Universal Yums, Dry January, The Godfather and Costco Lasagna

Welcome BACK Cheat Fans to yet another edition of Cheat Day. Don't Care. It is the last Cheat Day of Dry January and I must say I have truly enjoyed my sobriety. Maybe not enough to make it a full time thing, but maybe to make it a MORE time thing. That's for sure. Boy this month seemed to go on and on forever, and I have not drinkin' to thank for that! So, if I want my life to just go on and on forever why then maybe I'll just have to stop drinkin' all together. We'll see!...Yeah...we'll see.

"Woah, hey, you alright there FartPinch?!"

Yeah, I'm good, ya know it! I could use a drink though I'll tell ya that! NOW! Time to get to the nitty gritty of this binge-worthy Cheat Day! NOMNOMNOMNOM!

I woke up to a somewhat new treat/surprise for me! A UNIVERSAL YUMS box! Universal Yums, for the uninitiated is a monthly subscription by which some internet nerds assemble a box of delicious snacks all from a particular country. This month's yums came from Austria! I quite liked Austria's snacks and I am even more encouraged to visit there as my favorite beer of all time hails from there as well. 

Here are the Austrian snacks from Universal yums RANKED, by this rank ass old fool:

1. Auer - A crispy wafer crunch exterior with a DELICIOUS chocolatey interior. Crunch, chocolate, smooth, delicious.

2. Filinchen - Paprika Flavored pea snack. Crispy and zesty! Plus it can be eaten on not Cheat Day!

3. Bobby - A chocolatey caramel bar. Basically a better Milky Way.

4. Waffelz - Cheesecake flavored wafers. I hate cheesecake I LOVE wafers. These tasted nothing like cheesecake. Sweet and crispy.

5. Big Banana - Banana filling covered with chocolate candy. I had high hopes for this one and it let me down big time. I'd still eat it if I were hankerin.'

Once I tried all the treats it was breakfast time. I smashed another cheesey roll from Fresh Market into my fat face, gobbled up a mini baklava from the wrapper, pounded a left over piece of cake and downed some not very great German fruit cake before it was time to hit up the farmer's market. 

The farmer's market was ol'FartPinch's kinda Farmer's Market this Cheat Day. Not only was a guy there making Breakfast Burritos, but there was this Turkish stand there selling these crazy ass things called sucuklu pide, which I roughly translate to a pizza boat. 

First things first though. The Breakfast burrito was baller. Dank AF, get my drift. I'd be happy to toss down a Hamilton for this fresh and flavorful take on my all time favorite food. I had the El Salvi, which contained egg, spicy chorizo, avocado, queso fresco and refried beans. It's a CLASSIC Mexican breakfast burrito and the ingredients were choice. HOWEVER, the thing was tiny. It was smaller than one of them little whack McDonalds Breakfast Burritos and it cost $10. If you're on a budget and you're HUNGRY. Don't fall for it. If you're flush and you want something tasty: visit them fine folks at Tito's Breakfast Burritos. 

After a fair bit of chorin' it was time for the Pizza Boat! I only tasted this bad boy, but I promise you I coulda eaten about 10 of them thangs! NAW'M sayin'?! Also, talk about wanting to visit places, Turkish food is quickly climbing the ranks into my...I'm gonna say it...top FIVE food nationalities. The bread was crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, the cheesy was melty and gooey and the sausage was indeed spicy! MMM, delish!

To wash it down, and to give a nod to my non-alcoholic bevy of the week, I had some Watermelon-Strawberry juice from Whole Foods. It's very sweet, very good. It is best served with lime seltzer.

Between lunch and dinner I got some more chorin' done and knocked out a weight lifting day so I got even more hungry. Before dinner I had to have myself a snack. So, I tackled this leftover potato salad from some work party earlier in the week. It's herb potato salad and it was heavy on dill. In fact, there was even pickle bits IN the potato salad. I don't want any other cold salad any more if in doesn't have dill in it! I also ate some sweet hawaiian rolls and I spread some marmalade on it. Because WHY?! I'm Paddington that's why!

 

Cheat Day's MAIN EVENT was a screening the the Francis Ford Coppola classic The Godfather. The Cheat Day pairing? Costco Lasagna, little garlic bread, a zesty pasta marinara and for dessert some out of this world cannoli dip with pizzells for the dipping. 

In fact! That cannoli dip with pizzelles gets this Cheatin Machine's POINT AND PUMP OF THE WEEK! AIR HORN AIR HORN. I don't even like sweet cheese desserts but the pizzelle offset any of that. What is it?! It's ricotta, its marscapone, it's powdered sugar and it's chocolate chips and it is diabetes BABY! Eat it up with a spoon! Or a pizelle! 

The lasagna was deece, the pasta sauce was spicy and great, the cheese and crackers is a Cheat Day staple and ALWAYS welcome. The garlic bread with pasta sauce on top really steals the show.

                                               

Back at home, as a night cap, I have a sliver of the seasonal Nightingale ice cream sandwich called, Cinnamon Roll! It's awesome! It tastes just like a cinnamon roll. It might instantly be in my top 5 Nightingales. If you don't know Nightingale, get to know 'em.

Before

NOW! Down to BIZNASS! I have come to the realization that this blog has become TOO MUCH about the fun of Cheat Day. You may not realize that 6 out of 7 days a week I am incredibly strict with what I eat. Because of this discipline I hope to gain a healthier and sexier body. To keep tabs on this, as of this year, I have begun weighing myself as well as measuring my body. 

After

The weigh ins (starting 1/5/2023) have been done on 4 different scales. I will detail which scale has done which weigh-in below. Here are the results from this Cheat Day versus the last Cheat Days. 

Weigh Ins

1/5/23 - Scale 1 (Drs. Office) 242.6
1/14/23 - Scale 2 (Beach House) 241.2
1/21/23 - Scale 3 (Home Base) 234.2
1/28/24 - Scale 4 (New Scale) 240

WOW, What a wild ride already. Luckily I can find solace in my body measurements. Here are my results from this week:

NIPPLES: 45 3/4 inches (1/4 inch wider than last week)
BELLY: 41 1/2 inches (3/4 inch SLIMER than last week)
HIPS: 41 1/2 inches (3/4 inch SLIMER than last week)

It looks like my belly and my hips are NECK AND NECK...or Gut'n'Butt...or something. I hope you enjoyed this week's Cheat Day...BUSTERS! Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Eat like your life depends on it.

ELE,
FartPinch