat Day I could probably count on one finger the amount of McRibs I’ve had. But the shear volume and madness surrounding it’s re-DONK-ulous marketing campaigns roped me back in. And, YES, I include the praise vs. vitriol word of mouth in-fighting as a PART of their marketing scheme. It is not unlike the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich word of mouth craze of 2019. 

So, I eat the piece of gym mat, covered in sauce and slapped between a split stale roll, and if you take a good look at my picture I think you can see and tell I’m not having a great time. As a real good buddy of mine put it: “it’s middle school lunch.”

To wash the gnarly taste out of my mouth I helped myself to about 3 house pours of Buffalo Trace and 6 Miller Lites. Finally, the cherry on top. The thing that really cleanses the palate. A nice FAT banana down the old pie hole!

Although quite busy for much of the day, that’s what I call a success! Not to mention my weigh in looks good! CHECK IT!

NIPS - 46.125 (A small BUSTY increase of .375 inches)

BELLY - 42.875 (A DECREASE of .375 inches, KEEP IT COMING.)

HIPS - 42.25 (A decrease of .25 inches) 

So, I’ve got a trip this week. So my usual weekly good behavior might be a little bit lacking. It’s looking like my next Cheat Day will just be another Cheat Meal, so…DEAL WITH IT! I’ll keep trying though. Keep plugging along. 

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,

Zach