How About Those CHEATS (Chiefs)

Happy Divisional Round of the NFL Playoffs Cheat Day Cheat and Football Fans! Also, I am into week three of Dry January so pat me on the GAUL DERN back for that would ya! Three weeks and holding strong. YES, even during Cheat Day and YES even during big football games. PAT ME ON THE BACK I SAID!

So, it now being the year of the Rabbit, I ate a bunch of bunnies. I'm KIDDING! I'm not Lennie, but I have played him on the stage! SINCE we have crossed the lunar new year into the year of the Rabbit I have become MAGICALLY more conscious of my finances. What does THIS mean? I skimped a little bit on what I bought this Cheat Day.

Lucky for me I had a ton of left overs at my house from when I last went Cheat Day grocery shopping. So after crushing my weigh in and measure off I went to Cheat Town, AKA My Kitchen! I scarfed one homemade McMuffin with Aldi brand English Muffins, a VERY expensive egg, some delicious Irish butter and a bunch of Wal-Mart shredded cheese. Thrifty. I also went ahead and ate a separate English muffin with just butter and cheese and finally a THIRD English muffin (they were going bad, had to finish 'em) with MARMALADE. I will become Paddington. 

Thoroughly stuffed past from this I decided I would just eat three or four white fudge covered Oreos instead of the rest of the box. I also demolished those crazy good fudgy marshmallowy wafer cookies called Knoppers from Aldi. I had two left and they go GOT DANG PERFECT with coffee. 

In danger of sliding into a sugar coma I quickly worked out while I watched the terrible terrible Kansas Jayhawks Men's Basketball team get destroyed by the usually terrible TCU Horned Frogs. I was trying to get all my stuff done quickly for there was an all important FOOSball game in the evening. The LORD'S team, the Kansas City Chiefs, had to smack around the JAGS of Jacksonville, Florida and I had to be ready to watch them do it with a bucket of fried chicken on which I could gorge myself.

The prime bucket of choice you ask?! By god! Why it's Lee's Famous Recipe Fried Chicken of course! There's only one location in all of Richmond and it is BANGIN'. I'm a gentleman, and I have invited several BIG eaters over for the game so I buy enough for everybody. This means, of course I'll be snacking on the deliciousness for the rest of the day. I get a 16 piece family meal that comes with 8 biscuits and 4 sides. I choose mac and cheese and mashed potatoes and gravy (OF COURSE) followed by some green beans and hot apples (which I could eat the next day if need be). 

On my way out of the restaurant I snag a couple of each of their CRAZY sauce selection. It's Cheat Day and I'ma havta try'm all! Here they are, ranked:

1. Buffalo
2. Bonzai
3. Chipotle Ranch
4. BBQ
5. Jalapeno Ranch
6. Honey Mustard

The whole meal was simply breath taking and it did last me and my boys several rounds like it was some kind of fried chicken buffet. Perfect! The Chiefs did their thing, which is TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS and after they did we went out for some ice cream, cause that's the kind of thing we used to do when we didn't drink. 

This time the ice cream of choice was Gelati Celesti where apparently a children's ho down had just let out nearby because it was slammed with little rich white kids dressed to the nines in their barnyard's finest. I asked me mates, "Why in the hell are there so many children here?"

To which they replied, "Yeah, who would have thought there'd be so many kids at an ice cream parlor on a Saturday night at 7:30PM." And right then and there I knew they were getting my goat. They were calling me out for being a rube and I didn't take too kindly to that. So, I started a real RUCKUS in Gelati Celesti. I started yanking kids' ice creams out of their hands and shoving them right in their little faces and onto their cowboy hats, down the backs of their shirts. I growled and sneered and chased them all out of my way so I could order and enjoy my iced cream in peace!

Finally one of the teens behind the case addressed me with as sir, with a snide tone, and asked what I will be enjoying this evening. I told her, "well, I don't have the where with all to choose what with these children running amock, hootin' and hollerin,' dancin' their line dances and such." So I made a split decision, and I must say it was a good'n. I said, "gimme a scoop of uuuh the uh, BANANA...yeah that's the ticket! And how about a scoop of the ummmm MUDSLIDE! That'll do! And put it in a waffle cone. OH! Cover it in jimmies!" And by jimmies of course I meant sprinkles. Don't clone my friend Jimmy, whom I brought along with me, and place him and his clones atop my iced cream.

Mudslide, to the uninitiated is coffee ice cream with chocolate chunks. So, the ice cream has a general appearance of a mudslide AND it makes damn sure you'll be having a little mudslide of your own later on. It sat deliciously and perfectly on top of the scoop of delectable banana ice cream. This ice cream is truly top notch. My compadres thoroughly enjoyed theirs as well: dark chocolate orange and peanut butter brownie.

After ice cream it was about time for all of us old dogs to hit the hay. I 'cleaned up' *wink* what was left of the Lee's Fried Chicken *wink* *wink* and passed out promptly to have some delightful dreams about reading whole books in a single day like some kind of brainiac. 

In other good news, here are my results from last week:

Weight: 234 (DOWN 7 pounds for the week, 8 since I started weigh ins)

Nips: 45.5 inches (Holding strong)
Belly: 42.25 (Down .75 inches)
Hips: 42.25 (Down .5 inches)

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your lives depend on it.

ELE,
FartPinch

2 Amys Have Their Honeymoon Every Sundae

Summer fades and I fear I've begun this Cheat Day journey too late in the year! My soon to be far too sexy body will have no place to be displayed. Am I to be that guy who wears no shirt in the dead of winter? UUUUUh if I cheatin' HAVE TO!

Besides! Who says I can't keep cheatin' forever! Maybe it's the only way to stay sexy. In fact it almost definitely is. I'm no scientist, but I cheated in science class to get a C- and so I think I know a thing or two about human physiology,  alright?!

"God you're dumb...What'd you stuff your face with this time dumb dumb?"

You just hold on to your guts cheatin' busters, cause here it comes! It's 7:30 AM Cheat Day morn'. My alarm is set and I do NOT hit the snooze. I kick off the covers and all I'm wearing is a bib. No shirt, no pants, no socks, no draws. JUST BIB. I hold in my morning whiz because I just have to orally inject some kind of carbohydrate into my starving body. What receives the coveted first taste this week?

A Coffee Pina Colada from Virago: Coconut milk, Pineapple Spiced Rum, Virgao's coffee liqueur and straight up iced coffee. What a way to kick the day right into high gear. Let the cheatin' begin. 

Drunkenly I start slapping slices of chocolate chip brioche from Aldi into an egg soup to get it ready for the skillet. French Toast is on deck. Sally small stomach asks if I'd like to go snag a fried chicken breakfast burrito instead of eating the French Toast. I says to her I says, "Listen toots, this here's Cheat Day. There's no such word as 'instead' there is only 'in addition to,' 'plus,' 'as well as,' 'double down on this dumpster day dumptruck!'"

I eat the chocolate chip brioche French Toast covered in bananas, black berries and two different kinds of maple syrup (one from Canada and one from Vermont). Which was better? U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

On our way to the fried chicken place I have to run an errand to the farmer's market for some *gag* vegetables *gag*. This is a total NON Cheat Day move, but it IS necessary for Cheat Day to even happen in the first place, so the farmer's market gets a pass. PLUS, I get to eat this delicious syrupy Belgian waffle and watermelon popsicle while I am there.

After making quick work of those bomb snacks it's finally time for a real meal at Honeymoon Fried Chicken in Pet Sounds, I mean Pet Cemetery...PETWORTH! It's a neighborhood in D.C. with a horrible name. Petworth...pfff. Anyway, Honeymoon Fried Chicken is the bomb. The place is fyre as the kids would say...and spell. It benefits from some new COVID protocol such as: sit your ass down at an open table, scan the QR code, order from the app, eat your delicious food, pay and fuq off. It's brilliant, and I love it. 

Honeymoon has great staff. They play great music. They have great clientele. They serve delicious food. I got the aforementioned breakfast burrito which was stuffed with egg, cheese, quac, poblano pepper, home fries and hot honey glazed fried chicken pieces! It was one of the most unique tasting takes on one of my all time favorite dishes, the breakfast burrito. It came with a refreshing watermelon, mint and feta salad. 

Sally small stomach ordered a two piece meal with two rolls. The chicken is the show stopper, as it should be. The breading was crispy and spiced perfectly. The white meat chicken was hot, tender and juicy. The rolls were buttered and honeyed and soft and flakey. MY GOD. I'd go back right now...if it were Cheat Day...

For drinks I got a local Pilsner on draft...BEER! And I got to taste Sally's VERY BOOZY Rosemary-Ginger Mule. Honeymoon gets this fat ass' Point and Pump of the week!

All that pointing and pumping made me hungry. This Pet Food neighborhood got an ice cream place anywhere? Everyday Sundae is a short drive or a medium walk away. It's Cheat Day, so drive it is. Good thing it's not Everyday Sunday...cause then I couldn't eat there, amirite? This place is another HUGE win. If I hadn't already given away my point and pump I'd be...AH the hell with it! TWO POINT AND PUMPS IN ONE WEEK! Yessir!

I stroll up to Everyday Sundae ready for a treat. The extremely friendly and chill owner of the shop sits on a bench just inside the store reading a book. He greets me graciously and generously begins to offer any assistance I may need. He allows me to taste whatever I like. Ultimately I choose hazelnut and fudge as the base and astonishing cappuccino as the topper to my two scoop waffle cone. As my new favorite ice cream monger, Charles, prepares my treat his son rushes into the shop. Charles pauses and hugs his son lovingly. It's very sweet. Almost as sweet as this ice cream I'm about to inhale. His son then puts on an apron and gets to work helping out his old man. MY GOD, have ya ever seen anything like it? Not in this gaul dern day and age I'll tell ya! It melted my heart... but not my ice cream. 

I eat the amazing two scooper on the patio of the adjacent cidery, Anxo. It's a cool spot, but the cider is mediocre. Especially next to the flavor of the ice cream. It was fine for a little extra Cheat Day booze, but I wouldn't write home to mama over it.

Blissfully bloated a moment arrives where I'm not forcing food in my fat face, mostly because I'm driving around town. Pretty soon I randomly find myself in a Georgetown alumni football "tailgate" event on the lawn next to their sub par football stadium. Had I known I'd end up here I might not have spent all my money on the very delicious Honeymoon and Everyday Sundae. Ya see, this tailgate was simply an all you can eat barbecue buffet with free beer and wine. I tossed a jalapeño corn muffin or two into my yap trap and chased em down with an ice cold Stella Artois then I stuffed a cookie or two down there as well and chased THAT with a Bud Light from the ice bucket. 

I had places to go and people to meet, so we couldn't stay long. The fastest gun eat of the Mississippi was on his way up to pack in some pizza with me...and catch a show at The Black Cat in DC. You see, the fastest gun east of the Mississippi and I used to be punkers. Now we're just fat old me who like to eat and sit. The fastest gun east of the Mississippi met me at home base where I offered him a Carlsberg or two, I of course joined him after I drank another liquored up coffee drink. Ya know, to keep my momentum going. 

           

For dinner we had our sites set on local DC Pizza joint 2 Amys. You may recall that the fastest gun east of the Mississippi is my number 1 pizza fuqboi. Dude FUQs with ZA Brah! Neapolitan is the style he makes too and that's what 2 Amys slings. We get there and we order a bunch of appetizers that would do Cheat Day proud like fired rice balls, lamb skewers and a crazy pork pate that comes with pickled veggies and delicious bread. We got some drinks to start as well, of course. I stayed the course with a delightful pilsner. Sally Small Stomach snagged a delicious Rosè. The fastest gun east of the Mississippi ordered the Two Amy's take on the Negroni. 

With everyone satisfied it was time for pizza. Not unlike Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix the Two Amys in DC specialize in burnt blistered Neapolitan pizzas. We ordered one of the pizzas of the day: 2amys sausage, fingerling potatoes and carmen peppers as well as the Pazzuolli (2 amys sausage, hotties, grilled peppers, parsley and fontina). Pazzuolli took it, but both were absolutely BREATHTAKING. 

SHOWTIME! The Black Cat was maybe 20/25% full this night which gave the bar easy access, SCORE! I knocked back two or three beers while we watched two of the three bands on the bill before leaving early to hit up Ben's Chili Bowl for a Cheat Day night cap. Ben's Chili Bowl, a DC staple. Every town should have one. Of course, in Chicago's case...1,000.

I was drunk and already mostly full so I wasn't playing no games in there. I marched right up to the counter and ordered quickly: 1 chili cheese dog and some chili cheese fries and banana pudding please! It comes quick. These guys are pros. Somehow, even though I am full and drunk to the point of discomfort it hits the spot. Salty, greasy, cheesy, fried goodness! I'd eat it right now....if it were Cheat Day. 

The fastest gun east of the Mississippi and I spend the rest of the night drinking Carlsbergs and Weihenstephaners, alcoholic kombucha and Bending Time by Dogfish Head. We drink and carry on talking about music and life, the way things used to be and how the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Just like a couple of fat old men who used to be punkers and who want nothing more but to sit and eat.  

MEASUREMENTS!

NIPS: 47in (DOWN 3/8ths of an inch from last week!)
BellyButton: 44 1/8 (...up 1/4 of an inch...🙄)
HIPS: 42 1/8 (Up 1/8 of an inch...🍑)

Take care of yourselves! Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
Zach

It's Cheat Week Not Fleet Week!

SWEET BABY CHEAT WEEK Mo-Foggers! Ya' HEARD me! Cheat WEEK! I told ya'll! I told ya'll LAST WEEK on this blog that a road trip was gonna be tough AF! And it was! It really really was. So tough, that I just threw all dietary restrictions out the car window and went whole hog all week long! As a result I did not do my measurements this weekend. FUCKIN' SUE ME! 

You gonna sit there judging me for that? Or would you rather judge me for what I ate all week long, HUH?! Thought so! Now strap in, cause I cheated my way all across the great states of North Cacka-Lacky, Georgia and a little into South Cacka-lacky!

Sunday morning I woke up in the strange and underwhelming Asheville, NC. Sally Small Stomach landed us a brunch rezy at one of the hottest spots in town, Cúrate, a very fancy tapas place. I fucking hate tapas. SMALL plates I have to SHARE?! Get-da-fug-oudda-here! HOWEVER! Despite that fact and despite it being in Asheville, NC, this place was awesome and delicious. Now, it's the day after Cheat Day remember, so I ain't trying to keep goin' full out fatty on cheat food, naw'msayin? Cúrate delivers in this attempt. Lemme break it down.

Kickin' it off, I ordered a DELICIOUS cheat-eriffic coffee and Spanish Brandy drink called a Spanish Coffee with an orange infused whipped cream as a topper. Lemme just say this was the best HWHIPPED cream I have ever had. I could have eaten a tub of it. Sally ordered an espresso with "your preferred spirit" which they chose for her and they chose CORRECTLY. In her coffee was a shot of Cota 45 - Pandorga Esencia de Pedro Ximénez. SUCK ME SIDEWAYS her coffee cocktail might have been the tastiest I have ever had. 

Like I said before, I friggin HATE tapas! So I let Sally Small Stomach do the ordering...and she crushed it. Here are the "small plates" ranked:

• 
  6. pulpo a la gallega - Octopus with a Potato Puree - I don't mind when octopus is in things, but I get a little squeamish when I can really tell I'm eating octopus. Also, mostly diet friendly with the exception of the puree. I enjoyed it, but it comes in last on my list.
  
• 5. gazpacho - Lisa Simpson's answer to a backyard BBBQ. I can't say I've had a ton of gazpacho in my day, but this one was quite tasty.
• 4. escalivada - roasted peppers, onion and eggplant - VERY diet friendly and let me just say this only ranked so high on my list because of the - 
• 3. No longer on the menu - Skirt Steak...but pork. ALSO diet friendly and boy howdy did it pair well with that escalivada. 
  
  
  
• 
  2. Chistorra & chips josé's way - Cúrate's spicy chorizo sausage wrapped in a potato chip. Basically Spanish pigs in blankets. Sounds simple and possibly easy to fuck up. Simple? yes. Did they come out fucked up? NOT A CHANCE IN HELL! I was the one who was doing the fucking up of those fancy pigs in blankets. They were perfect! The slight crunch that came from the chip not wrapped around the sausage was so MWAH (chef's kiss)! This comes in at no. 2 but let me tell you, if you happen to have done yourself a disservice by ending up in Asheville but made the right choice and getting it into Cúrate then THIS is the dish you must order.
  
• 1. pincho moruno - the "large plate" (pfff) lamb skewers. I don't toss the phrase "symphony of flavors" loosely...or maybe I do, and MAYBE I'm just a lamb fan, but MMM - Mm - mm.mm.mm.

We, regretfully kicked it around Asheville for a couple more hours just trying to find the charm that people kept talking about and got a couple more treats along the way. We knew we had a large amount of road ahead of us so we decided to kick it up a notch with some caffeine. The stop? French Broad Chocolate Lounge. I got a very cheaty and cheeky Ice Coffee FLOAT with vanilla ice cream cause I'm BASIC HOKAY! Sally got herself an affogato with CHOCOLATE ice cream cause she's always right.

Time to hit the road! STOP NUMBER ONE! Atlanta, Georgia...well Decatur really. Decatur, GA is the Evanston of Atlanta. It's the BETHESDA of Atlanta. It's basically the LARCHMONT of Atlanta. DO YOU FOLLOW ME YET?! It's a nice ritzy suburb/city that has it's own thing going on these days. It's a little red neck and it's a little ritzy. There's a chic donut shop with a line around the block and a busted upred truck with old tires in the back sitting out in a front lawn. I wake up Monday morning feeling pretty proud of myself for how I've eaten on the road trip thus far and I walk down to the local coffee shop in search for a little pep in my step. I find it alright. I go into that shop and order me up an an Iced ZACK! WHAT?! I know! An Iced Zack is essentially an iced red eye at the Kavarna cafe. 

Here's where my road trip diet kind of starts to run off the rails a bit. When lunch time hits we make Ford's BBQ our destination. Can't road trip through the south without stopping for a little BBQ. I get the platter with the pork, the brisket and the jalapeño cheddar sausage with some greens and some Brunswick stew, pretty diet friendly for sure. And YES, my biggest regret of the trip is not just ordering the Super Duty. Anyway, I wash all that down with a fucking WHISKEY AND CHEERWINE though like a fuckin' sugar freak! 

Buzzin', I need more drink and I don't mean BOOZE! I'm talkin' bout that GOD DAMN soda pop! I'm in the MECHA for fuck sake. HOTLANTA is where Coke was born! So I make my way to the WORLD OF COKE museum. It was totally worth it for the tasting room alone. I tasted probably 100 different sodas and didn't even puke ONCE! HOLY CRAP. Here's my breakdown:

• Best - Pinneapple Fanta - It's commonplace but it's true.
• Worst - Beverly - Stupid Name, terrible synthetic and mediciny taste. Just awful. Tasted like what I imagine someone named Beverly might taste like. WOAH! HEY NOW! Watch out!
• Most Interesting - Sour Plum Fanta - tastes like BBQ sauce. I wouldn't drink a whole glass, but it didn't make me need to run and find the Pinneapple Fanta to get it's nasty taste out of my mouth...BEVERLY!

After the World of Coke I blew a 12 year old's mind at his own birthday dinner by informing him that I won $25,000 on a gameshow called The Cube. He also thinks I'm famous because I've been in TV and Commercials. Man, kids are dumb as SHIT. Also, don't worry about what I ate at the dinner, it wasn't much to write about.

What else do you do in HOTLANTA? A Braves game of course! The reigning champs have themselves quite a lovely, if not controversial, new stadium way out in the burbs where the RICHERS live. It's basically like a big Atlanta Braves theme park. After you get out of the parking decks you immediately walk into a miniature town filled with bars, restaurants, candy shops, merch stands, even New Orleans-esque daiquiri bars like Fat Tuesday. This is clearly setup to maximize post-season participation. The park itself is shiny and new AND! I GOT A BEER BAT! CRACK - glugluglug! As well as some cotton candy! FUCK THIS DIET SON! I'm on a ROAD TRIP.

The next day we pack it up and move toward Savannah, but this is a road trip mind you and what good is a road trip without a tourist trap thrown in there? The great Georgian Peach Orchard called Lane's was this tourist's trap of choice! Hey, clean bathroom's I'll give them that. I'll also give them this!: BEEF BRISKET GRILLED CHEESE, FRIED GREEN TOMATOES AND FRIED PIMENTO CHEESE BITES MAW FUGGLERS! CAN I SAY FUCK THIS DIET ANY MORE TIMES! YES, I will be. Food was decent, can't fuck up fried cheese and the raspberry jam they gave me with the order paired surprisingly well. 

HOWEVER! The whole reason for even going is peach cobbler ALA MODE with peach soft serve ice cream. THAT, was legit delish.

Belly full and totally pleased with my tourist trap I make it the rest of the way to sweet sweet Savannah, GA! I'm instantly blown away by the beautiful historical architecture and the haunting live oak trees and spanish moss which line the streets. Unlike Asheville, Savannah delivers on every possible level. It's a fun town just to walk around but there seem to be a ton of fun ways to blow your money there as well. Ways like...

Buying BOOZE and taking it on your walk with you. That's right! Just like New Orleans and Vegas and SHIT seemingly anywhere now depending in what parts of what towns you find yourself, if you waltz into any old spot in Savannah and you ask for a drink to go they just pour it in a plastic cup and you walk it on out the door and down the street to the next place you want to buy a drink. I had a lot of drinks while I was there so I'll rank them later. The only PLACE I want to let ya'll cheatin' ass busters know about based on the drinks is OF COURSE Wet Willie's which is Savannah's MAW FUGGIN' daiquiri bar! ALCHO-SLUSHIES ya'll! AND LOTS OF EM. I CHUGGED, through brain freezes, a MUD SLIDE and a MONSTER MELON. Both delicious and both couldn't be more different from one another. I must say, they hit the spot in the sticky southern summer and they leave a big fat tub like me delightfully buzzed, so if you're normal sized WATCH OUT! It's a chain, I know I get it. They all are. BUT I LOVE THEM!

Here are all of my Savannah Walking Drinks Ranked:

• Peach Sangria  - Bernie's Oyster House - Pumped, primed and pready for action I just went into the first bar I saw and grabbed the most refreshing looking drink on the menu.
• Terrapin Los Bravos local Beer - Quite a refreshing local take on a Mexican Lager
• Half Way Crooks - RADIX - a delicious and refreshing German Style Pils from the area. I love their dedication to German style beers and less so on the IPA in this region.
• Mud Slide - Chocolate Alcho-slushi from Wet Willie's, HOLY HELL a dessert and a drink.
• 1 Whiskey 1 Scotch 1 Beer - The Grey restaurant - it was 3 drinks for $15 bucks at one of the "best restaurants in the country"
• Monkey Business from Tandem Coffee and Spirits - A DELICIOUS iced coffee beverage with banana liqueur and irish cream. I got one two days in a row.
• Monster Melon - Wet Willies - Picked it up on my way out of town and it just really suits my taste. I love it. 

Savannah is very much a walking town and now that I'm boozed up and moving my feet I'm ready to eat. My first meal takes place at Savannah Seafood Shack where I take a low country boil STRAIGHT to the face! It was out of this world good. I could have eaten two. No lie, best corn on the cob I've ever eaten and believe it or not CORN is not diet friendly, so YES I'm still being bad. Oh yeah, the whole bag is steamed and steeped in butter anyway. Crab legs, shrimp, sausage, potato and delicious spices. MMMMmmM. I want another!

The hotel I was in boasted a free breakfast and TACO FUCKIN TUESDAYS where I got some tacos and beer with the cost of staying! OINK OINK OINK! It was standard hotel breakfast, but why spend on breakfast with low country boils like the one I just MONCHED?!

The best Savannah lunch goes to the BOWL O' SOUL at Crystal Beer Parlor. The Bowl O' Soul is creamy grits topped with pulled pork, collard greens, pimento cheese, onion rings and a side of GOT DANG CORN BREAD. SWEET SOUTHERN SUNDAY Suck me Sideways AGAIN!

Finally, we get to din-din numero dos. This here is for all intents and purposes the MAIN EVENT of the whole road trip. This is THE GREY. A restaurant whose chef, Mashama Bailey, has won the most recent BEARD award for outstanding chef. OOOO, well I'll be. PINKYS FUCKING UP! WAIT A MINUTE, It's called The Grey because I'm bout to be eating inside an old Greyhound BUS STATION! Pinkies back down SUCKA! JK, it's awesome inside. The decor is tight...but so are the tables. The menu is PRICKS FIX and a lot like tapas, which ain't my style. But, I go along to get along and if the food is good then it's good and I'm happy. 

The food is good, no doubt. Oysters, I tried one...still not my thing. Tuna appetizer, quite good...keep it coming. HOLD THE FORT! Where'd the food go? Someone dropped the ball and my party and I were left sitting in the cramped table with NOTHING TO EAT for about 45 minutes to an hour. VERY unappreciated at the finest restaurant in the country! Should it not be a well oiled machine? OILED WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY?! They give us free fried rice balls, yipee, they're fine I mean c'mon..they're fried. We power through and they finally get the rest of our courses out to us: Okra, carolina gold and delicious ruby shrimp, Smoked Pork with hominy - tender and yummy and Finally, the likely CULPRIT of the hold up: 50 ounces of roasted rib eye with a garlic butter pat resting atop. They didn't even ask us how we wanted it cooked and it was cooked perfectly. Well played and touche!

Because of the HORRIFIC delay they gave us a round of dessert/drinks for free. Two of us ordered the Revolver Dessert cocktail: Rye, coffee liqueur, orange bitters: Boozy and delicious. And one, more adventurous party member got the Marscapone Fruit Tart with Corn SMUT ice cream! This ice cream was not the best ice cream ever, but may have been the most interesting tasting ice cream I've ever eaten. Touche again, Greyhound Bus Station!

Having to leave my new favorite city the very next day was a sad day indeed, but I still had a great and many miles to cover on my way back home, especially as I tacked on an additional short stop in Charleston, South Cacka-Lacky. Having only a couple of hours in this ALSO beautiful and historic city my food choices were short and sweet. First, we pulled off in the ghetto of Charleston at Hannibal's Souls Kitchen for a delicious shrimp and crab rice. We followed that up with a couple of Empanadas and Argentinian Ice Cream at one of only two Freddo Gelato in the U.S. (the other is in Miami.) These empanadas were legit delicious, one was beef, the other chorizo and cheese...MAN I love chorizo. Their mint chocolate chip was SWEET minty goodness and the banana split I sampled was off the charts. This place, as well as the delightful sights made the stop in Charleston well worth it. 

Being back home from the road I decided to continue the cheat week with a breakfast burrito, some Stiegl Golds and some WiseGuy pizza on Friday. I started the diet back up the next day on what should normally be Cheat Day and I sit here writing this blog getting hungrier by the word. I just recently started this diet over again and I've already strayed. Most of you who know me and see me during the week know that I take it very seriously. But, honestly, some times you gotta take breaks from things. Sometimes you have to go along to get along. Sometimes you discover that you can eat a number of things on a road trip that mostly fit in with your crazy and ridiculous diet and it actually ISN'T that hard to stay healthy away from your routine! I'll be GOSH DARNED and here's a quick recap of things I ate on the road that I could eat any old crummy day of the week:

Lamb Skewers

Shrimp

Crab Legs

Steak

Nuts

Jerky

Smoked Pork

Sauteed Onions

Roasted Red Peppers 

Eggplant

Gazpacho

Octopus 

Eggs

Tuna

Okra

Iced Zacks

Go on an adventure. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other and eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,

Zach