New Year New Cheat!

HAPPY NEW YEAR Cheaters! How them resolutions treating ya? You GIVE UP YET!? Not me. I'm still dieting and I'm STILL Cheating. That's right Holidays are done and I'm back to torturing myself for a fit bod and your entertainment! YES I'm fatter after the last two - three weeks, SO WHAT?! It's gonna melt right back off of me like butter in the microwave thanks to my very strict diet.

 

Is it a resolution? NO EFFIN WAY! It's a lifestyle! This Cheat Day I was left up to my own devices and I had a grrrrrEAT time doing it!

I shook myself awake and stomped into the kitchen like a hungry giant. FEE FIE FO FUM! An English Muffin? Well I might have to eat me some! I poured sugar in my coffee. I munched on a gosh darn delicious Aldi cookie wafer thing. I started slicing and eating some cheddar cheese! For the main course: I made an at home McMuffin using this little mini breakfast sandwich maker and for breakfast dessert? I covered an English muffin in Marmalade, just like Paddington. 

 

Sugar coma anyone?! 

 

After shaking myself out of that stupor I ran some Cheat Day errands, which included whipping my body into shape with a hardcore weight lift SESH #bufflikeme.

GIMME THE FOOD DOOD! Flash forward to 3pm. Linner Time. I sit down in front of the TV with one of my all time favorite dishes: A Chicken Queso Burrito with a side of Chips and BOWL of Queso Diablo from Qdoba. Qdoba > Chipotle. That's Cheat Day baby. Queso Burrito built to perfection: Flour tortilla, white rice, black beans, chicken, EXTRA queso, pico, hot sauce, CHEESE and that's it. GOT IT?! It is heavenly. Back in college I'd get two at a time, but now I'm an older, slimmer man. So instead I just ate one...AND AN ENTIRE BAG OF CHIPS AND BOWL OF QUESO!

 

Game time! Not one, but TWO of my favorite sports teams have televised sporting events and they each CRUISE through their games. It's a lot of fun. Toward the end I think to myself....What the hell else will I eat on Cheat Day before it is too late?! I guess I'll run to Wawa or something just to bring it home and wrap it up. 

                                 

While I wait for games to end I treat myself to white fudge covered Oreos and mini peppermint ice cream sandwiches...and...yes...more cheese. THEN! Just when I was fixin' to haul my stuffed and tired ass down to Wawa an angel walks through the door. The SlumLord Millionaire gets home from a pizza date with leftovers. 

Instead of Wawa I house two slices of cheese pizza and a leftover fried chicken breast from Publix. Then, it's time to polish it off with a Snickers. Hungry? Not at all. But I'll still grab a Snickers any friggin' way.

New Year New Me Busters! So, I've implemented a weigh in! New Deets below:

Weight: 242LBS
NIPS: 45.5 inches around (SMALLER than pre-holidays by .75 inches!!!)
BELLY: 43 inches around (THERE IT IS....75 inches LARGER...)
HIPS: 42.75 inches around (LARGER by 1.25 inches...now that's one FAT ASS)

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch

Bread and Cheese....CHEESE and Bread

DA FUQ is up BUSTIN' Azz Cheaters. It's on now! Another full fledged Cheat DAY comin' down yer pie holes! I'm holding steady at my current size. I'm fixin' to blame that on the Holidays. THERE! I said it! It's the holidays. So BASICALLY I'm Cheatin' to simply MAINTAIN the physical FATNESS I've achieved over the last 4 months. Come along and enjoy the last Cheat Day before the biggest Cheat Day in all of AMERICA...Thanksgiving!

The night before Cheat Day was a real PIECE OF POOP. At least THREE creatures stirred the whole night throughP. Yours truly completely ruined the night before Cheat Day by discovering he bought the wrong tickets to the wrong show on the wrong night. So, needless to say I was ready to MESS some Cheat Food up! My first stop is Sub Rosa, the brick oven bakery once visited in a former Cheat Day. YES it deserves a re-visit and I HOPE I POINT AND PUMP! I do, of course, but it doesn't get this week's official point and pump.

I scarf down a deliciously flakey and fluffy, yet standard, salami and cheese croissant, another delectable Turkish hot pocket, a zesty fig and cheese flakey fuqer, and THE WINNER - a seasonal cheese and green Turkish pepper croissant! I'd go back every Cheat Day if I could afford it and if I was in Richmond all the time. 

This simply isn't enough. I have to have MORE bread and cheese on Cheat Day. GRILLED CHEESE IT IS. So, my next stop is Trader Joe's because they have a nice cheap cheese selection. Trader Joe's is hell on earth on a weekend. Any of ya'll know what I'm talking about? I can't even remember what all I ended up with after I leave, because I spend most of my time dodging yuppies who like to stare into their phones while they shop and carry around a toy dog in one hand while haphazardly pushing their cart with the other. 

All I DO know, is I manage some ingredients for grilled cheese. You haven't had to wait long, the POINT and PUMP of the WEEK IS HERE with the GRILLED CHEESE alla FartPinch. It's Trader Joe's Cheddar, some kind of spicy Montery pepper jack, salami, a loaf of sour dough and salty Irish Butter. Simple melty ooey gooey cheesey goodness.

Oh yeah, why not enjoy a nice piece of buttered toast while I wait?! C'mon! We're talkin' bread and cheese OVER HERE! Plus aa decent, AFFORDABLE Pilsner from the Trader Joe's collection: Simpler Times. This calms the jangled nerves for last night's faux pas.

Also, while we're out, we snag some new Nightingale's Ice Cream Sandwich flavors from Perk! Cafe. I chase my cheese sandwich with a few different samplings of ice cream sandwich. Here are the new (to me) flavors in order from best to worst:

1. Chocolate Covered Orange - Pretty self explanatory, but dipped in chocolate, it has a special place in my heart.

2. Candy Bag - Halloween season's offering featuring M&M ice cream inside.

3. Red Velvet Cheesecake - Pretty good considering I fear any food with the word 'Cheesecake' in it.

4. Chocolate Peppermint Bark - SHOULD HAVE WON IT ALL! But, was SUCH a disappointment I am putting it dead last. 

NOW! After trying to work in a little exercise, #bufflikeme, It's time to go the the show I end up having SIX extra god damn tickets for! I paid for a little extra elbow room, and it was...kinda worth it, TBH. But, before that I enjoy some pretty alright and unique pizza (Cheese and Bread) and some Gluhwein (From Trader Joe's) with some good friends. 

My friend gets three pizzas from the best local joint in town, Galley Pizza's ranked from best to worst:

1. Salami with Fig Sauce - Zesty, a HINT of sweet in that fig sauce, unique, delicious.

2. Standard Pepperoni Detroit Style (Good bread makes for good Detroit Style)

3. Grape and gorgonzola - A weird Richmond combination that is okay for a slice, but I definitely don't want a second once I'm done...and THAT'S sayin' something folks!

At the show I knock back a few Miller Lites and a Hardywood Pilsner. I'm a Pilsner man, what can I say?! The show cleansed my soul and all the bad feelings I'd been feeling were washed away. Thanks again Tim Barry

And NOW! For the moment NONE OF YOU were waiting on. The WEIGH IN!

NIPS: 46.06 (DOWN 4/5ths of an INCH - SUCK ON THAT Holidays!)
BELLY: 43.13 (DOWN 1/4 of an INCH - suck on it some more HALLOWEEN!)
HIPS: 42.13 (UP 1/8th of an INCH - JUICY)

Welp, it's good to be back on another Cheat Day. Look out next week for my FAN TASTIC Thanksgiving Cheat Day!

Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch OutMyButt