February 2023

BUSTERS! This whole Cheat Day thing is starting to catch up to me. Not the diet, that is going GREAT! I'm talking about this blog. I just can't keep up on a weekly basis. If you couldn't tell. So, JUST FOR NOW, until I look like this picture of Tom Selleck, I am going to be posting MONTHLY Cheat Day recaps. 

February was a HOT ONE. You already know about the Polar Plunge on the first Cheat Day in February. A lot of skin was showing and a lot of beer was drunk. The point and pump of the day went to Wawa's pepperoni croissant sandwich. But there will be more from that day in the final rankings.

The Polar Plunge cheat day was followed with a Chiefs victory during the Super Bowl as well as Empanadas eaten out the ASS. I also, enjoyed (binged) some delicious chips and queso compliments of Amanda. But also mega fresh cocktails. AM cocktails were provided by Sally Small Stomach and they consisted of banane liqeur, irish cream and iced coffee. PM cocktails were compliments of Ulf the great at The Side Door (underneath The Pub and the People). But, overall, the Point and the Pump has to go to the home made empanadas which I had the privilege of learning how it was done. 

In celebration of the Chiefs winning their second Super Bowl in 4 years I KIND OF went off the rails a TINY BIT and didn't allow myself a Cheat Day after that one. BUT, I did have a Cheat Meal and it was a delicious fried catfish and grits special in a quaint little town called Phoebus. It gets my point and pump of the day by default. Although I must admit it was good enough to possibly steal the Point and Pump from a lesser Cheat Day anyway.

The final Cheat Day of the month came in the form of a movie night for The Godfather part 2. It, much like my review of part 1, is a GREAT movie. Highly engaging from start to finish, the writing, acting and direction really bring home a masterpiece. The 2nd in the series. The star of Cheat Day, however, was the breakfast. I had homemade Chilaquiles! Chilaquiles is a favorite breakfast dish I became well acquainted with in Chicago. Although I couldn't NAIL IT quite like those folks do, it was pretty close to par and gets my point and pump for this final February Cheat Day. Other dishes with honorable mentions go to the Italian cuisine paired with The Godfather part 2: seafood risotto, manicotti and a boozy soupy, but delicious, tiramisu. 

CHEAT YEAH! What a month of delicious cheatyness. Here are a couple rankings for February:

Top 3 Places:

1. Fuller's Raw Bar (Phoebus, VA)
2. The Side Door (Washington, D.C.)
3. The Bunker (Virginia Beach, VA)

Top 3 Point and Pumps:

1. Empanadas
2. Pepperoni Croissant
3. Chilaquiles

Where I was:

End of January Weight: 240 lbs (On Scale #4)
End of January Measurements: 

• NIPPLES: 45 3/4 inches
• BELLY: 41 1/2 inches 
• HIPS: 41 1/2 inches

End of February Weigh: 245 lbs (On Scale #4) WHOOPSIES

End of February Measurements:

• NIPS: 44 3/4
• Belly: 42
• Hips: 41 3/4

SO, Not really that big a dif eh? Even though I supposedly gained 5 pounds. So, what the HECK does that tell you, besides of course that I am in fact buff AF. Whatever, just enjoy the pics baby!

Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,

FartPinch

The Polar Bear Plunge

Brrrrrr ya Cheatin' azz Polar Bears! Are ya doing alright? Are you hanging in there? Do you even have any New Years Resolutions left to talk about?! For crying out loud Dry January is behind us! I'm still doing this crazy diet and for WHAT?! To look like this and better that's what:

Yeah, soak it in baby. That's me emerging from some ICY cold waters into ICY cold air this past Cheat Day. Never you fear, I went straight to drink and eat myself back to into a manageable body temperature! Let's get started.

Now, I was SUPER excited this Cheat Day morn'. Not just because I got to eat delicious food. BUT, it was my first day drinking of 2023! And day drinking I did. I started this Cheat Day with a Miller Lite. I know, I know not the most exciting drink in the world, but boy did this particular Miller Lite go down NICE and smooth. 

I chased that bad boy with a couple of white fudge covered Oreos left over from post-Christmas and some old Halloween candy left over from post-well-Halloween, duh. I didn't have much time to make anything extravagant for breakfast because it was time to get going to that Gosh Darn Polar Bear Plunge 2023 in Virginia Beach. Road Trip baby. 

Ya see this whole thing is Jimmy Mac's idea and so I meet the man at his place early. First things first, we've gotta fuel up with some caffeine. As we are verified BASIC AF we stop at the BUCKS. Now, I'm a black coffee man, but I just ain't going BLACK on Cheat Day. That's right! I've gone black and I am going back, sue me! Instead I get a sweet pistachio cream cold brew. Because it is a COLD cold Cheat Day my friends. I enjoy it in a matter of 10 - 15 minutes before it's SUCKED DRY. That oughta tell you how good it is.

Most of the way through the drive we stop at a Wawa to pee and I think to myself, "Why Not?" It's Cheat Day after all. Not to mention that, for my money, Wawa has got THE BEST gas station food on the planet. That's right, UP YOURS BUCKEYS! I buy myself a pre-made breakfast burrito, hash brown, pepperoni croissant (which I call a pepperoni pillow) and a little tub of Nacho Cheese.

I've GOT to tell you. That GOT.DAMN. pepperoni pillow is magical. In fact, I'm calling it early, it gets my POINT.AND.PUMP. of the week! If you find yourself in a Wawa, check out the hot boxes near the registers and if you SEE a pepperoni croissant sitting there, you buy it and you EAT it. Then, you go ahead and write to me and thank me with a tear-filled, heartfelt, letter of affirmation.

The Polar Bear Plunge was BONKERS. There were people everywhere. Our good friend Wawa is a major sponsor and they are handing out free soft pretzels, cookies and brownies. So, of course, I partake. (Cheat Day). There's a heated tent (thank god) as it is 26 degrees outside. There's a Tito's Vodka table serving up drinks, but the line is a mile long, so I opt for a beer from the Smartmouth Brewing Co. table instead, a Pilsner. It's alright. Nothing to write home about.

The time to plunge is upon us and Jimmy Mac isn't even registered! We ask around at the people wearing number bibs where to go to get registered. Apparently it's on the second floor of the ocean front Hilton across the boardwalk from the tent. You coulda fooled me since the signage was so freakin' non-existent. There were no signs about registration nor were there signs signifying that the building in question was the Hilton. Anyway, we got up to the registration room as it was emptying to get this big polar bear a number. 

It turns out they gave Jimmy Mac's number away to some group he wasn't a part of! What the hell?! It's about this time that I start thinking maybe Jimmy Mac isn't so excited about this and maybe he's trying to back out. But, we keep on keeping on. Other nearby friends join us. They are as confused as we are. Some friends say they just got through without a number. We try that route ourselves, but get stopped. C'mon!

Finally we just pick an open spot on the beach adjacent to the hullabaloo and run into the freezing cold Ocean on our own. WHEW! It is indeed invigorating! It is body, heart and mind awakening! It made that 26 degree air feel like 50 degree air! What a rush! I would absolutely do it again.

Once we were sufficiently plunged we quickly make our way to the inside of somewhere. In this case, it is Smartmouth Brewery down the street from the shore. I didn't much care for their Pilsner so I started with a sky high ABV Sunday Morning Mimosa Inspired Tart Ale. That kicked me into high gear. I chased that sucker down with a much more manageable Alter Ego Farmhouse Ale. I truly enjoyed both of these and it saved my opinion of the entire brewery. 

We couldn't leave VB without noshin' on some gnar, so we moseyed over to The Bunker Brewpub. Their beer was mediocre, although I did have some (Cheat Day). But, I wasn't there for that. I wanted SNACKS. We got fried pickles and loaded waffle fries for the table, both of which were hot fyre.

For my main course I was feeling burger. I got the jalapeno addiction, because I'm a SPICY boy. The BBQ sauce countered the spicy hot jalapeno relish beautifully. I give the burger and the potato salad on the side a solid A. Well done bunker.

Being drunk Polar Bears is tiring work so we decided it was time to get back to a safe place to hibernate. Jimmy Mac, our DD and I safely drove up the road, drinking roadies the whole way. Roadie of choice: Narraganset! A road trip blows by indeed when you're knockin' back Narragansets!

Safely back at home base I have a Ragged Branch Burbon night cap and some cold home made pizza, compliments of Jimmy Mac himself. Jimmy Mac's pizza is to die for and it will have it's own "Cheat Day. Don't Care." entry all to itself someday, you mark my words!

That booze hit hard, much like my head did the pillow after a day of libations such as these. Alcohol gets your goat good when you lay off it for a while like that. I recommend a nice long break for any serious drinker, just to see how she feels! I definitely found that I have felt great since stopping.

So great in fact...heeeeeere are the numbers!

Weigh Ins

1/21/23 - Scale #3 (Home Base) 234.2
1/28/23 - Scale #4 (New Scale) 240
2/04/23 - Scale #3 (Home Base) 234.2 (COINCIDENCE?! I THINK NOT!)

Measurements

NIPPLES: 45 1/2 inches (1/4 inch smaller than last week)
BELLY: 41 inches (1/2 inch SLIMER than last week)
HIPS: 42 inches (1/4 inch larger than last week)

SuhsuhsuhSUHWEET Can! I'm gettin' thin and fit. I'm old now! I can't be walkin' around with all this extra weight wrapped around me! Thanks Cheat Day! Alright everyone, take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch

Universal Yums, Dry January, The Godfather and Costco Lasagna

Welcome BACK Cheat Fans to yet another edition of Cheat Day. Don't Care. It is the last Cheat Day of Dry January and I must say I have truly enjoyed my sobriety. Maybe not enough to make it a full time thing, but maybe to make it a MORE time thing. That's for sure. Boy this month seemed to go on and on forever, and I have not drinkin' to thank for that! So, if I want my life to just go on and on forever why then maybe I'll just have to stop drinkin' all together. We'll see!...Yeah...we'll see.

"Woah, hey, you alright there FartPinch?!"

Yeah, I'm good, ya know it! I could use a drink though I'll tell ya that! NOW! Time to get to the nitty gritty of this binge-worthy Cheat Day! NOMNOMNOMNOM!

I woke up to a somewhat new treat/surprise for me! A UNIVERSAL YUMS box! Universal Yums, for the uninitiated is a monthly subscription by which some internet nerds assemble a box of delicious snacks all from a particular country. This month's yums came from Austria! I quite liked Austria's snacks and I am even more encouraged to visit there as my favorite beer of all time hails from there as well. 

Here are the Austrian snacks from Universal yums RANKED, by this rank ass old fool:

1. Auer - A crispy wafer crunch exterior with a DELICIOUS chocolatey interior. Crunch, chocolate, smooth, delicious.

2. Filinchen - Paprika Flavored pea snack. Crispy and zesty! Plus it can be eaten on not Cheat Day!

3. Bobby - A chocolatey caramel bar. Basically a better Milky Way.

4. Waffelz - Cheesecake flavored wafers. I hate cheesecake I LOVE wafers. These tasted nothing like cheesecake. Sweet and crispy.

5. Big Banana - Banana filling covered with chocolate candy. I had high hopes for this one and it let me down big time. I'd still eat it if I were hankerin.'

Once I tried all the treats it was breakfast time. I smashed another cheesey roll from Fresh Market into my fat face, gobbled up a mini baklava from the wrapper, pounded a left over piece of cake and downed some not very great German fruit cake before it was time to hit up the farmer's market. 

The farmer's market was ol'FartPinch's kinda Farmer's Market this Cheat Day. Not only was a guy there making Breakfast Burritos, but there was this Turkish stand there selling these crazy ass things called sucuklu pide, which I roughly translate to a pizza boat. 

First things first though. The Breakfast burrito was baller. Dank AF, get my drift. I'd be happy to toss down a Hamilton for this fresh and flavorful take on my all time favorite food. I had the El Salvi, which contained egg, spicy chorizo, avocado, queso fresco and refried beans. It's a CLASSIC Mexican breakfast burrito and the ingredients were choice. HOWEVER, the thing was tiny. It was smaller than one of them little whack McDonalds Breakfast Burritos and it cost $10. If you're on a budget and you're HUNGRY. Don't fall for it. If you're flush and you want something tasty: visit them fine folks at Tito's Breakfast Burritos. 

After a fair bit of chorin' it was time for the Pizza Boat! I only tasted this bad boy, but I promise you I coulda eaten about 10 of them thangs! NAW'M sayin'?! Also, talk about wanting to visit places, Turkish food is quickly climbing the ranks into my...I'm gonna say it...top FIVE food nationalities. The bread was crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, the cheesy was melty and gooey and the sausage was indeed spicy! MMM, delish!

To wash it down, and to give a nod to my non-alcoholic bevy of the week, I had some Watermelon-Strawberry juice from Whole Foods. It's very sweet, very good. It is best served with lime seltzer.

Between lunch and dinner I got some more chorin' done and knocked out a weight lifting day so I got even more hungry. Before dinner I had to have myself a snack. So, I tackled this leftover potato salad from some work party earlier in the week. It's herb potato salad and it was heavy on dill. In fact, there was even pickle bits IN the potato salad. I don't want any other cold salad any more if in doesn't have dill in it! I also ate some sweet hawaiian rolls and I spread some marmalade on it. Because WHY?! I'm Paddington that's why!

 

Cheat Day's MAIN EVENT was a screening the the Francis Ford Coppola classic The Godfather. The Cheat Day pairing? Costco Lasagna, little garlic bread, a zesty pasta marinara and for dessert some out of this world cannoli dip with pizzells for the dipping. 

In fact! That cannoli dip with pizzelles gets this Cheatin Machine's POINT AND PUMP OF THE WEEK! AIR HORN AIR HORN. I don't even like sweet cheese desserts but the pizzelle offset any of that. What is it?! It's ricotta, its marscapone, it's powdered sugar and it's chocolate chips and it is diabetes BABY! Eat it up with a spoon! Or a pizelle! 

The lasagna was deece, the pasta sauce was spicy and great, the cheese and crackers is a Cheat Day staple and ALWAYS welcome. The garlic bread with pasta sauce on top really steals the show.

                                               

Back at home, as a night cap, I have a sliver of the seasonal Nightingale ice cream sandwich called, Cinnamon Roll! It's awesome! It tastes just like a cinnamon roll. It might instantly be in my top 5 Nightingales. If you don't know Nightingale, get to know 'em.

Before

NOW! Down to BIZNASS! I have come to the realization that this blog has become TOO MUCH about the fun of Cheat Day. You may not realize that 6 out of 7 days a week I am incredibly strict with what I eat. Because of this discipline I hope to gain a healthier and sexier body. To keep tabs on this, as of this year, I have begun weighing myself as well as measuring my body. 

After

The weigh ins (starting 1/5/2023) have been done on 4 different scales. I will detail which scale has done which weigh-in below. Here are the results from this Cheat Day versus the last Cheat Days. 

Weigh Ins

1/5/23 - Scale 1 (Drs. Office) 242.6
1/14/23 - Scale 2 (Beach House) 241.2
1/21/23 - Scale 3 (Home Base) 234.2
1/28/24 - Scale 4 (New Scale) 240

WOW, What a wild ride already. Luckily I can find solace in my body measurements. Here are my results from this week:

NIPPLES: 45 3/4 inches (1/4 inch wider than last week)
BELLY: 41 1/2 inches (3/4 inch SLIMER than last week)
HIPS: 41 1/2 inches (3/4 inch SLIMER than last week)

It looks like my belly and my hips are NECK AND NECK...or Gut'n'Butt...or something. I hope you enjoyed this week's Cheat Day...BUSTERS! Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch

How About Those CHEATS (Chiefs)

Happy Divisional Round of the NFL Playoffs Cheat Day Cheat and Football Fans! Also, I am into week three of Dry January so pat me on the GAUL DERN back for that would ya! Three weeks and holding strong. YES, even during Cheat Day and YES even during big football games. PAT ME ON THE BACK I SAID!

So, it now being the year of the Rabbit, I ate a bunch of bunnies. I'm KIDDING! I'm not Lennie, but I have played him on the stage! SINCE we have crossed the lunar new year into the year of the Rabbit I have become MAGICALLY more conscious of my finances. What does THIS mean? I skimped a little bit on what I bought this Cheat Day.

Lucky for me I had a ton of left overs at my house from when I last went Cheat Day grocery shopping. So after crushing my weigh in and measure off I went to Cheat Town, AKA My Kitchen! I scarfed one homemade McMuffin with Aldi brand English Muffins, a VERY expensive egg, some delicious Irish butter and a bunch of Wal-Mart shredded cheese. Thrifty. I also went ahead and ate a separate English muffin with just butter and cheese and finally a THIRD English muffin (they were going bad, had to finish 'em) with MARMALADE. I will become Paddington. 

Thoroughly stuffed past from this I decided I would just eat three or four white fudge covered Oreos instead of the rest of the box. I also demolished those crazy good fudgy marshmallowy wafer cookies called Knoppers from Aldi. I had two left and they go GOT DANG PERFECT with coffee. 

In danger of sliding into a sugar coma I quickly worked out while I watched the terrible terrible Kansas Jayhawks Men's Basketball team get destroyed by the usually terrible TCU Horned Frogs. I was trying to get all my stuff done quickly for there was an all important FOOSball game in the evening. The LORD'S team, the Kansas City Chiefs, had to smack around the JAGS of Jacksonville, Florida and I had to be ready to watch them do it with a bucket of fried chicken on which I could gorge myself.

The prime bucket of choice you ask?! By god! Why it's Lee's Famous Recipe Fried Chicken of course! There's only one location in all of Richmond and it is BANGIN'. I'm a gentleman, and I have invited several BIG eaters over for the game so I buy enough for everybody. This means, of course I'll be snacking on the deliciousness for the rest of the day. I get a 16 piece family meal that comes with 8 biscuits and 4 sides. I choose mac and cheese and mashed potatoes and gravy (OF COURSE) followed by some green beans and hot apples (which I could eat the next day if need be). 

On my way out of the restaurant I snag a couple of each of their CRAZY sauce selection. It's Cheat Day and I'ma havta try'm all! Here they are, ranked:

1. Buffalo
2. Bonzai
3. Chipotle Ranch
4. BBQ
5. Jalapeno Ranch
6. Honey Mustard

The whole meal was simply breath taking and it did last me and my boys several rounds like it was some kind of fried chicken buffet. Perfect! The Chiefs did their thing, which is TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS and after they did we went out for some ice cream, cause that's the kind of thing we used to do when we didn't drink. 

This time the ice cream of choice was Gelati Celesti where apparently a children's ho down had just let out nearby because it was slammed with little rich white kids dressed to the nines in their barnyard's finest. I asked me mates, "Why in the hell are there so many children here?"

To which they replied, "Yeah, who would have thought there'd be so many kids at an ice cream parlor on a Saturday night at 7:30PM." And right then and there I knew they were getting my goat. They were calling me out for being a rube and I didn't take too kindly to that. So, I started a real RUCKUS in Gelati Celesti. I started yanking kids' ice creams out of their hands and shoving them right in their little faces and onto their cowboy hats, down the backs of their shirts. I growled and sneered and chased them all out of my way so I could order and enjoy my iced cream in peace!

Finally one of the teens behind the case addressed me with as sir, with a snide tone, and asked what I will be enjoying this evening. I told her, "well, I don't have the where with all to choose what with these children running amock, hootin' and hollerin,' dancin' their line dances and such." So I made a split decision, and I must say it was a good'n. I said, "gimme a scoop of uuuh the uh, BANANA...yeah that's the ticket! And how about a scoop of the ummmm MUDSLIDE! That'll do! And put it in a waffle cone. OH! Cover it in jimmies!" And by jimmies of course I meant sprinkles. Don't clone my friend Jimmy, whom I brought along with me, and place him and his clones atop my iced cream.

Mudslide, to the uninitiated is coffee ice cream with chocolate chunks. So, the ice cream has a general appearance of a mudslide AND it makes damn sure you'll be having a little mudslide of your own later on. It sat deliciously and perfectly on top of the scoop of delectable banana ice cream. This ice cream is truly top notch. My compadres thoroughly enjoyed theirs as well: dark chocolate orange and peanut butter brownie.

After ice cream it was about time for all of us old dogs to hit the hay. I 'cleaned up' *wink* what was left of the Lee's Fried Chicken *wink* *wink* and passed out promptly to have some delightful dreams about reading whole books in a single day like some kind of brainiac. 

In other good news, here are my results from last week:

Weight: 234 (DOWN 7 pounds for the week, 8 since I started weigh ins)

Nips: 45.5 inches (Holding strong)
Belly: 42.25 (Down .75 inches)
Hips: 42.25 (Down .5 inches)

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your lives depend on it.

ELE,
FartPinch