Gobble gobble gobble, bustin' azz CHEATERS! Did you have a terrific turkey day? Are you absolutely sick of frickin' talkin' about it?! ARE YOU TOTALLY OVER THE HAULIDAZE ALREADY?! Well ME TOO! But you HAVE to participate! Otherwise, it's TWICE as depressing! There's plenty of time to get depressed in January, February and March. April and part of May if you're in Chicago.
There is one thing the holidays are good for though, isn't there? That's right...CHEATIN'. Now, to pull back the curtain for you, Cheat Day is actually every Saturday. I release this blog whenever I damn well feel like it. THANKSGIVING fell on a Thursday this year so I had to give it the ol'switcheroo.
Here I am, Cheatin' again just 5 days after my last cheat fest. A WHOLE TWO DAYS EARLY! Have I died and gone to heaven?! This lasagna for breakfast points to YES!
This lasagna was ordered by mia madre from Demetrios Pizza and Grill by the Sarasota airport the night before. The night before Thanksgiving not being Cheat Day and all, I had to order something they called the Aphrodite bowl, which was a bowl of quinoa with roasted red peppers, tomato, cucumber, beats, gyro meat and tzatziki sauce. Not bad TBH, but it did not compare to this lasagna. Pasta for breakfast?! I'm thankful for THAT!
I got up to my aunt's place in the early afternoon and got right down to snackalackin'. Pretzels, pimento pub cheese, dill dip, french onion dip, crackers, SUGAR COATED CRANBERRIES! GOBBLE.GOBBLE.
We played a gin rummy variation called 5 crowns which included an extra suit, the suit of STARS. It was fun. I crushed beers (Coors Light and Mich Ultra) and Jameson Cold Brew after I popped a pot gummy. Ask me if I won the game. Go ahead, ask me!
*sigh* "FartPinch, did you win the ga-"
NO! You IDIOTS I was TOASTED. I didn't win. I nearly LOST! Shortly after my brutal and embarrassing defeat however, was YOUR Point AND Pump OF THE CHEAT DAY!!!! *trumpet noise* "BUM BUH-BUH-BUM!" The THANKSGIVING FEAST.
The point of contention surrounding Thanksgiving in particular is that no one likes turkey. There's a right way to do turkey (infrared heating egg after it had been injected with cajun season butter juice). At this feast it was not done entirely the right way, however it WAS good and I happen to be one of the few who likes turkey...at least as a vessel for gravy...because I LOVE gravy. Long story short, here are the dishes at FartPinch's Thanksgiving feast ranked worst to best:
7. Turkey - Just because it ranks worst, doesn't mean I don't like it.
6. Cranberry Sauce - This is the best cranberry sauce I've ever had...and it's still this far back, so take that for what it's worth.
5. Mashed Potatoes - Standard, a beloved standard.
4. Warm Rolls - Great for dippin' into ANYTHING
3. Green Bean Casserole - I've really come around on this weird T-givs staple in recent years.
2. Gravy - "You doctors have been telling us to drink 8 glasses of gravy a day."
1. Stuffing - Not just any stuffing - "Corn bread and hot sausage stuffing" MOTHER OF GOD
OBVIOUSLY there's dessert. There was pumpkin pie... WHY?! I skipped that and went straight for the deliciously moist and glazed chocolate bunt cake. It was bomb as hell and a great way to cap off an actually outstanding ThanksCheating meal. Especially since I share most people's sentiment. The Thanksgiving meal in general is nothing to write home about and so often easily FUDGED ALL TO HECK.
I jump into my aunts chilly pool during and oddly chilled Florida evening to shock my system back into go time. When it was all said and done, me and my crew limped home singing Christmas carols the whole GOSH DARN WAY. Tis the season now. Strap in. For on January 2nd it will be nothing but cold and darkness!
No measurement this week, it wouldn't be fair to my ever fluctuating body. Take care of yourselves. Taken care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.
ELE,
Zach
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